Dunwoody To Outlaw Boobs

At a recent meeting of Dunwoody's Itty Bitty Titty Committy (yes, they spell it that way) plans are underway to celebrate the criminalization of Boobs in Dunwoody. With the help of the IBTC, Dunwoody has crafted two ordinances to ensure that baring breasts in Dunwoody be virtually banned.

Committe chair, Barbara Beacoup, thanked the many participants who contributed to the success of the effort saying "and you should all be proud that our efforts will put an end to this before it gets off the ground." She also added "while we all acknowledge these bare breasted women would earn significantly more than they might otherwise, it must be said that most of the boobs are fake thus making it just another form of fraud. It's a shame we had to use liquor laws and dance around the first amendment, but we did and we got the job done."

Co-founder and treasurer, Vera Vadeveist, addressed the assembly by noting these efforts not only protect the community but more importantly preserve the integrity of the nuclear family. "Our men should not be tempted into blowing the family's money. They need to stay home and learn to appreciate what they have." "That's right", Barbara chimed in. "This isn't a case of getting what you pay for, it's about paying for what you already have."

The featured speaker, Sister Mary Bernard of the Order of the Blue Nuns and official IBTC Moral Advisor remarked that this was a most excellent start, but it is just the start. "While no one is advocating a return to a puritanical general dress code, as I am a nun after all", a comment which sent giggles throughout the audience, "but we as a community have become too lax. For example, the skimpy clothing worn by our daughters at the Dunwoody High School car wash fund raisers is an embarrassment to the community. Downright shameless." Sister Mary B challenged the membership to fight complacency, to move beyond mere areola coverage to a more modest climate where the prurient would not be exposed to even the hint of a bikini line.

This challenge was enthusiastically embraced by the membership with the chants of "Lily White! Outa Sight!". Questions of bikini line elimination by tanning salons and the potential for extended surface area exposure that might offer were addressed by formation of a special task force. This group will determine if these businesses can operate legally in Dunwoody and if they can, how best to change that.

Shortly after Sister Mary B concluded her remarks and other, minor business was addressed, the meeting, as all must, came to a close. But unlike other meetings, those of the IBTC end with entire group singing the official IBTC hymn: "In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, now heaven knows..."

Thank God, we in The Other Dunwoody have these fine folks looking out for us.

TOD

Specialized Sexual Activity

That's right dear reader, that's what we're talking about in Dunwoody: specialized sexual activity.

Don't believe it? Then check out the proposed Prude Laws soon to be passed by the Dunwoody City Council, page 5, last paragraph under Section 2: Definitions. This follows on the heels of the Council's (ab)use of Likker Laws to prevent raising a toast to any fine examples of human anatomy, as if there are that many. Furthermore, the fine gentlemen and lady comprising our city government are sipping the wine of God, a dry protestant varietal, in one of His many fine Dunwoody homes. Perhaps it should be illegal for the Mayor and Council drink from that cup while on the job.

Regardless of origin, true intent or even divine inspiration, we in The Other Dunwoody are still left with nagging questions.

What is specialized sexual activity and how do we get some? Do we need training? Are there classes? Certainly not at the DUMC, but maybe the Dunwoody Nature Center? Would these be adult only? Is alcohol involved? We all know candy is dandy, but isn't it true that likker is quicker? Or, is that already outlawed?

And just what are they, our ballyhoo-ed City Council, trying to outlaw with this ordinance? Is anyone with the Kama Sutra and the knowledge to use it as welcome in our fair city as a billboard? Perhaps only if they share their knowledge? Wouldn't want any learning going on in Dunwoody, now would we? Or, is specialized sexual activity a neo-con codeword for homosexual activity, which truth be told isn't as specialized as it once might have been?

Or perhaps, there is just no one involved in City government that reads this stuff before enactment. Could that really be? Are they so blinded by their self-proclaimed good intentions that they no longer see clearly? Are we, all of us in Dunwoody, just rolling down a steep hill in a bus whose driver is asleep at the wheel?

Folks, there comes a time when competence is a turn on. But it seems Dunwoody's leaders think this leads to specialized sexual activity, and by God, and in the shelter of the DUMC, they're going to outlaw that!

TOD

Billboard Tops Dunwoody

In a poignant display of oneupmanship Action Outdoor Advertising waited until the last day of DeKalb dominion over Dunwoody to erect a large and largely unwanted billboard just within the about-to-be city limits. Were they excited? You betcha! But no less than those of us in The Other Dunwoody.

