More Dunwoody Than You

A recent dissin' contest on an other Dunwoody blog (not to be confused with The Other Dunwoody blog), poses a few good points to ponder.

First, is it really a good idea to allow comments on blog posts? That trail of not-so-witty repartee certainly seems to support the "No Comment" decision for this blog. These comments devolved, as they so often do, into ad hominem attacks, the most interesting being the "I've been here longer than you" machismo oneupmanship. It's like our own quaint little derivative of Godwin's Law--sooner or later in any discussion about Dunwoody, someone will be accused of "not being here long enough to have an opinion that matters". At least not as much as the accuser. It is as if there is some great manhood demonstrated by how long it has been since that last April morn you wrote your name in the snow in your own backyard.

And this happens frequently here in our little burg. You often read on blog comments or even letters to the Fan Rag about "I've been in Dunwoody for twenty years" or "We moved here in 1985 when Deerfield East was still a horse farm." You know, shit like that.

But what makes this more interesting than an otherwise childish "Oh Yeah? Yeah!" schoolyard belly-buckin' is the topic. Namely parks, and our impending, looming, over one hundred million dollar commitment to long term debt. As usual, this boils down to "You Are For Parks" or "You Are Against Parks" as you cannot be "for parks, but against monstrous debt". Ya gotta pick.

And it is just this black and white nature, particularly on the part of the "I Am For Parks" loudmouth, who also played the "Dunwoody Resident Seniority" card, that generates the belly-laughs. OK, fine. So...you've been here since before the Lester Maddox clan(sic) sold their gas station at the corner of Chamblee Dunwoody and Mount Vernon. Good for you. DID YOU MOVE HERE FOR THE PARKS? D'oh?!? If parks were and are so gosh-darn important to you, why didn't you move to a PLACE THAT HAD THEM way back when?

Ain't really about parks is it?

Not that it matters, but blog comments would be of much greater value if you guys would whip 'em out, agree on which is longer, and move on. After all, it's not the length, it's what you do with it.

Don't Pass Me By

I listen for your footsteps coming up the drive
Listen for your footsteps but they don't arrive
Waiting for your knock, dear, on my old front door
I don't hear it, does it mean you don't love me any more?

I hear the clock a ticking on the mantel shelf
See the hands are moving but I'm by myself
I wonder where you are tonight and why I'm by myself
I don't see you, does it mean you don't love me any more?

Don't pass me by, don't make me cry, don't make me blue
Cause you know darling I love only you
You'll never know it hurt me so, how I hate to see you go
Don't pass me by, don't make me cry

I'm sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair
You were in a car crash and you lost your hair
You said that you would be late about an hour or two
I said that's alright I'm waiting here, just waiting to hear from you

Don't pass me by, don't make me cry, don't make me blue
Cause you know darling I love only you
You'll never know it hurt me so, how I hate to see you go
Don't pass me by, don't make me cry

As you are probably aware "Google-Claus" ain't coming to our town. Nearby burghs are going to wake up to find some delightful Google Fibre under their trees (and sidewalks and front yards) and we're stuck with our old lower speed lumps of coal. For those amongst us who prefer to attend that 9AM (Shanghai time) meeting via telepresence rather than Delta Google Fibre looks like a godsend. Because it is.

Or, if you believe that cable companies spend more money on Washington lobbyist than they do understanding what subscribers want and need you would be right. And they do this because it works. They will beat down net neutrality in spite of the fact that they already operate in a business and regulatory ecosystem that is indistinguishable from an out of control monopoly. They will use in-their-pocket politicians to ensure that they can continue oversubscribing services whilst avoiding infrastructure improvements necessary to actually deliver the services they sell.

On the other hand there is a surprising (and vocal) crowd suffering from Googlephobia and actually applaud being passed over claiming that we'll dance on the heads of pins whilst these other fools rush in. Perhaps something undisclosed is going on here. Perhaps when Google installs fibre they are forced to pull down all of AT&T's copper and Comcast's coax thereby making Google our sole provider. If so that has been kept a deep dark secret. Or not. Or maybe our taxes will go up--but that's low hanging fruit since the City raised our taxes this year, even without the threat of Google offering next-generation high speed data.

Some say they're mighty afeared that horizontal boring might disturb sidewalks and bike paths and lordy, lordy would that not be a crime against God and humanity? Not to play the "more Dunwoody than you" but if you were round these parts when the Olympics blew thru town you probably DO remember how disruptive horizontal boring was. But that was then and this is now. Heaven forbid anyone suggest that is the ONLY technology that has not improved in the last TWENTY years. Yeppers. Everything technology on this planet, from farming to artificial intelligence has improved dramatically, but not horizontal boring. Nope. Nada.

You may even wonder what's inside those twenty year old conduits. Dark fibre? Nope. Turns out they are empty. AT&T installed extra conduit just in case. Just in case of what? Just in case they needed fibre to the curb for a competitive advantage. But to compete you kinda need competition and if nothing else that is exactly what Google brings to the table. Some think that is a Bad Thing[TM].

Now if this were really a Smart City we would not pave another road, install another foot of sidewalk without an accompanying conduit infrastructure. Would we be built out overnight. Of course not, but over time we could reach a critical mass that would support putting resources behind a full network that could be rented out (think: franchise fees) to any number of HSD providers.

But that's not going to happen because we in daVille make lemonade not progress.

CC204 : Antenna TV

Olde School though it be, getting your television programming from an antenna can be more costly and potentially more work than getting Over The Top streaming. All is not lost. There are some simple and not so very expensive options and they all share one thing in common--you need an antenna and you need to point it the right direction.

And this is where living in Dunwoody makes most of us winners as all the important TV antennas are clustered in an area round about Stone Mountain just to the southeast and without much in the way of major obstructions. It's not like we're living in a concrete canyon in the middle of a city. A big city that is. There is a bit of ridge running thru the northern Wolds but that affects a relatively small number of us and even that is not crippling. The reason this is important is that most TV broadcasts at the higher frequencies (and almost all HD broadcast are) really likes line-of-sight and being digital when the signal gets weak you don't get a blurry, snowy picture it breaks up or just disappears. So does satellite but that doesn't make it any better.

If you're lucky enough to live in a two-story home with at least one south-southeast exposure you can get started with the digital broadcast version of rabbit ears. With a flat antenna and a recent vintage TV set you are in business.

Antenna To Right Of TV

One way to expand this system is to add an antenna to each set. This is cheap and simple but will not work (or work well) with sets that do not have good exposure. The basement media room is probably a non-starter.

Supporting TVs in these hard to reach locations will require a higher gain antenna, one or more amps, wiring and a few other bits of kit. For the in home wiring you may be able to leverage the cabling already in your home but there may be issues with that wiring. First would be plan impact: this may force an abrupt switch-over from cable to OTA rather than a smooth adjustment over time. Second is the cable itself. If your home has cable wiring more than 15-20 years old it is probably RG-59 whilst newer cabling will be RG-6 with the relevant difference being signal loss which is off less concern for cable than for antenna.

Picking an antenna can be confusing and sometimes vendors use that confusion to get your money. First, there is no such thing as an "HD TV Antenna". It is just an antenna that is tuned to the frequencies used by TV, including HD TV.  That said, there are two TV frequency bands, VHF and UHF, with most HD broadcasts in the UHF or high VHF portions of the spectrum. Most antennas tuned to UHF will provide adequate gain to also receive the high VHF signals, at least those in our general vicinity. There are times where beam width may be as much a consideration as gain. Not only does a wider beam width tolerate sloppy aiming and some weather effects it also handle situation  where transmitters may be twenty degrees apart.

The rig shown above includes a high-gain, wide beam width antenna suitable for attic or outdoor installation, a low noise amp, cable and a J-mount mast. A similar system has been deployed successfully at a suboptimally situated location in Dunwoody. An upcoming attic installation in a nearby city east of the antenna farm will be the subject of a capstone project.

So how do you know where to point the antenna and what can you expect to receive? Again, the web comes to the rescue. Cruise on over to TV Fool, enter your and get a map.

Based on distance and transmitter strength the table indicates which channels you are likely to receive  with an indoor antenna, an attic antenna or a roof mount from top to bottom. You will also see channel adjacency issues that will impair reception. The circle plot show where the antenna has to point to get the channels you want. A good low-noise pre-amp, located on the antenna mast, ensures that the highest quality signal is driven across the longer cable run. Support for multiple TV sets will require something to split the signal. One gazin and multiple gazout. The least expensive way to achieve this is with a passive splitter and if you are re-using existing cable wiring there is probably one already installed. You should keep in mind that each split cuts the signal strength in half--one to two cuts the signal in half, one to four cuts the signal by four. If you need to support more than four sets you will certainly need a distribution amp incorporating a low noise amp and a passive splitter. This may also be necessary to re-use RG-59 when the cable runs are long.

