Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Who Would Dare...

...Do Such a Thing?

As you may know, the Board of Directors deciding where to locate the Georgia Music Hall of Fame delayed the decision to allow the remaining contestants the opportunity to "sweeten the pot". The new deadline is imminent.

Now suppose you were to hear that one contestant, in identifying itself as the winner, has explicitly named another to be a loser. In fact, this self-appointed winner offers to double-down on this loser. How? Glad you asked.

The party of the first part, the alleged winner, intends to have the party of the second part, the aforementioned loser, do all the heavy lifting associated with restoring and maintaining all the artifacts comprising the GMHF assets, whilst they, the party of the first part, will take all the power, glory and money that comes with being the controlling and public facing entity. To really salt up the wound, the party of the first part never even discussed this matter with the party of the second part. Rather, they went directly to the GMHF committee, and the public, with the plan.

So, the question still stands: "who would dare do such a thing?" Well, if you guessed "Dunwoody", you would be correct. Or, if this quiz show runs like Jeopardy!, your response in the form of a question might be "who the hell do these arrogant SOBs in Dunwoody think they are?"

Hopefully this is just the question the GMHF Board is currently pondering. If the unadulterated arrogance of Dunwoody Music Conservancy Retail Organization is not adequately repulsive to the Board, then heaven help the GMHF.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Dunwoody Lands Shuttle

Upon hearing that NASA was decommissioning the Shuttle Discovery and offering it as a museum piece, the Dunwoody Power Brokers launched into action forming yet another "worthy cause nonprofit" to ensure that Dunwoody is properly recognized for all its contributions to the space program by bringing the shuttle home to Dunwoody.

The head courtier en alimentation was not quoted in any of the local rags as saying
"This is a great opportunity for our community. Adding the shuttle to the Music Hall of Fame, the Farmhouse, the Donaldson Farm, the Brook Run Theatre, and a plethora of apartments, will establish, beyond any doubt, that Dunwoody is the world's most opportunistic collector of things no one else wants. And it's free."
When not questioned regarding the approximately $29,000,000.00 shipping and handling charges, the bróicéir cumhachta did not respond with
"We've got that covered. We've contacted a Chinese firm that will strip the tiles and encase them in glass as commemorative trophies. These will retail for around $100.00, plus S&H, and will include engraved signatures of the mayor and city council. For about $20.00 more you can have a custom message of two lines, no more than eight words inscribed as well. We expect to sell approximately 100,000 in the first year which will put quite a dent in those charges."
 This of course warranted a challenge from the nonexistent interviewer
"Aren't there less than 34,000 tiles on a shuttle? Each with an individual serial number?"
Resulting in the altogether unsurprising nonanswer of
"So what's your point? Look, the Chinese are clever and we trust they'll do the right thing and get us as many units as we can sell. Plus, once the tiles are off we have corporate sponsors waiting in the wings to buy ad space on the outside of the shuttle. When we get this thing up in the air in the Perimeter Mall parking lot, it is going to be some hot ad real estate. We expect that will cover the remainder of the startup costs in the first year alone. After that it is pure profit."
"What? You're going to turn one of the last remaining space shuttles into a NASCAR trophy? You're going to stick it up on a pole? What about folks getting a view from the cockpit. And what's this about profit, isn't this a non-profit organization?"
"Look. Don't get testy, OK? A non-profit clears its books at the end of the fiscal year and if that means bonuses must be paid, well that's what happens. And, by the way, many of our corporate citizens are damn proud of America's space program and are happy to be associated with it as a show of public support and good will. Offering a little recognition on the side of rocket isn't asking too much. As for the cockpit, we're taking that out. It goes in the mall where patrons can see what it was like to be in the shuttle itself. And we're planning member's nights where Gold and Platinum Members are allowed to suit up and sit at the controls. But it will be a cash bar."
 "Sounds like a 1980's mall game arcade. What makes you think NASA would ever back this plan?"
Without missing a beat, the  corredor de poder did not continue with
"We've assembled quite an impressive array of résumés. Dunwoody has an unbelievable community of folks related to outer space. We've got folks who once lived in California, where there are lots of space activities. We have a member of the board who was born in Houston. You know, "Mission Control"? Houston we have a problem? We even have one board member who intends to retire in Florida very near the Kennedy Space Flight Center. So we have the chops to become the Huntsville of the South. We think NASA will recognize this and quite frankly realize there is no better place than Dunwoody for that shuttle."
So there you have it dear readers. Dunwoody is well on its way to adding yet another charm to its bracelet.