There is the undeniable irony of it all. Were it not for last minute wrangling with a late vote change and the violation of home rule--a blatant show of disrespect for the DeKalb delegation, there would be no Dunwoody, no Mayor and no Council. Yet, the manner in which SB82 was pushed through the house was perfectly legal. And apparently all the paperwork was in order with our new billboard as well, and the company, prudently and legally, made sure it was in place before the city was. Just hours before, but before. And legally regardless.

Now City officials and many citizens have their shorts in a knot. See they don't like billboards. At least not in their back yard. And by golly, they're gonna do something about it. Call out the lawyers! Who cares if it is legal, we'll sue them anyway! Hypocrisy you say? How dare you! Can't you see that we are Dunwoody and Dunwoody is W^Hright. Always right and right in all ways. Get with the program folks.

Let's hope our nascent leaders come to their senses and see the irony if not the humor in this and move on to more important things than wasting our tax dollars on frivolous legal posturing. Maybe something like, oh, gosh, let's see, how about getting this city on its feet!

TOD

A Momentus Day

December 1st marks the end of the 2008 Hurricane Season. It offers a time to reflect on the pre-season predictions and assess the accuracy of the experts. As sometimes happens, the predictions didn't quite meet with reality.

But December 1st is also the first day in the existence of the City of Dunwoody. This also offers the opportunity to reflect on where we are and how we got here, the end of our first season of Dunwoody.

Given that Dunwoody doesn't even officially start until Monday December 1st this might seem difficult, but...Dunwoody's Mayor and City Council have been in operation since being sworn in and prior to that operated under the auspices of the Governor's office and prior to that these very same folks who comprise the fledging government of Dunwoody operated the wholly political and quasi-governmental Citizens for Dunwoody and Dunwoody Yes! organizations. And as Dr. Phil likes to say "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". This gives a significant body of work to evaluate.

To make the job more manageable, let's look at some key metrics: No Taxation without Representation, Service Value, Integrity, and Transparency.

Taxation: D. This covers not only the taxation of various businesses operating within Dunwoody which likely have little say in city operations, but also the imposition of the Franchise Fee Tax which negatively affects everyone who lives in and uses utilities in Dunwoody, but more importantly represents a tax levied by Dunwoody on Georgians who live outside Dunwoody. Remember the primal scream of cityhood? No Taxation Without Representation!

Service Value: C. This is one political hot potato. On the plus side: a city hall not in the city because it is cheaper; and dodging the CH2M bullet, but on the minus side: tacit acknowledgment that the CVI study was bogus; serious, allegedly surprising, startup cash flow problems; insufficient funds for promised police staffing; and no immediate prospects for park or road improvements.

Integrity: F. There is just no other way to say it: the citizens of Dunwoody have been lied to from the beginning. A now suspect Carl Vinson Study produced under the direction of cityhood proponents. Task Force reports withheld until after the referendum. The Citizens for Dunwoody and Dunwoody Yes! operating outside public view and review as was their legal right, but since they were influencing events affecting us all there was a moral imperative to operate openly. A moral imperative they diligently ignored.

Transparency: F. You probably cannot have integrity without transparency, at least in government, and when the first official meeting of the City Council results in the first official open records request, you get a pretty good idea how committed the Mayor and Council will be to their pledges of transparent and open government. One might accept them as technological novices but for the fact that someone associated with CfD and DY! demonstrated an amazing ability to put up (and tear down) websites and post Shrill Jill videos when it suited their purpose.

So there you have it. On the issues that matter most to most of us, Taxes, Services, Integrity and Transparency, this city earned a first term grade of D-, far short of their original promises. Maybe next year there will be a hurricane Dunwoody that meets predictions.

TOD

It's Official: Dunwoody's For Sale

Well, maybe not or maybe it's just our integrity on the block, but it is increasingly clear that it is all about money:

1. While our likker laws do keep out undesirables, more than anything else they generate revenue. Lot's of revenue. And by golly, that's what governance is all about--spending other people's money.
2. And these likker laws are just a part of the business ordinances (IE: taxation) that the City, shall we say, derived from the existing county ordinances. Now remind us--those of us in The Other Dunwoody--wasn't this new city supposed to be better than DeKalb. Increasingly it looks more like a governmental mini-me.
3. Now that we have a City Hall on the cheap, some questions have been raised regarding its location in Sandy Springs, to which members of the council have responded: you can't beat the price. Well, actually if Quixote and his faithful side-kick, Pancho, hadn't gone jousting at windmills, we'd still be in unincorporated DeKalb and as events are about to prove, that would be cheaper. So, do we really want cheaper? No. We want what we want, we just don't want to pay for it.
4. And, the ever-popular Franchise Fee Tax has been officially revealed as just another tax increase. It's not clear how those outside The Other Dunwoody view it, except that the Chair of the Dunwoody Fan Club, Dick Williams, says: "Franchise fees, like 'em or not, have been part of the Dunwoody budget from Day One. Can't do it without them." Well thanks for the clarification Dick--this end justifies any means.