TV Fools will show you what stations you receive (sort of) but what can you really watch. Again, web to the rescue. Rabbit Ears provides detailed information on HD tv by market and by station.

Rabbit Ears lets you drill down showing the main programming (Channel 5.1 above) and secondary channels available (and coming soon) from the same "station." In Atlanta Channel 2 provides MyTV (old programs like Perry Mason and Rockford Files) on a secondary channel and Channel 5 delivers Movies! with classic movies. There are some lesser known (IE: not printed in the paper) delivery QVC, additional movies, news (France24), weather and much, much more.

What's that you say? "Where's my DVR?" Ahhh...glad you asked. To be clear if you have a DVR with your current pay TV provider you are going to lose any programs you've recorded when you fire them. But there are OTA alternatives.

One is the aptly named Simple TV as it is quite simple, though to be fair it doesn't directly connect to your TV. With the addition of your own disk drive you have a OTA PVR that allows you to record up to two channels at one time. To watch this you need a phone, tablet or a Roku box. And, you have your own version of a Sling box as you can access live and recorded programming while away from home.

Another interesting option is very similar to Simple TV is Tablo which comes with an option for a one-time life-time fee for access to the metadata rather than a monthly subscription fee (which is also available). Remote access is largely based on your phone/tablet's web browser (Simple TV has dedicated apps) in-home support has better device coverage. Of course Roku is supported. And if you really love recording, there is a Tablo model capable of recording up to four channels simultaneously. For those in a more urban area (than most of Dunwoody) Tablo has announced the "Metro" which incorporates the antenna and is intended for use within 25 miles of the towers.

Since you bring your own hard drive (check for compatibility before buying) you get to choose just how much programming you can store. There are other options, some with built-in hard drives and some with direct (HDMI) connections to your TV but for a the Cord Cutter these two lead the pack.

PS: delays in the scheduling of the capstone project means we'll take a brief break from Cord Cutting but will return after the install.

Candidate Rubric

Because gauging a candidate's sincerity is subjective the best The Other Dunwoody can offer is a rubric so each of us can make our personal assessments. There is a danger in this: candidates can (and will) say nearly anything to get elected and a rubric has the effect of telling them what you want to hear. That is why it is important to modify the proposed point system to your priorities.

It works like this. Each candidate starts with 50 points. Based on answers to following questions, points are awarded, or taken away. Total scores have no artificial bound either upper or lower.

You should also ask yourself several questions to expose your own priorities and begin to question whether you believe what these candidates say and why.

What Have They Done?

• Were or are you a member of Citizens for Dunwoody? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Did you provide financial or in-kind support for Citizens for Dunwoody? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Were or are you a member of Citizens for Dunwoody? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Did you provide financial or in-kind support for Citizens for Dunwoody? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you believe the Carl Vinson report provides a viable framework for early operation of the City of Dunwoody? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you believe Dunwoody suffers a form of taxation without representation from the county? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you believe Dunwoody can provide the same or better services as the county without extracting more money from us? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you believe cityhood was promoted on the basis that Dunwoody suffers a form of taxation without representation from the county? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Have you read all the task force reports? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Have you demonstrated a commitment to open government by promptly publishing information? [yes +10; no -10; no answer -5]

What Will They Do?

• Do you have a stated commitment to "no new taxes"? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support franchise fees as a source of city income? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you support income sources paid by visitors and business rather than citizens themselves? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you support impact fees on new development? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support integrating new schools into high density development plans? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support a moratorium on new apartment construction? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support a housing moratorium until school capacity meets or exceeds current demand? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support a property tax increase if the money is needed to provide services as described in the Carl Vinson study or by the proponents of cityhood? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support measures to stop infill construction of McMansions? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Are you committed to open government and an informed citizenry? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Will you work to ensure that all city documents (agenda, minutes, source material, RFPs, bids, contracts, etc.) are published on the internet in a timely fashion? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support the installation of red-light cameras in the Overlay District? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support the installation of radar speed signs to slow traffic and collect data on high-risk speed zones? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you believe quality of life and adequate services are more important than capping taxes? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Do you support outsourcing city IT functions? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]
• Do you have a proposal for monitoring quality of services, especially outsourced services? [yes +5; no -10; no answer -5]
• Have you or any of you relatives been employed by any company under consideration for outsourcing city services? [yes -10; no +5; no answer -5]

What Do YOU Think?

• Do you believe drawing our Mayor and Council members from DHA and derivative organizations will create an entrenched good ole boy network?
• Do you believe that a high ranking official of an organization that operated "under the radar" can truly be committed to "open government"?
• Do you believe that Dunwoody can create a fiscally sound budget without adding new taxes and increasing existing ones?
• Do you believe that people who ran organizations that deceived us are the kind of people we want running our city?
• Do you believe the candidate under consideration has adequately disclosed enough information to ensure there are no conflicts of interest?
• Do you believe the candidate under consideration has been honest and forthright in their answers or politically evasive?

TOD

Georgia Has a Best Town In It...

...Lord have mercy on us all!

Annual best places to live rankings were published this summer and while no Georgia city made the US News and World Report top 10, Peachtree City snagged the number eight spot on the CNN Money Magazine rankings. Dunwoody was nowhere to be found.

Why is that?

As US News explains in their methodology page, crime statistics play a significant part. Seems like a good idea to live in a place with low crime, even if you're a criminal (less competition). If we compare Peachtree City and Dunwoody we find that Dunwoody not only has more violent and property crime than Peachtree City but that it is more than double the national average.

Some have posited that Dunwoody stats are inflated because they are reported as part of DeKalb's stats and when these are disaggregated the true, and more flattering, image of Dunwoody will emerge. This puts folks who ardently support both Dunwoody and the Dunwoody PD (and its likely expansion) in a tight spot. You simply cannot tout Dunwoody as a wonderful place to live, evoking pastoral images of Mayberry and Rockwellian vignettes of a calmer, safer time filled with Lemonade Days and Fourth of July Parades, and then turn around and justify a 40+ member police force with no traffic enforcement division (and yet consuming over 40% of our budget) by claiming crime in Dunwoody makes this necessary. You also cannot ignore the recent daytime burglaries.

When this contradiction was pointed out to a popular local blogger he immediately pulled a post touting his belief that Dunwoody was somehow slighted, that not making the list was DeKalb's fault, that Dunwoody was and would be proven better. This retraction was sad recognition of an obvious political dilema with an equally obvious solution: support the PD over PR even if that means supporting the PD over reality. We have transitioned to a chauvanistic Deutschland, Deutschland über alles from the pollyannish Mayberry, RFD that got us a city in the first place.

But just where does that lead? We have what many say is an already bloated police department that others contend is understaffed even at these levels--after all there are those daytime burglaries. Still others, especially those told there is no traffic enforcement division, see executive and management incompetence.

One thing is certain, the police force will not shrink, and its growth will always be justified as a public safety necessity. It is the only way to sell it. Unfortunately this promotion of Dunwoody as a high crime area, or even as an island of calm where safety is maintained by constant patrols of an armed militia, does nothing to improve Dunwoody's stature as a great place to live.

So if we must have prophylactic patrols, let them be traffic enforcement. Surely flashing blue lights at a traffic stop will do more to advertise a benign police presence than sulking black and whites. After all the goal should be to make our community safer, even from speeders and let criminals know this is not a good place to set up shop. This can be done without sending the message that Dunwoody is dangerous crime pit.

Imagine how the current "crime drives staff expansion" PR campaign affects property values. Suppose you are relocating from a nice quiet town in another state and you are looking at houses in Dunwoody. As the real estate agent drives you around, you can't help but notice the police. They're everywhere. All over the mall. Cruising the neighborhoods. Dunwoody PD. DeKalb PD. MARTA. Mall cops. Folks, cops don't prevent crime, they respond to crime, going to where the crime leads them.

There must be something we can do and there is. If you believe the stats are inflated, the PD too large and mismanaged, then take action. Elections are coming up. Let your voice be heard. If you believe crime is bad and getting worse, protect yourself. Don't become another statistic. And dear reader, you can always do both.

What's Wrong With Us?

As in, what's wrong with us, with us being us? There must be something. We hear it all the time. Coming from city hall and all those folks who run this city. The city we voted into existence.

We're a suburban community, a bit upscale but not posh, always have been, always liked it. Still do. This was never a community of "starter homes" and even the smaller houses have always been priced at a premium. And what's wrong with that? EXACTLY what is wrong with that? Is there something wrong with those McMansions being built across from the Fire Station on Roberts? You know, the ones starting at $1.6M. Who's going to buy those? Well, that would be the same kind of folks who bought their Redfield four-four-and-a-door thirty years ago: people buying their step-up home, perhaps their forever home, and very often transplants with a good relo package. Not some mid-20's kid who's just starting out and who, if you follow the science, sports a frontal cortex that is not fully formed. So, in a normal mind, what's wrong with being an upscale community?

