TANSTAAFL: Bring Your Own Lunch

Think of the money to be saved in our schools by eliminating kitchens and cafeteria staff and replacing them with a lunch prepared by a parent and schlepped to school by their little darlin's. And is it really too much to ask for a parent to schmeer some peanut butter and jam, slap two pieces of bread together and cut off the crusts? Really? Seriously, how can that be too much to ask? It seems very reasonable to ask that all parents recover at least that small bit of the responsibility acquired during procreation and abandoned at the schoolhouse door.

This one little act is both a demonstration of love and concern for their child's welfare and a small token of appreciation for the importance of school in children's life and future. It is perhaps the smallest act of involvement, yet what may seem small to some is in fact a gigantic leap for those who otherwise do nothing. And let's be hopelessly optimistic and adopt the theory that "gateway drugs" can work for good and this simple act can lead to greater involvement.

And what about those who cannot or will not rise to this minimal level of parental responsibility? We must do something that seems backwards when viewed through the narrow lense of "immediate cost reduction" and establish boarding schools for the parents of these children. Yes, this is more expensive in the short term, but taking a longer view this addresses the investment in ignorance these parents are hell bent on making, a bad investment with such negative returns that the cost of boarding a student will be dwarfed.

Of course, such an arrangement would not eliminate all parental rights--visitation would not only be allowed, but encouraged. While the agreement would be voluntary, it would also come with incentives. Once in the program, a secondary and completely optional offer would include a one-time, tax-free payment to the parent in the amount of one year's cost to support one child. In DeKalb County that could easily top $50,000. Why the largess? Because in addition to placing their children in the Boarding School program, the lump sum payment is contingent on a simple, safe "snip snip" operation that ensures these parents will place no more such burdens on society and the taxpayers that support it.