Trains, Teams And Automobiles

[...]
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
[...]

It is silly season and folks blessed with an eye, half a brain and the sense god gave a pigeon to sit on a statue are being twirled around by traffic related nonsense like a lawn chair in a tornado.

The first bucket of nonsense comes from the Clowns To The Left Of Us and is all about trains. Or lack thereof. In particular is the concern from the ITP-er's who pontificate that while god is good them there trains is great. They're attempting to leverage the Braves move to Snob County to push for a train from Arts Center to 75/285. Not just any train--a MARTA train. Their rather twisted logic seems to be "if you get the Braves then you must become MARTA-fied." Something is going to break when we straighten out that little pretzel of logic.

See these same train-vangelists had not a care in the world that there was no train service to Turner Field. No more than they cared that Turner Field was located in a crime-ridden armpit of the City. But now that the nasty ole ballpark is moving they are all excited about another live/work/play ground just like Atlantic Station. And if you've been paying attention to the crime around Atlantic Station you can be pretty sure they have everything they need to pull it off.

The other tidbit otherwise known as fact is just where the folks buying Braves tickets live, work and consequently will be coming from. What they prefer to ignore and wish you would as well is the inconvenient truth that based on ticket sales these have never been the Atlanta Braves they've always been the suburb's Braves. So a MARTA train to the new stadium would just be a train from nowhere unused by the Cracker Jackin' crowd. What it would do is maintain job access for current stadium workers as all things ITP are about jobs programs for protected connected minorities.

They also ignore the fact that the Braves want a major upgrade in employees as well as environment. And Braves fan base are dropping a pretty penny taking the family to see the game and they just might make a day of it. When you're going to drop a couple hundred on the game why not take the day off and have a mini staycation? Because that's not what MARTA's for?

But we're also sandwiched between the Jokers On The Right who control state government and have been quite pissy of late because the electorate held them to their word forcing them to end the 400 toll and quit raiding the funds for their pet projects.

We've heard these Chicken Littles lament the loss of jobs though in fact all they really care about is the loss of money they can spend. Politicians and bureaucrats. Predictable. Pathetic.

They've co-opted the media who have given free ink to all things disastrous on the newly liberated section of road. We're told there will suddenly be twenty to thirty percent more cars on that slice of paved paradise than a mere week ago--as if by magic.

And magic it is.

We're not told where these cars come from. Do they think that Bubba and Essie up in Alpharetta will start thinking they should be partying in Butthead because it doesn't even cost that gosh darned dollar to get there anymore? Really Bert? REALLY?

No. In fact these cars are going to come from surface streets and "alternative routes". You know the ones racing thru your neighborhood.

And even if there are twenty or thirty percent more vehicles then guess what? We can handle it. Want to know why? Because we don't have to stop at the damn toll booth that's why.

At the end of the day the Braves get new digs in much upgraded surroundings. The fans get something to do before and after the game other than scurry around in fear of their lives. MARTA gets a chance to get their act together swallowing what they've already bitten off before they try to choke down any more. Folks on 400 get a better cheaper commute having paid in full and then some for the road that gets them there. And taxpayers get a few more employees off the public payroll no matter how indirect that currently is.

Everyone wins except those who have been stealing from our wallets and those a bit overinfatuated with all things ITP.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Tribute to Barney Fife

We have one Smart PD right here in our Smart City. Smart looking that is.

Why just this Sunday morning a fine looking Toll Troll was established on I-285. Two officers, one car. What an excellent use of manpower.

But it isn't all about manpower. You can have your Aryans from Darien styling in their black and whites, and that is fine. But to kick it up a notch, you need some classy gear.

Nifty bit of kit, eh?

Too bad competence isn't as glam. Turns out Smart City PD has been channeling Barney. Not the purple one, the Deputy one.

To say that our Smart City PD dropped the ball with the Dunwoody Daycare Murder would be an insult to every fumble-fingered klutz on the planet. Just a few authorities on the matter:

[Investigative reporter Jodi] Fleischer asked Dunwoody Police Chief Billy Grogan, "You never actually thought 'maybe she helped do this?"