We've also never been fans of density. Why? Because density brings crime because density brings people. More and more people. And there is not a peer-reviewed study, even one funded by developers, that shows  that increasing density decreases the per capita rate of crime. Therefore: more people; more crime. This ain't even maths, this is arithmetic. Real. Simple. Arithmetic. So exactly how is it wrong for Dunwoody to not want more crime, to not invite more crime into our community?

Let's talk apartments. Dunwoody has always been against apartments. And by Dunwoody, we mean the community of folks who built this place and who in a moment clouded by enthusiasm, voted this city into existence. They have a very good reason for not liking apartments: schools. Certainly this is DeKalb and touting the school system as a whole is a precarious position to take, but there is no doubt whatsoever that folks pay a premium to get their kids into Vanderlyn, above and beyond the Dunwoody premium. It's a tight community (within a community) and apartments bring (more) overcrowding and transients. Not community stalwarts. Dunwoodians like their schools and they want them to be better, not worse. What's wrong with that?

Our "development" has always been organic, especially around the Village, Orchard Park and Georgetown. Dunwoodians like it like that, in no small part because they don't like things forced upon them. Someone wants to chase their life-long dream of running a restaurant? Fine. If it's any good, if it suits the community then they will do well, even thrive. If not, well...next. Mellow Mushroom has done well for quite some time, as has Village Burger. NFA is winning awards. Vintage has been a few places: Pavillion II; Corner Bar; MudCatz. Steak & Grace is the third steakhouse in that location. You do what you do, you do it well, you respect the community, and you will thrive, and...you're welcome. This is the essence of organic development. Dunwoodians like that. They really, really like when someone from the community, or coming to the community, tries to understand and serve the community, yet somehow that is seen as wrong.

Yeah, we like our streets paved, but more than that we like safe streets, and back in the day we had them. The referendum sales job would give anyone the impression that DeKalb North Precinct officers flocked to Buford Highway, but the fact is, if you reported speeding or other traffic violations in your neighborhood, DeKalb PD would send out a patrol and put a stop to it. We expected more of that and the definition of disappointment is "unmet expectations." We're disappointed. But it is hard to fathom how we're wrong, wrong to want speeders and red-light runners off our streets. 

We were told about "local control," because we really, really don't like outsiders telling us what to do with our lives, with our community. And we really didn't like Decatur telling us what to do or how they, as outsiders, seemed to be ruining our community. So we were told things would certainly be better when our elected officials were nearby neighbors, as certainly they would not screw over another neighbor, someone you might see about town, at church, or shopping. What they didn't tell us was that would be because they really cannot do anything, good or bad, and they neglected to tell us that unelected bureaucrats would be running this place, and they are so far removed from the ballot box that vox populi is on full mute. By action, since the very beginning, we're being told there is no local control, and in fact, we were wrong to want it, and to expect it. 

These bureaucrats have no interest in listening to us or in understanding us. Instead they understand and listen to those who best advance the bureaucrats' interests, and they are more than willing to sell Dunwoody out from under us. That's why we get a unanimous vote in support of a developer's damp dream of making a fortune building hundreds of (unwanted) apartments on Ashford Dunwoody. In further support, they'll tout the "over 55" nature of the development, suggesting no impact on schools, knowing full well this is neither rigorous nor enforced. Not by Dunwoody bureaucrats anyway. They will do their obligatory "soliciting public input" sessions but any public pushback will be ignored and all comments will be cherry picked in support of what they were going to do all along. They don't care what we want or what we like, and they don't even care to find out. They cater to outside interests, be it developers, or grant funders, doing what these entities want regardless of what the community wants or even needs. And they are so profoundly, completely banal. We have a logo that looks like someone spent all of five minutes cruising Google Images and settled on something more commonly associated with places on a river. Not Dunwoody. Some son of a son of a bible salesman sold them on "place making" so they join in the Sign Wars and we end up with Dunwoody Dildoes scattered around the city outskirts. Here's a clue for the mental munchkins at city hall: we ARE a place and we always have been. Then we simply must pave interstate lanes all across our residential areas. Why? Because everyone else is doing it. So the rule in this city is: we cannot be ourselves, we must be like everyone else, because being ourselves, well that's just plain wrong. 

And why is Dunwoody, our Dunwoody, the one of our making, so reviled at city hall? Why do they cater to outsiders rather than us? It is as if they are trying to destroy us, destroy our community. Think of it this way: if they were really trying to destroy Dunwoody, what would they do differently?  And, if you could vote all over again, would you vote differently?

Holiday Horror Classics

The recent real-life horror of the ATL power kerfuffle reminds us of what can (and will) happen when a complex system is confronted with the prospect of what in isolation seems like a simple, single failure. The entire house of cards collapses and the KaseemKeishaKingdom has more than a little difficulty sorting Humpty's mess. The problem is of tragic proportions when a company secondarily noted for being closed on Sunday delivers food to stranded travelers. On Sunday.

But it is also a time to reflect. On what is. What was. And what just might be. In the spirit of the season TOD will offer some reading recommendations to scare the bejeezus out of you this holiday season.

Topping the list has to be Ted Koppel's Lights Out: A Cyberattack, A Nation Unprepared, Surviving the Aftermath, a well researched treatise on the fragility of the nation's electrical grid. While the title focuses on the prospect of a cyberattack which resonates with today's "the Russians are coming! the Russians are coming!" terror-mongering the author does reflect on lower-tech approaches to flip the switch on our darkest days. No high tech, no frightening assault rifles required. Nor commandeering of any fuel laden transports. Just a few disgruntled bubbas (aren't they always bubbas?) with deer rifles, decent aims and a middling, operational understanding of the magic of PGP and we could see the grid dropping like pine trees after a blizzard. The ease of creating the calamity is just a tease as the real horror is our country's inability to survive for more than a few days without power. "What do you mean you cannot pump gas without electricity? Who knew?" He offers one ray of hope for those who want to survive: become a Mormon. THEY know.

For those a little more into Charles Manson than Hitchcock there is the legal thriller from Timothy Sandefur: The Permission Society: How the Ruling Class Turns Our Freedoms Into Privileges and What We Can Do About It. This is a story about how you, the reader, may think you are a prince when in fact you have become a frog. A slowly boiled frog. Unlike Lights Out, religion offers no refuge. You're screwed. Your parents were screwed. Your grandparents were screwed. And it is only getting worse. It becomes like a twisted version of bells and angels' wings from It's a Wonderful Life: whenever you hear "there oughta be a law" you know someone is getting screwed. More times than not that someone is you. While the title promises a way out it only raises false hope. There is no way out. You cannot even chew your arm off to escape this one.

While fact is often more frightening than fiction and some say fear of the unknown is greater than any other, it is Lionel Shriver's The Mandibles: A Family, 2029-2047 that will scare your mule. This dystopian novel set in the not so distant future depicts a United States after the Social Democrats have their way. Based on simple economic truths running headlong into persistent political expediencies the US economy and social fabric collapses like an imploded 20 year old football stadium. Virtually nothing in Shriver's novel stretches credulity leaving the reader convinced that this future is highly likely, if not entirely unavoidable. Spoiler alert: there is a wall on our southern border; Mexico did pay for it; and they built it to keep us out.

You may think these are fairy tales where bad children get baked in a witch's oven. But look around. We've got electrical infrastructure so fragile that a City Councilman felt compelled to dress down company managers in a public meeting (to be fair that was probably just political grandstanding) and parts of Dunwoody did indeed lose power in the recent snow storm. The very existence of the City of Dunwoody is an affectation of a ruling class benefiting from more government, more restrictions, more regulations and more permits, all at your expense. If recent run-ups in gold and bitcoin haven't convinced you that the value of currency is NOT the full faith and credit of a government and its bureaucrats but instead the faith of those holding that currency then you really haven't been paying attention. For those thinking real estate is a safe repository of wealth you might ponder that it is the most heavily taxed vehicle for holding wealth--until the government comes to get it.

So if you have the courage and would like some good reads these should find their way onto your list.

We're Walking. We're Walking.

There are pedestrian friendly places and then there are pedestrian centric places. With the former you have a pretty good chance of crossing the street without getting run down. With the latter as you approach the curb at a marked crossing auto traffic actually stops while you cross. There is a town that would best be categorized as one of the latter within a reasonable distance of daVille, but we're not going to tell you where*.

But we will tell you what it is like and offer a few reasons why Dunwoody will never be like this.

