Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Taxing the Lexus Lanes

The State of Georgia, convinced by funds provided by the Obama Administration, has determined that sections of I-85 should be used to close America's "Great Social Divide" separating the haves from the have-nots. They have done this a clever manner. They have taken a portion of the road, largely paid for by the have-nots and as an interim step (see "boiling a frog") used even more have-not money to convert these into "HOV" lanes and then, again with more money from the have-nots, completed the transformation into Lexus Lanes: high speed, low traffic lanes limited to those elites who can afford to pay a toll.

Lest you, the great unwashed, see this as unfair consider this:
  1. the tolls paid by the elites will pay to maintain these lanes, this is the last time you have to fork over money for the elites--now that they have what they want
  2. the tolls also fund a brand new government bureacracy--the Georgia State Road and Tollway Authority, headed Gena Evans, well-loved in the administration, at least by other bureacrats
  3. you get to see how the other, significantly less than half, lives--really, it is all about you, and helping you understand the world around you
To ensure that the elites do not feel any sense of ill will directed towards them personally it is important that you convey your heartfelt appreciation of their position by waving. Now it is important that all proper protocols be observed and take care not to be too familiar while showing the proper respect. It is advised that the wave be brief, and lest you overstep your station, take care not to wave with all fingers as that would be a sign of too great a familiarity, as if waving to a friend or a relative. It is best to be frugal in these matters and share a wave with just a finger, but avoid being miserly and ensure that, though limited to a single digit, you share the longest one. It is also important not to wave constantly as this is a safety hazard even in stop and stop traffic, but to wave frequently, in short bursts.

And to ensure the maintenance of egalitarian social justice it is important that the have-nots step up to the plate and for all the "give" get a little "take".

The first step, after the obligatory hand jive, is to recognize a simple truth: the elites have paid for the privilege of entering the Lexus Lane, but they've not paid to exit. Any exit from the elitist left lane requires that all five lanes to the right clear a path so they can make their way to their destination unimpeded by the "little people". (Any political commentary this might suggest is totally unintentional on the part of The Other Dunwoody, and one might suppose, the elitists in the Obama Administration.)

While this is clearly the way it must be, there are a couple of simple observations. First, the elitist needing to exit need not do so in front of you, as they can do equally well by exiting behind you. Then, if your fellow members of the great unwashed agree, and act accordingly, a great equalization will spontaneously occur. Five lanes will not stop for passage of the elite, six will, as the exiting elite must surely match speeds with the traffic to the right and search for the weak and unwary amongst the have-nots.

If this leaves you unsatisfied, there is a more expensive approach to social equalization. This requires two ingredients: a Peach Pass and a firm conviction that it is inherently unsafe to drive more than five mph faster than surrounding traffic. This will require that you use the Peach Pass, that you pay the same toll as the elitists and that you stand by your convictions, your commitment to your safety and the safety of others.

But there is a way to mitigate this cost--enlist the aid of two other compatriots and you will satisfy Obama's social enginerring criteria and qualify for a "free ride". Bear in mind, in order to redeem your golden ticket you still need a Peach Pass and you must, just prior to the trip, notify Big Brother that you will be carrying adequate baggage. And should your compatriots become unavailable at the last moment, well, honestly now, how can that be your fault?

But always, as a humble member of the great unwashed, salt of the earth that you are, do not forget to wave to those far better than you. And if you find yourself in the company of the Governor, please, let him know there are no hard feelings by giving a most enthusiastic wave. And should the occasion arise that you have a similar opportunity to greet Gena Evans then by all means, share the love, but be sure to wave with both hands.