"Not seriously, no," replied Grogan.

and:

"By the time the police got to where they needed to be and made the arrest, a lot of evidence was lost," said Don Geary, DeKalb County chief assistant district attorney.

it gets better:

"If Andrea Sneiderman, who's sitting on a pile of millions of dollars, ends up walking away from this, she definitely has the Dunwoody police department to thank for it," said Jay Abt, the attorney representing one of Andrea Sneiderman's best friends.

after a while it is just painful:

Retired GBI agent Ralph Stone said Andrea Sneiderman should have been suspect number one.

"Oh man, you always start, always, always start with those that are closest to the victim," said Stone, who has worked hundreds of murder cases.

While Barney can field quite the Toll Trolls on 285 and is styling in the best ATV in Dunwoody he also insists he needs about a million dollars over the next three years just to keep up. Not real clear on exactly what he thinks he's keeping up with.

If there is any sanity at City Hall, then please...please tell us this guy doesn't carry a loaded gun.

Set My MARTA Free!

Here is a radical idea that has been floating around section 8 housing for a quite a few years now:

make MARTA train and bus services totally free to anyone. 

Turns out the idea has some merit if tackled properly.

Given we're about to engage in a TSPLOST Train Wreck that primarily serves a few already rich developers perhaps establishing a comprehensive region wide "No Fare" public transportation system may not be so silly after all. Is it really any sillier than the "Train to Lovejoy", a revival of the archaic concept of streetcars or the Atlanta beltline project?

This warrants some serious consideration.

Suppose travelers to Atlanta could get off a plane, pick up their bags and hop right on the train without buying a breeze card, without the "how do you swipe this card" delay, and without negotiating baggage through those goofy swinging gates. That would set Atlanta ahead and above all major passenger hubs in the world in both convenience and service.

To make this work several important things must happen.

The State must step up to the plate with a funding mechanism that leverages regional assets to build out a world class system. After all, this is the same region that is being lobbied to mindlessly vote for the TSPLOST for a patchwork of studies that will lead nowhere but to more taxes. Grow up--get real. It's time for the legislature to put some "big boy" pants on and state for the record that Atlanta regional transportation is important to the entire state. Just like the port at Savannah or an auto plant in west Georgia.

MARTA must go away. And GRTA. And the Cobb and the Gwinnett and the Clayton bus systems.

Expanding MARTA's role will not work as MARTA suffers from a well-deserved, region-wide negative brand image. When authorizing MARTA, the state wisely restricted the budget to a fifty-fifty split between operations and capital expenditures, suspecting that MARTA would become pretty much what it is today. Since then MARTA has played fast and loose with the rules (e.g., selling capital equipment and leasing it back) to divert funds to operations justifying the original wariness of the State.

It is also viewed, again with reasonable justification, as a jobs program for a particular demographic and we are not likely to see a top MARTA official that does not meet that profile.

This has had an expected and very tangible impact on service. While MARTA may attract the best available from an artificially small selection, they do not seek the best overall talent. This has created a sense of entitlement amongst the employees who, knowing they will not be fired, see no reason to make on-time service Job One. Or Job NONE for that matter. It has become so bad that it is no longer unusual for the first train leaving the North Springs station to leave late! And MARTA is not alone--over the years we have witnessed the (mis)management of the Atlanta Airport which operates under the same model. We won't even start with the school systems.

We must have a single, region wide agency responsible for all transportation in the area. There must be a single throat to choke, a single agency to manage, a single agency to be held accountable. And "all transportation"  includes the 800 lb gorilla, the Atlanta Airport, as well as other, often overlooked airports like PDK (which is the second busiest in the state). This agency must also be responsible for all surface transportation in the region. If there are to be tolls, if the existing tolls are to continue, it would be the responsibility of this agency to establish and maintain these systems. If "the gulch" is to ever be used as a multi-modal transportation hub, this agency will make it happen. If "Rubber Rail" with dedicated lanes comes to the area, it will be directly because of the efforts of this agency. 

Finally, this agency must represent and respect the needs of the entire region, not just one area and not just a select few. The balkanization that characterizes and paralyzes the Atlanta metro area must be torn down. Transparency and fiduciary responsibility must be foundational. Service must be paramount. There is no reason to believe that our transportation systems cannot be run as efficiently as those in Japan or Europe. There is no reason to accept less.

Not So HOT, eh?

It appears that SRTA cannot wear down the resistance. What had been seen as a small, fragmented group of malcontents has coalesced into an uber organization, Stolen Lanes. This umbrella group claims to represent nearly ten thousand commuters who are hot. Under the collar, not in the lanes.