It is a town, not a city with a population of around 12,000, so about one fourth that of Dunwoody. It covers approximately 6 square miles putting it just below one half of Dunwoody's 13. The town was founded in the early to mid 1800's celebrating its sesquicentennial before Dunwoody was envisioned. Except in the outer fringes bordering a lake the houses are older with ample yards and blessed with trees that were planted before any of the current residents, no matter how old, were even born. A tall building downtown is two stories and while some residences might reach three it is a stretch as you'd have to count either the basement or the attic or both. The downtown definition of "apartment" would translate here as "house for rent" and multi-tenant rentals top out at "duplex."

The approach to the town from the nearby highway requires visitors to traverse not one but two roundabouts. And these are not the sprawling wastes of space we see in Roswell but are double lane (in the circle) yet quite compact. This facilitates pedestrian traffic by keeping crosswalks close by. It also gives visitors a gentle clue about priorities in this little town. The highway also separates the newer lakeside area from the older, more historic town center.

While Dunwoody has Perimeter Center to fill its coffers this little town has a real Main Street with many small shops and restaurants in buildings that come right to the sidewalk so by and large the locals actually pay for their own town. Where there is parking it is parallel or slant-in and free of charge. For most businesses along Main Street, particularly restaurants, outdoor dining is behind the building between the building and parking at the rear (where most parking is located). Some restaurants do not have a street front presence at all and while this makes them harder to find they are well worth the effort. Like Dunwoody this town hosts a college but one that is significantly smaller than Dunwoody's Perimeter campus and is a significant component of downtown. Also like Dunwoody it appears to be relatively free of homeless bums and blessed with enough Mexican labour to keep the place neat and clean.

This little town grew organically over an extended period of time. It is mature, even old. Where we start our pontifications with "I've lived in Dunwoody for X-number of years" it is not uncommon for adults in this town to be fourth or fifth generation and they generally do not feel the need to brag about it. It is their town, their birthplace and their ancestral home. Dunwoody is a neo-bettendorf with a better name and a serious identity crisis.

It is, as most small Southern towns, built around a single dominant industry. People who gathered around that industry joined together sharing common interest and formed the town. Dunwoody is the byproduct of the greed of suburban transients whose anger was born of sending tax money southward and receiving less than we felt our due in return.

But this is about walkability.

The little town has a relatively flat aspect. While this is the South and heat is unavoidable, mature trees provide ample shade (which does nothing for the humidity). Sidewalks are where they need to be and go from curb to storefront on Main. Streets that would be four lanes of traffic in Dunwoody are two lane with parallel parking at the curbs which are then separated from traffic by bike lanes. Pedestrian centric goes foot in stirrup with bike friendly.

Crosswalks are well marked and never more than a city block apart--if that far. On each side is a small pole with a container for orange flags. Should a pedestrian be worried that they are not seen they take a flag on one side and deposit it in the container on the other side after completing their journey.  You are your own crossing guard but the fact is you don't really need to be.

Drivers making a left turn are required to yield to crossing pedestrians. And the crosswalk light that would cause this to happen turns to "walk" at the same time as the left turn signal goes green and if there are enough pedestrians or they take long enough to cross then you're just not going to make that turn.

You're probably wondering how this can be anything but Redneck Frogger. Perhaps you think it is a form of that Southern Malady that causes folks to pull over for a funeral procession. Maybe it is something in the water. It is actually much simpler. This town has two speed limits: slow and slower. To be more precise some areas sport a blazing fast 25 MPH speed limit while most areas, including Main Street are set at 20 MPH. And these limits are universally observed and no one seems to believe that their horn is directly connected to the gas pedal of the car ahead of them. The chicken-egg dilemma is whether the limit is observed due to diligent enforcement or if observance obviated the need for enforcement. In any event you don't see speeders so you don't see them pulled over.

You could say this town is an "existence proof" that true pedestrian communities can be built. Perhaps. But not here.

In Dunwoody the flags would probably be red but it wouldn't matter as they would quickly be stolen. In this little town folks don't lock their doors or chain their bikes. One renter lost his keys and rather than get replacements simply left his doors unlocked. For the last six months of his lease.

There are 25 MPH postings in Dunwoody and not just at key hours in a school zone. But outside of those school zones these limits are never enforced or observed. They are rarely enforced in school zones. The simple fact of the matter is Dunwoody would never tolerate the perceived cost in time and convenience required to achieve what this little town has. Consider the public comments should someone suggest that Chamblee Dunwoody and Mount Vernon in daVille suffer a 20 MPH speed limit. Three minutes is not enough.

This town is not a product of the bureaucratic façade we call Complete Streets and was not built by Federal grants according to a distant, detached, dictatorial social architect's blueprint. Instead this is a cohesive community willing to accept the costs in time and money to make a pedestrian centric community a reality with a long term commitment to keep it that way. And it is the citizens who for the most part pick up the tab. This is not in Dunwoody DNA.

This town is nearly heaven on earth for those who live there--as close to Mayberry as  you're likely to find.** If we're being truly honest and self-aware all of us in the Wold know we'd rather watch Mayberry on TV than actually live there.

* This unanimous decision was reached by the TOD editorial board with almost no discussion whatsoever. To a person the board is "American by birth and Southern by the grace of God" and have just about had it with many of the finest places in the Southland being ruined by carpetbaggin' Yankees and we'll have no part in the ongoing destruction of our homeland. 

** We admit that we have not done an exhaustive search. But we're working on it.

To Infinity...

...and beyond!

Do you spend much time thinking about infinity?

Probably not since you are wasting perfectly good infinity-thinking time reading this tripe. And ponder this: you don't have an infinite amount of time to ponder infinity. Due to your lack of infinity-thinking you probably just think of infinity as a lazy eight all laid over on it's side. Might make you think $$ \infty < 8 $$ or at least that infinity is somehow inferior. Perhaps inebriated.

If you think much about infinity then like most folks you may think of infinity as the largest number there is which is not a bad definition at times. Suppose you think of a large number, larger than you ever thunk before and you can give it a name. That number still isn't infinity because infinity is the largest there is and is therefore larger than yours. In fact, it is larger than yours plus one. Or wrap your noggin' around this: infinity is larger than your largest-ever number PLUS INFINITY! In fact infinity is bigger than infinity plus infinity. All because infinity is the largest number there is and like the national debt it just keeps getting bigger and just when you think it is getting big as fast as it possibly can it starts getting bigger even faster.

Now we just bounced around some quizzical ponderings about adding a couple of numbers and comparing to infinity to get you out of that self-absorbed all-about-Dunwoody mind-trap you've been stuck in and get a few of those remaining synapses fired up. Now it's time to get a bit more formal.

Now let's be clear before this goes any further. We're not talking arithmetic here--this will tread dangerously close to math. You know. That shit you forgot. And this is not modern math--the kind that seems to always involve toothpicks or pizza--this is that classic stuff with the Greek letters and what not.

And this is not the kind of question that you're kid is gonna see on the CRCT. No siree. Nothing at like:

If Johnny has 5 reefers and gives 3 to Suzie for a peek down her sweater, what can we say about Johnny?

1. Johnny's gonna score with Suzie.
2. Johnny is hanging with the wrong crowd.
3. Johnny has 2 spliffs left.
4. Johnny IS the wrong crowd. 
5. All of the above.

Nope. This problem has fewer and much simpler answers. In fact, it only has one answer. And the question is "What is the sum of all integers greater than or equal to one?" Or, to get your geek on:
$$\sum\limits_{i=1}^\infty i = ? $$
While all the round-eyes are headed down to Kroger to buy more toothpicks before going all Rain Man on us let's get all the Asian kids to put down their violins and talk this thing thru.

First off we know the answer just has to be big. After all we start at 1 and add every other number on top of it so how can it not? We've already learned it can't be bigger than infinity--or can it?

This really makes your head hurt.

We're adding up an infinite number of numbers all of which are greater than one and the answer cannot be greater than infinity because infinity is the biggest number there is or ever will be but that is also the number of numbers we're adding up. Can it also be that the infinite sum of numbers greater than one cannot grow faster than infinity itself? Is this the mathematical equivalent of the physics conundrum of two objects approaching one another, each traveling at three quarters the speed of light and yet each sees the oncoming speed as less than the speed of light except that in this case we're talking about infinity and infinity is actually accelerating? Can we at least agree that infinity has no mass?

So if the sum of an infinite number of numbers greater than one cannot be infinity then surely it must be something else. If it is indeed less than infinity what other number could it be less than? If it is less than one other number can it be less than others as well? Could an infinite sum of numbers itself be less than an infinite number of numbers? But since we're adding integers then surely the sum of integers must also be an integer otherwise our entire understanding of the universe would collapse--dogs would meow, cats would bathe, pigs would fly and Democrats would pay taxes. The world as we know it would be over.

And so it is.

The answer to this infinite sum of integers is indeed less than a well known though relatively recently discovered number--zero. And just for fun it is a fraction as well.

Spoiler alert!

