Crazy or Stupid?

It was a dark and stormy night. And late. Sam's job sucked. On the road most days of most weeks selling blind fasteners. Pop rivets, fer chrissakes. Like there's something wrong with screws. And nuts.

Sam's mind drifted from his dead-end sales job to the Regional Mental Hospital he passes on his way home. Locals call it the Ha-Ha Hotel because most of the 'residents' are sent there by family members from far away states who can no longer bear to wipe the drool from their daughter's chin or keep their son from eating cigarette butts. And, it frees up time for tennis and golf. That's the punch line for this ugly joke.

Sometimes the residents wander the grounds and Sam has seen an unsettling look in their eyes. The same look he sometimes sees in the mirror after a bad week on the road. A week like this week---like every week. So Sam always dreaded the drive-by. Especially at night.

This night as he approached the turn-off that took him past the Ha-Ha, Sam was sure it got just a little bit darker, rained just a little bit harder. Approaching the fence he began staring only at the pulsating white lines, afraid to even glance towards the dingy facility. Afraid of what he might see. Afraid he would see himself.

Then it happened. Right past the gate. A blow-out. Stopping the car, Sam realized he was soaked in sweat. At least he wouldn't get any wetter changing the tire.

He got out of the car angry, slamming the door, and in the dark was surprised, startled, to see an 'inmate' pacing, grunting, just inside the fence. He hurried to jack and tire. Hub cap off. Inmate grunting. Lug nuts in the cap. Inmate pacing. Turning to the spare, inmate mumbling, Sam kicks the cap, lug nuts flung to the muddy, swollen ditch, gone forever. Cursing his fate, Sam notices the inmate has stopped pacing, stopped grunting, stopped mumbling, and started laughing.

Emboldened by anger, Sam yells at the soaked nut-case: "What are you laughing at? I'm stuck here, in the rain, with a flat, a spare and no lug nuts, being laughed at by the only nut I can't use!"

The inmate stared. Sam glared. Then he spoke. The inmate. "Take one lug nut off each of the other tires and use them on the spare."

Sam was stunned. "What...?" "How...?"
Then the inmate said: "I'm crazy. I'm not stupid."

Sam made it home. Less stupid. But a wee bit crazy.