And perhaps they vote?

But Stolen Lanes are up against formidable opponents including a powerful state bureaucracy, well-connected private interests and the support of the Fourth Estate, notably Cox Enterprises, who thru channel 2 and the AJC have relentlessly promoted the HOT lanes. The media full court press includes daily usage counts reminiscent of the Vietnam War body counts, both in frequency and inaccuracy, as they intentionally fail to acknowledge traffic levels supported during the HOV era, or note how many carpools have been expelled from those lanes. And the smarmy financing and misuse of tax dollars is something the government is reluctant to disclose and proponents unwilling to discuss.

Clearly this new organization is fighting an uphill battle, but it is a noble cause. Give them a read. It may be your cause too.

Taxing the Lexus Lanes

The State of Georgia, convinced by funds provided by the Obama Administration, has determined that sections of I-85 should be used to close America's "Great Social Divide" separating the haves from the have-nots. They have done this a clever manner. They have taken a portion of the road, largely paid for by the have-nots and as an interim step (see "boiling a frog") used even more have-not money to convert these into "HOV" lanes and then, again with more money from the have-nots, completed the transformation into Lexus Lanes: high speed, low traffic lanes limited to those elites who can afford to pay a toll.

Lest you, the great unwashed, see this as unfair consider this:

1. the tolls paid by the elites will pay to maintain these lanes, this is the last time you have to fork over money for the elites--now that they have what they want
2. the tolls also fund a brand new government bureacracy--the Georgia State Road and Tollway Authority, headed Gena Evans, well-loved in the administration, at least by other bureacrats
3. you get to see how the other, significantly less than half, lives--really, it is all about you, and helping you understand the world around you

To ensure that the elites do not feel any sense of ill will directed towards them personally it is important that you convey your heartfelt appreciation of their position by waving. Now it is important that all proper protocols be observed and take care not to be too familiar while showing the proper respect. It is advised that the wave be brief, and lest you overstep your station, take care not to wave with all fingers as that would be a sign of too great a familiarity, as if waving to a friend or a relative. It is best to be frugal in these matters and share a wave with just a finger, but avoid being miserly and ensure that, though limited to a single digit, you share the longest one. It is also important not to wave constantly as this is a safety hazard even in stop and stop traffic, but to wave frequently, in short bursts.

And to ensure the maintenance of egalitarian social justice it is important that the have-nots step up to the plate and for all the "give" get a little "take".

The first step, after the obligatory hand jive, is to recognize a simple truth: the elites have paid for the privilege of entering the Lexus Lane, but they've not paid to exit. Any exit from the elitist left lane requires that all five lanes to the right clear a path so they can make their way to their destination unimpeded by the "little people". (Any political commentary this might suggest is totally unintentional on the part of The Other Dunwoody, and one might suppose, the elitists in the Obama Administration.)

While this is clearly the way it must be, there are a couple of simple observations. First, the elitist needing to exit need not do so in front of you, as they can do equally well by exiting behind you. Then, if your fellow members of the great unwashed agree, and act accordingly, a great equalization will spontaneously occur. Five lanes will not stop for passage of the elite, six will, as the exiting elite must surely match speeds with the traffic to the right and search for the weak and unwary amongst the have-nots.

If this leaves you unsatisfied, there is a more expensive approach to social equalization. This requires two ingredients: a Peach Pass and a firm conviction that it is inherently unsafe to drive more than five mph faster than surrounding traffic. This will require that you use the Peach Pass, that you pay the same toll as the elitists and that you stand by your convictions, your commitment to your safety and the safety of others.

But there is a way to mitigate this cost--enlist the aid of two other compatriots and you will satisfy Obama's social enginerring criteria and qualify for a "free ride". Bear in mind, in order to redeem your golden ticket you still need a Peach Pass and you must, just prior to the trip, notify Big Brother that you will be carrying adequate baggage. And should your compatriots become unavailable at the last moment, well, honestly now, how can that be your fault?

But always, as a humble member of the great unwashed, salt of the earth that you are, do not forget to wave to those far better than you. And if you find yourself in the company of the Governor, please, let him know there are no hard feelings by giving a most enthusiastic wave. And should the occasion arise that you have a similar opportunity to greet Gena Evans then by all means, share the love, but be sure to wave with both hands.