The answer is:
$$\sum\limits_{i=1}^\infty i = -1/12 $$
Don't believe it? Why, because half the shit you read here is made up? Fine. Check this out:



Of those who actually watched this video some probably have the same feeling you get when you see David Copperfield make the Eiffel Tower disappear--it looks believable but deep down you just know it isn't true. The rest are mumbling to themselves that one sixth really is bigger than one fourth and they knew it all along.

And the math world is all a-flutter as well but not for the reason you might think. Turns out the answer is correct but there are those who disagree with the method.

But given this answer perhaps the best way to look at this is if you had a dozen eggs and Johnny steals one this number represents the egg Johnny took.

Fundamental Analysis

Fundamental analysis involves evaluating a business based on its financial statements and health, its management and competitive advantages in the context of its competitors, markets and the overall economy.  While technical analysts see the market as a voting machine the fundamental analysts see it as a weighing machine and use analytical techniques to evaluate current value and gain some insight into value evolution. These techniques are often applied to value investing where investors believe that revenue drives earnings, earnings drive stock price and management drives them both. This thinking underpins the investment philosophy espoused by Warren Buffett who has focused on finding outstanding companies at reasonable prices rather than generic companies at bargain prices.

Mere mortals make similar investment decisions but are probably more susceptible to the influence of emotion than the Oracle of Omaha. Sometimes investors consciously choose to invest unwisely to align investments with a personal philosophy (e.g., picking a "green" investment like Solentra) or avoid certain market segments (e.g., "sin" industries like liquor and cigarettes) in spite of the possibility of significant losses or the opportunity for lucrative returns.

And that's just getting into an investment. Where emotion all too often rules the day is getting out. Even with fundamental analysis and routine review it is difficult to be dispassionate when you see a company's fundamental performance fall and almost impossible to acknowledge that a favoured stock is in a death spiral. Investors get emotionally attached to their investments.

Sometimes it is the investor's needs that change. Young investors can tolerate high risk in their portfolio as they have time to recover from risky investments that don't pan out. Older investors may not be able to weather a business down cycle quite as well and may favour lower yield but more stable portfolios. Youngsters may eschew dividend income (if only due to tax impact) while the retired may rely on dividends as a key component of income. Investment needs change and portfolios must be adapted to those changes.

Most Dunwoody homeowners grew up being told that their home is their largest single investment. For many that is true. No matter when they purchased Dunwoody homeowners performed an analysis no matter how informal and determined at that time and for their objectives that the home they now own in Dunwoody was the best option for their needs. They analyzed the particulars of the home, the neighborhood and the overall community. They evaluated the HOA and the local government and the decided (based on their purchase) that Dunwoody was better suited than other competitive options. We're a city of smart people and that's what smart people do.

They made the investment.

Now things have changed--if they bought more than five years ago many things in the local community have changed and their original evaluation is no longer valid. It may also be that their needs and objectives have changed. Empty nesters do not need the Dunwoody Four Four and a Door and stairs are often unkind to older knees. They need to re-evaluate their holdings to determine if they have the right investment for their current needs. Every portfolio, even real estate portfolios, should be subject to regular (if not constant) review.

Often investors are reluctant to perform these reviews since it often becomes painfully clear that it is time to change one holding in favour of different holding. One that yields a better investing outcome or is just better suited to the investors' current needs. When it is your home, a home you had previously been quite happy with, it can be even more painful. But facts are facts.

Dunwoody has changed. It has a new government, some say better, some say nay. If you came here for "good schools" those are long gone and not likely to return. If you came for the parks you were simply misinformed. If you came here for low crime and a quiet lifestyle you now have The Mall. If it was convenient access to shopping and restaurants traffic has eliminated all hope for convenience.

Things have changed. It is time to take a cold analytical look at what Dunwoody is rather than dwell on what it once was. To evaluate what it may become, guess at the future trajectory and determine if that is a place you want to call home. You should be asking yourself "if I didn't live in Dunwoody already would I really want to move here?" and if the answer is "yes" you still have a sound investment. If the answer is "no" you should upgrade your portfolio.

MLK in Dunwoody

The game is afoot and Dunwoody has responded by incorporating yet another "non-profit" in an attempt to snag the Georgia Music Hall of Fame. As some may know, the GMHF has fallen on hard times and being the opportunists we are, Dunwoody is ready to pounce. The bid is in. It is stacked with two résumés for each and every member of the newly minted non-profit--a tactic clearly intended to demonstrate their incredible abilities to make a profit, yet it nonetheless makes a compelling case for relocating the irreplaceable GMHF assets from an AAM certified facility in Macon to the stock room behind an expansive gift shop in Perimeter Mall.

But they've run into a wee little problem. The tale that follows was recounted to The Other Dunwoody by a meeting attendee who cannot be named because they are not authorized to speak on behalf of the "no-pro". As it turns out, only one person is allowed to speak for the no-pro, and he speaks too much.

The meeting, held recently at an undisclosed location, was dominated by The Grand Poohbah, designated speaker, and the Purveyor of Bloated Non-Profit Salaries, also serving as Treasurer, who enjoyed the ill fate of reporting the bad news to Pooh.

"Pooh, I just got off the phone with the head of GMHF and they have a problem with the Dunwoody relo."

"Look, Purv, I thought I had this locked down. This isn't more whining about their precious artifacts being stored in...what did they call it...yeah, a "smash and grab" shopping center? Or is it that AAM certification crap again?"

"Well, those two are still on the table. Sort of."

"What do you mean 'sort of'?"

"It's like this Pooh: it seems, outside of Dunwoody proper, and you know what I mean by proper, there are lots of African Americans in Georgia. It should come as no surprise that this is reflected in the demographics of both the inductees and attendees of the GMHF."

"So? Just because Dunwoody is in Georgia, doesn't mean there's Georgians in Dunwoody. It's always been that way. Plus, this is the 'Town in Beige' not 'Somewhere Under a Rainbow'.  And we didn't paint the Farmhouse WHITE because the paint was cheaper!"

"Yeah, Pooh. I know...I know. But it's different now. Things have changed since you moved here. Now we want something from The Other Georgia and well, they want something from us. They won't even consider our bid without it."

"OK Purv. What the hell is it? Do they want more money under the table? Is this just another shakedown? Haven't  we paid them enough already?"

Purv, in a voice tinged with fear, whispered his response. "Dammit Pooh. I told you about that kinda talk. You keep it up, folks are gonna find out and you'll have us all in trouble. And NO, that's not what it is. It's even worse."

"What could be worse?"

"I'll tell you what. Turns out they've looked over every map of Dunwoody and come to find out, we don't have a street named after Martin Luther King. Not a one. Nowhere. And they'll not have the GMHF in a city without one."

"Alright Purv! I've had enough of your practical jokes and you've wasted enough of all our time. Especially mine! And who else was in on this prank? I want names. NOW!"

"Look Pooh, this is no joke. And they're not negotiating on this. There is no wiggle room. None whatsoever. Fer crissakes they're even ON Martin Luther King Boulevard in Macon. This is serious. We've gotta find a street to rename and push it through Council ASAP or Athens is gonna win with that silly 'we're the most musical city in Georgia' bullshit. And Athens has a Martin Luther King Parkway."

"OK. Fine. Let's pick a street. How about Jett Ferry? Get it? Jett?"

"Yeah, Pooh, I get it. And even if you weren't trying to be funny, you know what kind of people live on Jett Ferry. Can you see them sending out Christmas cards with an MLK return address? How about Ashford-Dunwoody? That's where it will be located and it's a silly name anyway." 

"Negatory, Purv. I've got plans for renaming that road." Nods of approval all around the room. "How about over by Winter's Chapel? Those folks won't complain, half of 'em don't even speak English. Or Tilly Mill? You gonna tell me there's folks wantin' to rename it 'Golda Lox Lane' or something?"

Purv ended the uncomfortable silence, responding in a firm, controlled voice. "Pooh, this is serious and if you can't be, then it's you who's wasting time. We gotta come up with a street and it can't be so obvious we shoved it in a corner. Get with the program."

Pooh, not acknowledging the prior offense and with more than a little anger in his voice retorted: "Don't talk to me like that Purv. I'll have your ass if you do. So what street would you pick since you're so smart? You think you're gonna rename Mount Vernon or Chamblee Dunwoody, or even Dunwoody Road?"

"Dunwoody Road is out. You can't even begin to imagine the hell we'd catch from that asshole blogger on that one." As Purv pours over an expensive GIS map of Dunwoody, he stops, looks up and says, "I've got it. This is perfect."

"Ok, so what is it?"

"Nandina!"

"Nandina? Where, or what, the hell is Nandina?"

"Nandina. It's that short piece of pavement between Mount Vernon and Chamblee Dunwoody that all those assholes use as a cut-through."

