Thursday, January 12, 2017

Red Necks, White Socks And Blue Ribbon Beer

Back in the day when bicycles were a kids' stepping stone to freedom because they actually got you somewhere we all mowed our grass at least once a week, usually with a push-behind blade mower. Pastoral. Bucolic. And in the bone-sucking heat of the dog days of summer just enough of a reminder of hell awaitin' to make you really consider going to church tomorrow. But tomorrow is another day and after sweating off about five pounds what you really want is an ice cold PBR. Just make sure you're done with all the yard work and cleanup before you pop that top because in your dehydrated state it will knock you on your ass.  Squirrels will laugh at you.

Things have changed. These days we pay for someone else, with brown skin but lacking the red neck to mow our lawns and then turn around and pay someone else, with blond hair and a bodacious bod to force us to exercise on a bike that goes nowhere, often with only one wheel. Thankfully indoors with A/C and TV's. But after spinnin' up a sweat we still want that cold brew. And right here in DaVille we have a biz hoping you'll finish up your exercise with a cool down of eight ounce curls. Normally this would require a pour license but when a member of council is a member of the club, well you know, this IS Dunwoody where rules don't apply to the well-connected. Consequently someone is floating the idea of a special dispensation, a properly priced indulgence to allow hosting a Friday night "Spin and Sin." That's right, Friday--amateur night for drinkers everywhere.

City Attorneys object, hopefully strenuously, but only on the basis that this action would undermine city licensing and enforcement. Indeed. But no one is asking how smart it might be to get folks sweatin' out electrolytes, have them hammer down a brew and should they survive the "hot tub heart attack" pour themselves into a car to slug it out in DaVille's renowned Friday traffic. Because this is THE Smart City and the smartest of the smart are sitting on Council and are convinced this is a Smart Idea. And a done deal.