You might be surprised at all this late-in-the-day grubbing for money, shocked at feigned surprise regarding the delay of Franchise Fee/Tax receipts and the allegedly unexpectedly large police requirements. Yet, you know they squandered the extra year donated by Fran Millar, failing to put in place a startup plan, a one and five year plan, a comprehensive land use plan, and the financial models and budgets that demonstrate feasibility.

You might even be getting the idea this is more like a bunch of overgrown children trying to spell "god" with all the wrong blocks than a well-planned civic endeavor.

You might be catching on.

TOD

New "Police" Patrolling Redfield

A close friend of The Other Dunwoody reports sighting a black crown vic with "Police" stickers on the front doors and trunk patrolling the Redfield neighborhood at approximately 7AM on the morning of November 10. The driver was a white male, around 35 years old, slightly overweight, deemed good looking and wearing what could have been uniform clothes: black pants and shirt. The car was bearing Gwinnett County plates and the Police stickers did not indicate affiliation with any police department, neighborhood organization or security company. There were no signs of police lights or any other indication this might be an official vehicle.

Further investigation revealed that the Redfield community had hired an off-duty officer to patrol the neighborhood. Not surprising, given the recent violent crime in the neighborhood and the security vacuum created by an overtaxed and exiting DeKalb PD and the time required to start the Dunwoody PD. They had already taken measures to secure access to their neighborhood and improve security lighting around the tennis courts and club house. Perhaps they are telling us all something about our future prospects regarding security and cityhood.

It should be of concern to us all that the vehicle was clearly labeled "Police", when other neighborhood patrols, like the Morningside Security Patrol, are clearly marked "Patrol" though in both cases they employ off-duty police officers. What is more alarming was the response of the security/patrolman when asked if he was a member of the new Dunwoody PD. He responded "not yet". It would be nice to know who might have (mis)led this individual into believing that a security patrol job is a stepping stone to the Dunwoody PD. These kinds of commitments should be reserved to the mayor, council and police chief, and consequently available for public review.

Or so we were once led to believe. Turns out that isn't true either. The AJC reports that Dunwoody officials are negotiating police options and report that Councilman Taylor:

"has met with agencies proposing to provide the gap coverage."

Further claiming that:

"Taylor declined to discuss the two cities in talks with Dunwoody. "

Declined? DECLINED! What happened to transparency? What happened to better governance than we had as unincorporated DeKalb?

Is it too late or too early for recall votes?

TOD

Returning to the Scene of the Crime

The AJC reports that the mayor and city council has, designated Dunwoody United Methodist Church as the new permanent location for working sessions and city council meetings. The official Dunwoody website is silent on the issue of disregard for separation of church and state this represents.

While things have not gone as smoothly after the referendum passed as before the vote, it isn't clear that the glory days can be recaptured by merely returning to the original venue. Even though officially unconfirmed, rumors are circulating throughout the city suggesting that now more than ever, the Magic Pews of DUMC are needed to shield the mayor and council from impending doom.

TOD

Demon Rum

Dear god, what have we done?

Are you bored? Got some time on your hands? Need little laugh or maybe a real good cry? Then cruise on over and fetch the proposed Dunwoody likker law. It's a hoot. These are just a few miscellaneous notes from a quick read:

In legalese is 'or' inclusive or exclusive? If the former, is not article 2, section 3, item b not semantically equivalent to item c? One thing is for sure, legalese isn't english.

Why can't someone have a financial interest in a retailer and a wholesaler? Does the separation guarantee a bigger sin tax or do they just figure the more the merrier?

So the caterer at my daughter's wedding has to get separate license just for the Champagne Toast? Wow.