"You mean the jerks who expect the whole world to stop so they can make a left turn?"

"Those are they.  This is perfect. It's in lovely downtown Dunwoody. Folks on both major roads will see the signs and know how inclusive we are. It's close enough to the Farmhouse to be a place of honor, but independent enough that it will not evoke antebellum images."

"Purv, stop with the gibberish and speak English." Pooh leans over the map and smiles. "Ya know what? You're absolutely right, Nandina is perfect. With a name like that it can't be related to a founding father. Sounds Mexican so no Dunwoodians will object...can you imagine the uproar if we renamed a cul de sac called 'Brickleberry Lane'?"

"You can NOT name a dead end street after Martin Luther King!"

"Right. With Nandina we only have to change two signs. Not as good as one, but still not bad. And think of the money we save, when...er...if we change it back. You're a genius! But there's only one other thing."

"What's that."

"Everybody has to know it was my idea."

"WHAT!!???" It's MY idea."

"Look, Purv, you signed an IPR agreement. All ideas belong to me. That's just the way it is."

Purv, obviously annoyed, said "Fine. We're still not done Mister Idea Man. What are you gonna call it: Boulevard, Street, Road, or Lane? Or maybe you think it would be a good idea to call it 'Alley'?"

"You're about to cross a line you don't wanna cross there Purv. Anyway, I don't need to make that choice. Though I'm sure they'd rubber-stamp the idea, it's nice to throw the Council a bone every now and then. This is one of those times. Let them pick, then they're committed to it too. Now, unknot yer shorts and get the ball rollin'. We need an official Memo From The Staff signed by 5K. We need it inside the hour, so get moving. When you get that done, get those biddies over at 'Lemonade Days' started on the renaming ceremony. I'll be busy writing my speech."

There you have it Dear Readers. Martin Luther King Jr. is coming to Dunwoody and we have the Georgia Music Hall of Fame to thank for it.

City Increasing Taxes

You heard it here first. Actually if you really heard it here first you haven't been listening.

For quite some time the mayor and city council, all very smart folks, have been working to fritter our money away on their pet projects while ignoring core services. Ultimately this achieves the goal of every politician: increase their power by increasing the money available to wield power. And just where does that additional money come from? You guessed it: tax increases!

Have you noticed the poor condition of streets in Dunwoody? Do you realize that the referendum was a stop-work order to the county's road repair crews? Or, that Dunwoody has done little or nothing to pave and properly maintain our streets in two years? Ah, but some consultants have been paid. Smart consultants. Sadly that won't keep your front end aligned now will it?

Have you also noticed the bloated police department? Perhaps if fewer officers were sent on international junkets to Israel and Georgia, or patrols spent time in the city rather than cruising 285 we wouldn't need the bloat. We might even go round up burglars, for whom we have solid physical evidence, rather than calling them up and inviting them for coffee and donuts. Guess what, the perp didn't show.

And then there is legal. If a certain startup had shown the growth that the city attorney's office has, well we might have quite a savings in that department as well.

But routine negligence and excessive overhead are simply not enough. By delaying work on core needs we built up a surplus and that just had to go. And it did -- to buy the "PVC Farm". Why? Not because it was a good land deal and certainly not because we lacked other, more important uses for the money. The real reason is much simpler.

It seems some folks, probably from neighboring apartments, have installed a basketball goal. In Dunwoody!!! Not very smart, eh? As you may know, we've had heated debates over where the next baseball fields are located, but basketball courts? Fuggedaboutit! Dribble, dribble, fake-pump, shoot is a sports analogy about the lack of transparent government in Dunwoody, not something we want to see on the commute home.

Ahhh but baseball. That's the pure American sport for the pure unhyphenated-American. For loyal Dunwoody fans this purchase was a triple play. It eliminated a majority of our surplus funds. It will eliminate the basketball goals. And it prevents the construction of apartment homes. Clearly a higher priority than roads and sidewalks.

It doesn't take Nostradamus to have seen this coming. After all when we voted for a city we immediately made it more expensive to live in Dunwoody. The county, being unincorporated, doesn't levy franchise fees, while our fledgling, now poor-mouthing, city does. Fees that we all pay. And it is quite the line item on the income side of the ledger.

So there you have it. The city started off with more funds and a new, larger source of funding than the county ever had and now look at where we are: two years of decaying infrastructure and a decimated surplus followed by a call for tax increases. Some are saying Dunwoody really is full of smart people who certainly should have known this would be the direct consequence of forming this city. Though we don't get a "do-over", when you go to the polls this fall you might want to ask yourself: "are these people worth what I'm already paying, let alone more?" Show them how much smarter you've become.

Cheerleaders Don't Win Games

Sometimes they don't even know what game is being played.

Since first meeting resistance to the Pave Paradise scheme of the [Shining] PATH Foundation, the mayor has been trying to get the cool kids, and only the cool kids, to show up for a pep rally. No Boo-Birds need attend. To the mayor's dismay, the Boo-Birds will not stay away. And it is as if the Shining PATH is feeding the seagulls at the beach with expected results. Not only have the Boo-Birds flocked to the events, and not only have they displayed their dismay, the breadth of their issues and the intensity with which they are presented is growing. Not what the mayor and the other elected cheerleaders had in mind. 

In addition to previous pushback around poor location and planning seemingly catering to non-residents more than anyone else there was significant pushback against destruction of quality of life. As it turns out there remain Dunwoody residents who purchased a home for peace and quiet, to live in privacy, perhaps even cloistered. And yes, that means these communities, often with HOAs are likely to have barriers in place including walls, fences and private ownership of neighborhood roads. The Shining PATH and their mayor (ostensibly our mayor) doesn't really give two shits about that. They intend to open up these neighborhoods, tear down the barriers and destroy the privacy these neighbors hold dear. 

The usual suspects have also shown up in support, notably the Bike Brigade. First they got their bike lanes whenever, wherever pavement was re-striped and now they are all in on the plan to add just under 4.4 Million square feet of impervious surface to "Tree City," some of which will likely intrude on stream buffers. But when you are monomaniacal like the Brigade and the mayor, well, nothing else really matters, does it? 

Makes you wonder what happened to the not-so-distant era of Going Green, since concrete is one of the most environmentally unfriendly synthetic materials in the world, whose manufacture alone is responsible for 5% of global CO2 emissions. This doesn't account for the trees and other vegetation destroyed for the installation of a series of interstate-highway-scale lanes. It will destroy not only trees in the way, but those beside with suffer and many die due to inevitable root damage. Apparently there is even less concern about runoff and the harm that will cause to the local ecology. 

And when did Shining PATH take ownership of Dunwoody? Really. Who died and made them Local Control? What little pushback there was came from King John and was dismissed by the Shining PATH Planning Priest as inappropriate and requiring too much specificity. Apparently in their view a "Master Plan" is little more that a commitment, a contract if you will, with little specificity beyond "costs will be exceeded." Yet there was enough specificity to tell some residents their privacy was about to be obliterated. Seems like someone was blowing smoke, perhaps in the wrong person's face. Exactly what is it that King John does for a living? Who does he work for? Is it possible he is a bit of a domain expert when it comes to paving our way out of paradise? Hmmmm...do you really think it is a good idea to mansplain to to him?

In reality this "path" thing is just a stepping stone to a greater destruction of Dunwoody, at least the Dunwoody that attracted most residents in the first place. The ultimate goal is to add as much ultra-high-density housing to Dunwoody as possible. High Street is just the beginning with plans already forming to bring Stick Frame Over Podium housing to the Village and any other cluster of shops developers set their sights on. After all, who wouldn't want to live five or six floors above E. 48th Street Market? You'd have great views of the golf course sunbathers around that backyard pool. These "paths" along with parks are a way of deflecting obvious negatives about this ultra-high-density. The developers' bureaucrats at city hall will point to these and suggest access to "paths" and parks makes up for living like a sardine. If they dare suggest this will add to the tax base you know it's too late to save the shoes as the Developers' Authority will keep these [re]developments off the tax rolls. And that Stick Frame? Well, that is planned obsolescence at its best. These will not outlast the tax handout before needing to be re-developed, with, wait for it, another tax handout. And they are hell-bent on doing this. After all, they had no problem whatsoever stealing property from a church.

A few folks, most probably more Dunwoody than you, remember going to GaTech football games in the early '80s. If so, you may remember the cheerleaders, who seemed too clueless to attend Tech, had this bizarre cheer that somehow involved bananas. They trotted this out for a couple of games in a row, much to the crowd's displeasure. Booing and razzing did not seem to get the point across so at the next home game students smuggled in bananas and when the cheer started those cheerleaders were pelted with enough fruit to feed a troop of chimpanzees for a month. And the student section was never subjected to that odious, totally forgettable cheer ever again. Maybe it is time, metaphorically speaking, for residents to  ask our elected officials "how much they like them bananas?"

