It all came from the Old Sanctified Churches. I can remember—way back in the old days in New Orleans, La—my home town. And I was a little boy around ten years old. My mother used to take me to Church with her, and the Reverend (Preacher that is) used to lead off one of those good ol good hymns. And before you realized it—the whole congregation would be wailing—singing like mad and sound so beautiful. I being a little boy that would "Dig" everything and everybody, I'd have myself a ball in Church, especially when those Sisters would get so carried away while "Rev" (the preacher) would be right in the middle of his sermon. Man those Church Sisters would begin shouting so—until their petticoats would fall off. Of course one of the Deacons would rush over and grab her—hold her in his arms and fan her until she'd come to.
SatchmoThere's a special kind of faith running through the Atlanta region. It's called "The Faith" and you need to be gettin you some and you better be keeping it. But lord knows, it ain't easy. See, you must have The Faith to keep The Faith and you must get The Faith to have The Faith. And whilst that may sound simple, just where will you go to get The Faith? Happily--nay, joyously--it is being passed out by none other than the Most Righteous Reverend T. S. Plost of the Wholly Sanctified Church of the Congestion Congregation, Atlanta Regional Bishopric.
And The Faith will change your life. In a good way. Just ask the Righteous Reverend--he'll tell you. Or better yet drop in on any service, hear the man speak and let the spirit move you, because that is the only one and true way to get The Faith. You got to get it in you and to get it in you you better be gettin on down to The Church and hearin for yourself. Listen to how the power of The Faith will restore your family and cure your ill health. How, when The Faith is strong in you the pains you have long endured will be washed from your daily travail like red clay from white carpet. How your visions of streets of gold will be fulfilled and how these heavenly streets will transport you to a better place--a better life. Your every need, your every want will be fulfilled and you will see a heaven you can only enter, an everlasting life you can only enjoy, when The Faith is in you.
As you're listening and learning of the healing power of The Faith pay close attention for when that Most Righteous Reverend whispers from the pulpit that you must "render unto Caesar those things which are Caesar's" you should respond with no more than a whispered "amen". But when he raises his voice to heaven declaring that you must "render unto the Church, THIS Church, those things that are God's"--and God knows he means your money--you should raise your voice in prayerful acknowledgement of His Righteousness. And no mere "amen brother" will suffice as the choir in nodding approval will be singing the amen chorus. The Congregational response can be no less that shouts of "Hallelujah!" But be not tempted to speak in Tongues as that is reserved for the call to the altar though standing is allowed as it facilitates removal of wallets for the plate that is about to pass.
And you should know that in the Church of Congestion, as in any other church, The Faith cannot be bought. It can only be rented. Therefore in keeping The Faith you must ensure that each time you attend, you attend with cash. In increasing amounts. For whilst The Faith, often substituting for knowledge and wisdom, is competitively priced it is subject to inflation and unannounced price increases. And be not dismayed if your offering ranks among the least for unlike Reverend Ike who once said "Change makes your minister nervous in the service" our Most Righteous Reverend T. S. Plost welcomes with equal enthusiasm the widow's pence, your pocket change as well as foldin money. His Deacons are more than happy to roll all those coins into the billions of dollars needed to start his ministry.
And never forget the first article of The Faith: your mission is to keep The Faith. Let the dear Reverend take care of your money.