Are members of the License Review Board paid, or do they just get the fun of wielding power?
Mayor: "Hey Sam, wanna bust some chops?"
Sam: "Sure, I'd love to twist a few screws! Whatcha got in mind?"
Mayor: "You'll get to sit on the License Review Board. You whup up on folks who just wanna make a living and when you finally give 'em a chance, we'll bleed 'em dry."
Sam: "Sounds like fun, when do I start?"
Mayor: "Next week, but we'll go over the details after church tomorrow."
Sam: "See ya there."

Is the Dunwoody Bottle Shop far enough away from the private daycare/school? Will that impede the opening of restaurants in that shopping center?

Does article 4 section 3 effectively prohibit the Pavillion from serving drinks on their patio? Or do they and Mellow Mushroom get a special permit? Oh, and then there's Park Bench/High Cotton/Peter's/What's Next...

Thank God! Our underage children can still go to the rail, even on Sunday! But only a minister, rabbi or priest can give 'em booze in public--parents have to keep it at home. Wouldn't want anyone getting any ideas, eh?

Article 5, subsection 6 is such a strange mix of weird and funny it is (almost) impossible to comment. And "areola"? Can you even print that in Dunwoody? What, did the Prude Patrol go missing at the Promise Keepers convention? And just what is meant by "expose to view"? Does a chill in the air put T-shirted waiters and waitresses out of business? (Remember men have areola as well and it says "below the top").

The Fourth Amendment rights you give up to become licensed is downright offensive. Looks like our Police will get to search you in places you're not allowed to expose if you want to keep your license. "Put that drink down, we're doing a cavity search!" "But the drink's for me and that's why I need the drink in the first place!"

Article 7, section 2, items f and g imply that the minibars at the W have to be locked up at 2 AM. Oh, and should Dunwoody ever have a bed and breakfast...oops, not enough rooms. Who needs a B+B anyway. Totally out of place in Dunwoody.

Thank goodness we cut the veterans a little slack. Where is the Dunwoody VFW anyway?

But...no drinkin' and dancin'...that leads to licenscious behavior. Good thing the bowling alley is ITP. Can you imagine the symbolism some might attach to rolling a hard ball down a long lane with gutters on each side? Thank god they knock the pins down.

And we retain that wonderful DeKalb county restriction on more than one drink on the table at a time. That's right..."chug it down sir or I can't give you that second glass of wine". Hell, who wants to eat out anyway? And what about Macaroni Grill? If memory serves they just leave the whole bottle.

And finally, Article 8: money, money, money! Now that's what it's really all about!

Truth be told there are only a few reasons for these ordinances:

1. To make lots of money for the city---and who will complain about a sin tax?
2. To keep out undesirables: late night revelers from ITP, and strip clubs and the gentlemen who patronize them.

It does both of these very well. Can we sic these guys on tobacco next? Maybe then we'll be solvent.

TOD

Boyken International vs CH2M HILL

It's called "workin' da web".

Try these searches on google:

CH2M HILL indict
CH2M HILL corruption

Look over just the first couple of pages of search results. The Alaska fiasco is prominent, because it is topical, but you'll also see reference to the Cleveland water disaster and the Camp Humphreys Expansion project. The common thread: the use of "consultants" who are really no more than shills for the company.

Now replace 'CH2M HILL' with 'Boyken International' and repeat the searches.

Does anyone still think Dunwoody didn't dodge a bullet?

TOD

A Great Place to Live

Or, maybe not so much.

CNN Money reports on the top 100 places to live and while Dunwoody is excluded from the list due to size, we can compare our fair city-to-be to the list. For more fun, visit the site and compare Dunwoody to neighboring cities.

So how do we stack up to the top 100? Well that depends.

We make more money and live in more expensive houses, but we also pay more in taxes and one might argue we get less for it. In spite of all the development going on around us, we are significantly below the top 100's average in job growth.

We are older, more stressed, more likely to have diabetes and less likely to have a health care plan to take care of any of this. We have more restaurants, fewer bars and air that is hardly breathable and have no plan whatsoever to address any of this.

Ironically we have more libraries, but even in a state scraping the bottom of the education barrel we fall behind the top 100's performance relative to state averages. We don't fund the arts, but we spend more on vacations. Apparently Delta's ready and we are too.

We're more likely to be married and have a small edge in diversity, though it isn't clear how many Dunwoodians consider that a good thing.

The weather is warmer, we get more rainfall and yet have the same percentage of clear days. All in all, the weather is here---we wish we were beautiful. If we just wish hard enough and click our heels three times then someday, maybe, we will be.

TOD