Fight Or Flight

The days drift by
They don't have names
None of the streets here look the same
And there's so many quiet places
Smilin' eyes match the smilin' faces

And I have found me a home
I have found me a home
You can have the rest of everything I own
'Cause I have found me a home

The recent trend in the Blogosphere of the Wold is to assign monikers to teams involved in our little skirmishes, or at least deprecating ones to those holding the opposing position and this seems like fun so for the purpose of this diatribe we shall do the same. In the first corner the formerly retired champion making a comeback is the contingency known as "More Dunwoody Than You" aka "Mo Wood" and in the opposing corner the young upstarts, Dunwoody's collective agents of change, our very own Cheese Hunters extraordinaire, the "Jeezer Cheeser".

What has Mo Wood back in the ring facing Jeezer Cheeser is a skirmish over a skirmish, specifically the "Battle for Dunwoody". Mo viewed the conflict between Dunwoody and Dekalb in simple terms with clearly stated, limited objectives much like Stormin' Norman in the first Gulf "war". Once the City was established and our taxes stayed here payin' for Police, patchin' potholes and pavin' parks they considered the war over. Job well done, but more importantly, job DONE.

Jeezer, young and hotheaded was more like Patton and seems in it to never win it, to never say that the last battle is fought and won, but to slog on in a never ending campaign to battle against what he sees as the forces of evil. By and large this means anyone who wants to keep Dunwoody a sleepy little Bettendorf. Just a bit too quaint for Jeezer. Plus Jeezer is a fighter and is itchin' to take all comers.

Mo's position has the merit of simplicity: Mo "bought into Dunwoody" when it was a sleepy bedroom community and though Jeezer cannot believe and will have none of it, actually LIKED it that way. Mo's complaint with DeKalb was the same as his issue with Jeezer which is that DeKalb and now Jeezer want to take away the life Mo has vested interest and much money in.

Jeezer is the more complex creature even to the point of incredible. It isn't clear how Jeezer got to Dunwoody, given there were no real secrets about the "Dunwoody sense of place" but we'll go out on a limb and suggest that Jeezer has close family members held hostage who will be killed should he leave the Wold. We're romantics like that.

Now Jeezer is promoting himself as the next new thing, heavy emphasis on "new" as Jeezer is an evangelist for the inevitability of change. Jeezer has clearly never been to Darien CT where the good folk living there have kept the clock rolled back to the mid 1950's. That fine existence proof notwithstanding Jeezer is hell bent on change, his change and not just for himself but for Mo and everyone watching from the stands.

But Jeezer is facing Mo's rope-a-dope and wearing himself out. Even in these early rounds many of his formerly ardent supporters are losing hope and more importantly faith in his mission and his tactics. They are asking of themselves the same question others are asking of Jeezer: if the hostage story isn't true, why fight--isn't flight the most efficacious option?

And many are seriously considering that option. Upon finding that Dunwoody isn't their nirvana, not the Hell's Cherubs Home of Cycling, not the tree-hugger's paradise, not the neo-urban funk capital and certainly not a haven for folk-artsy folk who take their Hippocratic Oath of Ecology VERY seriously they are voting with their feet.  And what's to stop them? Dunwoody fared better than most in the recent real estate crunch and as it turns out there are many places nearby in the Metro area that actually ARE what Jeezer wants to force Dunwoody to become. So a brief analysis of "time left on the planet" vs "fight for something I can migrate to" is leading many to the path of migration. Maybe Dunwoody is Smart after all.

Most of the people who retire in Florida
Are wrinkled and they lean on a crutch
And mobile homes are smotherin' my Keys
I hate those bastards so much
I wish a summer squall would blow them all
The way up to fantasy land
Yeah they're ugly and square, they don't belong here
They looked a lot better as beer cans

Yeah, and that's why it's still a mystery to me
Why some people live like they do
So many nice things happening out there
They never even seen the clues
Whoa but we're doin' fine, we can travel and rhyme
I know we been doin' our part
Got a Caribbean soul I can barely control
And some Texas hidden here in my heart

Mecca Of Meccas

In the Southeast Atlanta has at one time or another been characterized as a "Mecca" for some self-identifying group. A black mecca all the way from folks fleeing repression in the South on into the Civil Rights movement (though largely around Atlanta, for well documented reasons) thru freaknik and now into Hippity Hop Central. Then there is the gay and lesbian community, originally holed up around Piedmont park but time and tolerance offered geographic dispersion and a general attitude of "OK, you're gay."

But since the ill-conceived invention of freon and the equally ill-conceived expansion of the airport, Atlanta has been a mecca for business. No unions, low taxes, cheap houses (not just inexpensive, but cheap) and access to the finest sports, entertainment and medical care by way of our airport made Atlanta a no-brainer for snow-bound Yankee businesses, their executives and managers. And we got a lot of the no-brainers.

It's not just that these were people willing to uproot themselves, abandon family and community, so that they might carve out a new life just north of the gnat line, but that they did it for money. Resonates in daVille. Dunwoody would not be what it is today were it not for the confluence of white flight and the influx of Yankee migrants and a bit of the former and much of the latter persists to this day. This not only explains the braggadocio of "More Dunwoody Than You"* but also Dunwoody's enduring success at self-segregation.

It also explains one of our biggest problems: lack of identity. When most movers and shakers come from somewhere else and the weight of their opinion (and intellect) can be summed up in "I've lived in Dunwoody for 23 years and I say we..." no one should be surprised that we are eat up with folks who want daVille to be just like [NYC, Chicago, Seattle, Denver, ...] except for [the cold, the snow, the wind, the high prices, ...]. Rather than pretend Dunwoody is (or should be) just like where ever you're from except warmer we should accept that Dunwoody is a Mecca for Whites with convenient access to Hartsfield so you can go visit where ever you're from. Our real brand isn't Smart people -- Smart city, but more like "White Flight Stops Here!" Own it.

* "Dunwoody resident since 1992" is even a tag-line on the City's home page. And yes, the couple pictured are white. Cruise the Dunwoody web site and check out all the pictures and play the Aryan from Darien version of "Where's Waldo" where you look for black people. 

Taxing the Lexus Lanes

The State of Georgia, convinced by funds provided by the Obama Administration, has determined that sections of I-85 should be used to close America's "Great Social Divide" separating the haves from the have-nots. They have done this a clever manner. They have taken a portion of the road, largely paid for by the have-nots and as an interim step (see "boiling a frog") used even more have-not money to convert these into "HOV" lanes and then, again with more money from the have-nots, completed the transformation into Lexus Lanes: high speed, low traffic lanes limited to those elites who can afford to pay a toll.

Lest you, the great unwashed, see this as unfair consider this:

1. the tolls paid by the elites will pay to maintain these lanes, this is the last time you have to fork over money for the elites--now that they have what they want
2. the tolls also fund a brand new government bureacracy--the Georgia State Road and Tollway Authority, headed Gena Evans, well-loved in the administration, at least by other bureacrats
3. you get to see how the other, significantly less than half, lives--really, it is all about you, and helping you understand the world around you

To ensure that the elites do not feel any sense of ill will directed towards them personally it is important that you convey your heartfelt appreciation of their position by waving. Now it is important that all proper protocols be observed and take care not to be too familiar while showing the proper respect. It is advised that the wave be brief, and lest you overstep your station, take care not to wave with all fingers as that would be a sign of too great a familiarity, as if waving to a friend or a relative. It is best to be frugal in these matters and share a wave with just a finger, but avoid being miserly and ensure that, though limited to a single digit, you share the longest one. It is also important not to wave constantly as this is a safety hazard even in stop and stop traffic, but to wave frequently, in short bursts.

And to ensure the maintenance of egalitarian social justice it is important that the have-nots step up to the plate and for all the "give" get a little "take".

The first step, after the obligatory hand jive, is to recognize a simple truth: the elites have paid for the privilege of entering the Lexus Lane, but they've not paid to exit. Any exit from the elitist left lane requires that all five lanes to the right clear a path so they can make their way to their destination unimpeded by the "little people". (Any political commentary this might suggest is totally unintentional on the part of The Other Dunwoody, and one might suppose, the elitists in the Obama Administration.)

While this is clearly the way it must be, there are a couple of simple observations. First, the elitist needing to exit need not do so in front of you, as they can do equally well by exiting behind you. Then, if your fellow members of the great unwashed agree, and act accordingly, a great equalization will spontaneously occur. Five lanes will not stop for passage of the elite, six will, as the exiting elite must surely match speeds with the traffic to the right and search for the weak and unwary amongst the have-nots.

If this leaves you unsatisfied, there is a more expensive approach to social equalization. This requires two ingredients: a Peach Pass and a firm conviction that it is inherently unsafe to drive more than five mph faster than surrounding traffic. This will require that you use the Peach Pass, that you pay the same toll as the elitists and that you stand by your convictions, your commitment to your safety and the safety of others.

