Monday, August 27, 2012

Silly Buss

Dunwoody Government 101

  1. Overview and Objectives
    The student will explore the motivations behind operating a City including gaining access to other people's money, the fungibility of ethics, manipulating contracts for power and profit, creating a para-military force, and getting all up in other people's business. This session will lay the foundation for deeper exploration of the intricacies of city politics, politicians and bureaucrats.
  2. Finance
    We'll explain the difference between taxes and mandated fees and explore successful methods used to convince citizens they are much different than they really are. How we soak businesses for every possible penny. Learn about grant applications and how to sell anything as a good thing if "free money" is involved. Find out how a loan is not really a loan if you say it isn't. 
  3. Operations
    Learn how ancillary organizations (e.g., Convention and Visitor's Bureau) are used to funnel money to Friends and Family. Gain insight into using "Penny Shy" contracts to grow and centralize your power while avoiding approval and oversight. See how branding can help you make new friends and write new contracts. Advanced topics include "consummating deals before the public knows about it", "the power gained by public involvement in real estate". 
  4. Zoning, Codes and Enforcement
    We'll explain why codes applied to citizens vary in rigor relative to those applied to politicians. Learn how enforce-on-complaint empowers bureaucrats to do what they want, when they want. Real world examples include using the "boil a frog" method to slowly but continually re-write ordinances eliminating individual and property rights and how avoiding writing ethics procedures keeps politicians in office. 
  5. Police
    Covering the basics we'll look at how a force is established and operated without a training academy. Next we look at growth opportunities on both sides of the ledger but with emphasis on revenue generation. Students will study the importance of expensive toys and junkets, and how these are justified. Recent events will be analyzed to demonstrate how significant failings are spun as justification for more money. We finish with a hands-on exercise to create "The Most Bodacious Uniform" to be the highlight of a mini-parade in the department ATV. 
  6. Public-Private Partnerships
    Explore the subtle differences between PPP and cronyism as well as how this is portrayed in a favorable light. Gain the skills required to be an insider and eligible for PPP participation. Learn how a bureaucrat leverages PPP engagements for personal gain. Hands-on exercises to ensure students understand you don't inhale when smoking a big fat cigar and tips on finding the best single-malt scotch. Additional fees will apply.
  7. Citizen Involvement
    Using citizen involvement to co-opt and silence critics. Understand how to restrict citizen involvement to PR activities and learn how to prevent erosion of contracting opportunities for Friends and Family. Critical coverage on the topic of limiting Citizen Involvement to reports and advisement without any real authority.
  8. Becoming a Politician
    Explore the malleability of truth and the avoidance of consequences. Dispel the myths surrounding "transparency" and "accountability". Understanding that "service" is what all prostitutes provide. Unravel the paradox of "one hand washing the other" all the while "the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing". Special topics include "Adhering to the Letter While Skirting the Intent" as it applies to laws and ethics requirements and "How to Always Be Right, Especially When You're Wrong".
See you there!