Thursday, December 11, 2008

Specialized Sexual Activity

That's right dear reader, that's what we're talking about in Dunwoody: specialized sexual activity.

Don't believe it? Then check out the proposed Prude Laws soon to be passed by the Dunwoody City Council, page 5, last paragraph under Section 2: Definitions. This follows on the heels of the Council's (ab)use of Likker Laws to prevent raising a toast to any fine examples of human anatomy, as if there are that many. Furthermore, the fine gentlemen and lady comprising our city government are sipping the wine of God, a dry protestant varietal, in one of His many fine Dunwoody homes. Perhaps it should be illegal for the Mayor and Council drink from that cup while on the job.

Regardless of origin, true intent or even divine inspiration, we in The Other Dunwoody are still left with nagging questions.

What is specialized sexual activity and how do we get some? Do we need training? Are there classes? Certainly not at the DUMC, but maybe the Dunwoody Nature Center? Would these be adult only? Is alcohol involved? We all know candy is dandy, but isn't it true that likker is quicker? Or, is that already outlawed?

And just what are they, our ballyhoo-ed City Council, trying to outlaw with this ordinance? Is anyone with the Kama Sutra and the knowledge to use it as welcome in our fair city as a billboard? Perhaps only if they share their knowledge? Wouldn't want any learning going on in Dunwoody, now would we? Or, is specialized sexual activity a neo-con codeword for homosexual activity, which truth be told isn't as specialized as it once might have been?

Or perhaps, there is just no one involved in City government that reads this stuff before enactment. Could that really be? Are they so blinded by their self-proclaimed good intentions that they no longer see clearly? Are we, all of us in Dunwoody, just rolling down a steep hill in a bus whose driver is asleep at the wheel?

Folks, there comes a time when competence is a turn on. But it seems Dunwoody's leaders think this leads to specialized sexual activity, and by God, and in the shelter of the DUMC, they're going to outlaw that!