But there is a way to mitigate this cost--enlist the aid of two other compatriots and you will satisfy Obama's social enginerring criteria and qualify for a "free ride". Bear in mind, in order to redeem your golden ticket you still need a Peach Pass and you must, just prior to the trip, notify Big Brother that you will be carrying adequate baggage. And should your compatriots become unavailable at the last moment, well, honestly now, how can that be your fault?

But always, as a humble member of the great unwashed, salt of the earth that you are, do not forget to wave to those far better than you. And if you find yourself in the company of the Governor, please, let him know there are no hard feelings by giving a most enthusiastic wave. And should the occasion arise that you have a similar opportunity to greet Gena Evans then by all means, share the love, but be sure to wave with both hands.

Dunwoody Lands Freaknik

In a competition between several southern cities, Dunwoody has been chosen to host this year's "Freaknik" celebration. Speaking with two folks at the Convention and Visitors Bureau of Dunwoody, Sally Feurth and Mark Addol, emotions were running high and there was electricity in the air.

"This is quite a coup--we were up against some impressive offerings", remarked Sally. "We had stiff competition from Hanging Tree, Mississippi, Strange Fruit, Alabama and had it not been for the Governor's recent troubles I'm sure we would have some formidable opponents from South Carolina, with that flag and all."

"That's right, Sally", added Mark in a rather condescending tone, "but hands down, the legacy favorite had to have been Lynchburg, Virginia. They've got it all. The name. The heritage. And, as good as Dunwoody may be, they've got Williamsburg refined to an art--after all they are IN Virginia."

"But we knocked them off their throne, didn't we? And I think if you do your research you will find that in some quarters Dunwoody carries every bit as much cachet as Lynchburg."

Apparently Sally took the marketing initiative and would have nothing to do with sitting quietly in the shadows. At this point, she couldn't be stopped.

"See, we have not only a long, distinguished history to fall back on but we have very recent accomplishments--feather's in our cap--not the least of which is our recent victories in our campaigns against DeKalb. We also quite proud of  our heritage preservation efforts. We have farms and while these are not quite plantations, they really capture the essence of the plantation, don't you think? Really, we do get the same effect. And, if I'm not bragging too much, we have more than our fair share of ``woodsheds'', which I'm sure favorably impressed the selection committee." 

Quite an accomplishment indeed. But what about events? What about city-wide preparations for this monumental event? Sure, Dunwoody has the roads, complete with the stop-not-go traffic a mainstay of the unofficial parade at the very heart of every successful Freaknik, but Freaknik is much more than a cruise-in.  Much, much more.

Understanding the magnitude of this event, the City Council has taken up some key initiatives.

The first, and most innovative, is City-supplied "free" vouchers for tanning salons. This will encourage the largely melanin-challenged population of Dunwoody to proactively "darken-up" to become more welcoming (and one hopes, less frightening) to our guests as we roll out the red carpet. What makes these vouchers "free", particularly to the City, is the addition of a small "fee" to every resident's power bill thereby ensuring that tanning services are available to all. Hopefully this includes those who might not otherwise tan. On a related note, local hair salons are slammed with requests for perms so make your appointment now.

They have also formed a Toady Citizen's Committee to plan and coordinate the various events and related activities.

First on this Committee's list is a parade, for after all what is Freaknik but a large, multi-day parade? The Committee plans to kick off the festivities with an official parade which means City Officials get to ride around in really nice cars. They have reached out to Queen Latifa, their first choice, to be Grand Marshal, but she declined, saying "Freaknik in Dunwoody? Are you EFFin' crazy?" The Committee's second choice, Cynthia McKinney, has gladly accepted remarking that "what I miss most being in Cali are the Dunwoody parades. I'm thrilled, absolutely thrilled." In addition, Vernon Jones is expected to be a keynote speaker at several events and head judge of the Rick James contest.

To say that Hiz Honor is jiggy with it when it comes to Freaknik is quite the understatement. Rumor has it that he not only intends to enter, but win the Rick James contest. Visitors to City Hall have reportedly heard strains of "Super Freak" and shouts of "I'm Rick James, Beeeich" coming from the men's room. He, or someone strikingly similar, has also been seen about town taking advantage of the City's Tanning Program.

Miz Honor  seems less enthusiastic about Hiz participation, perhaps fearing that some might suspect he has been practicing at home. And she is right to be concerned after that recent fuss with the ZBA, which was presented as an issue solely for Miz, not Hiz, leading some to conclude they maintained separate domiciles. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ever the loyal supporter, Miz Honor has reportedly said "I don't think he has a good chance to win, I think he's all but guaranteed the Blue Ribbon."

We shall see, for unlike his earlier anointing, there are rumors of formidable competition. Sources close to Fran Millar aren't prepared to make a public announcement but neither will they deny he is considering entering the fray. Dan Weber's closest associates on the other hand have made it clear that the Senator has no intention of entering the Rick James Contest or any similar event. At this time. But the likely front-runner is Dunwoody's long-time favorite,  Jill Chambers. She already has the voice down pat.

And what would any Dunwoody event be without church involvement--without fully engaging our tax-exempt mega-churches? Nothing, that's what. And true to form, the United Baptist Bank of Dunwoody is riding the Soul Train to Freaknik.

Dr. Richard Head, Music Minister, sees this as "a great opportunity to pump up the music offerings for our congregation", while Delburt "Del" Doe, Social Activities Director, is planning a Grand Marshal "Roast and Revival" for opening night and these two are working very closely together to make this event a success.

Dr. Head seemed quite excited about a casual music event bridging traditional and contemporary genres. "We'll have an open mike night for Negro Spirituals..."

"...can you say that?", a slightly embarrassed Doe quizzicalled.

"you mean Negro?..."

"...yes...can you really say Negro?"

"well, I did, and we are OTP..."

"...then I guess you can."

"as I was saying", Dr. Head continued in a slightly, well, pissy tone, "we're hosting open mike and in respect for our visitors and contestants we're asking all congregants to don unadorned albs and since this event is under a tent, head covers are inappropriate. Nonetheless it should be quite the sight from the stage."

While Dr. Head took a much needed breath, Mr. Doe, all a-buzz, continued "And what a site it will be. We'll will have a huge tent with a large white cross adorned with red neon lighting directly behind the elevated altar..."

"What a Friend We Have In Jesus" 

"and a water feature reminiscent of the River Jordan..."

"Down in the River to Pray"

At this point, the conversation became uncomfortably like a lover's spat, but let it be known by all that UBBoD will be putting on quite a show.

Of course, safety throughout Dunwoody is a top consideration, no less so to those in our police department than anyone else. While no one with the police would speak on the record, a unnamed passerby was more than eager to speak on their behalf.

"The Dunwoody PD will be in charge of ticket sales with their main service center on the south side where the majority of attendees are expected to arrive."

Oh, are they supporting pre-sales, perhaps through Ticket Master?

"Well, it isn't exactly that kind of ticket, and the final cost is yet to be established. However the Dunwoody PD will be offering complementary ``DWB'' citations, but framing is extra."

Nice touch that. Framing. Who would have imagined?

"And while it should go without saying, we will keep with tradition, and shut down all official activities by sundown."

At this point this mysterious passerby got into a large black sedan with government plates and sped away.

But this event does not come without dissent. The Itty Bitty Titty Committee is not at all happy with the tanning plan. Barbara Beacoup, Committee Chair, contends that "extensive tanning blurs the line between skin and areola, making the existing ordinance virtually unenforceable."  She believes it is "bad enough that people are doing this on their own, but it is unconscionable for the City to pay for this." Vera Vadeveist, a Committee co-founder takes serious issue with some attendees. "Many of the young ladies we expect to attend Freaknik are not only, what is their term, bootylicious, but are equally well equipped on top. This is simply not consistent with what our members want to see in Dunwoody."

The Lemonade Days Committee voiced some initial concern that Freaknik would be scheduled too close to their own event. Freaknik organizers offered a convincing argument  the Freaknik crowd generally did not like citrus and probably would not return for Lemonade Days even if it were conveniently scheduled, greatly allaying the Committee's fears.

As expected there was also some complaints from the losing cities who suggested that the competition might not have been totally on the up and up. A quick call to the City Attorney's Office degenerated into an hour of IVR hell resulting in a canned statement: "The City of Dunwoody cannot comment on any pending or current litigation, complaints or negative comments except to say that any negative assertions leveled at this City are patently absurd. All of them, bar none are unactionable." So there you have it. If you were looking to patent absurdity, Dunwoody beat you to it.

It is hard to say just how well Freaknik In Dunwoody, The 2010 Edition, will play out but it is almost certain to be unlike any other event since the referendum.