As of this Tuesday, with Governor Purdue's signing of Senate Bill 308, it is now practical for the citizens of Dunwoody to exercise their Second Amendment Rights. This bill removes the rather peculiar eighth of a mile halo around schools, public and private, that previously made otherwise legal carry by licensed, law abiding citizens virtually impossible in Dunwoody.
Some may wonder why anyone would or should be allowed to carry in Dunwoody, and probably are not receptive to the straightforward explanation that it is a constitutional right. Nor are they likely to accept the view that a citizen ought to be afforded the option of self-protection. Now keep in mind, some of these are the same folks who proudly displayed the yard signs welcoming a double-sized Dunwoody Police Force with the by-line "Bad Guys Beware!". But you cannot issue a such a warning without implying "Good Guys Be AWARE!" And the harsh reality is that outside of infrequent coincidences police show up after the crime, no matter how violent. If you don't want to become a passive victim you need to be pro-active.
Given that law enforcement is by necessity reactive and non-preventative, there is no justification for local governments to start playing soldier by establishing paramilitary forces (e.g., anti-terrorist, SWAT, and narcotics teams) that have a rather spotty record including the death of innocent, law-abiding citizens. Pop Quiz: how many SWAT team members are needed to clear the corpses left by a lunatic who kills and then commits suicide or simply turns himself in? Answer: not as many as needed to cover up after a no-knock warrant is "executed" at the wrong address. What these Tories see through their rosy lenses and blinding, flag-waving civic pride, is a parade of the Noble Uniformed who they believe could never fall prey to history or the failings of other, similar organizations. Not here. This is Dunwoody.
But the Second Amendment isn't really about self protection and even a casual study of American history of the mid to late 1700's reveals that the Bill of Rights was put in place to protect the citizens of a new nation. And it is equally clear from whom our founding fathers knew we needed protection.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Re-Refer Madness
In the event you're new to Dunwoody, or simply consider politics as much fun as changing any other soiled diaper then you may not know the back story to the Republican contest to fill Dan Weber's State Senate seat. It was the legislative Dynamic Duo of Dan Weber and Fran Millar (Senate and House respectively) who through any means necessary brought about the referendum for, and advocated the creation of, the City of Dunwoody. Now Dan is done, ready to scurry off to St. Simons, or Emelia Island or where ever else politicians past their use-by date are warehoused.
Fran is viewed by many, especially Fran, as the heir-apparent to fill Dan's seat. Unfortunately, word did not make it to James Sibold, who opposes Brother Fran in the Republican Primary. The Dunwoody Fan magazine has spared no ink in defense of sometimes columnist, who's overbearing zeal to balkanize our little part of DeKalb receives unending praise. Meanwhile Sibold is depicted as either not supporting the cityhood movement, or as one to be counted amongst those advising consideration and caution. Mentioning his name alongside that of "Shrill Jill" Chambers is clearly intended to rouse the rabble, though truth be told, Shrill Jill proved once again that it isn't what you say, but how you say it.
So the local media have painted a scene wherein a vote for Fran is a vote for Dunwoody, and a vote for James is a vote against. This characterization is nothing short of re-referendum on cityhood. But this time around there are some differences.
Unlike the first time, citizens have access to information and the city has a track record, whilst in the first go round the Citizens for Dunwoody conveniently neglected to publish task force reports before the vote. And though this is not an election year with the kind of voter draw one gets from personalities like Obama, Hillary and Palin, at least it will not be scheduled solely to manipulate the outcome.
Dunwoody fans like to point out that over eighty percent of those who voted (on July 15th in a presidential election year) favored cityhood. They neglect to point out that even with intense prosthelytizing they could barely entice forty percent of registered voters to the polls, so they only garnered a third of the registered voters' approval. Of course a high turnout wasn't the goal, else the referendum would have been coincident with the primary or better still the general election. The goal was to motivate most if not all of those in favor of cityhood with emotional pleas and frenzied hype to vote early and often. While a very high percentage of these voters did visit the polls, it is unlikely their numbers have swelled since the city was formed. As it turns out, there is an increasing level of buyer's remorse in Dunwoody.
Nonetheless, barring nightmare scenarios (like a candidate coming out in favor of late term abortion) we should enjoy a Republican primary synonymous with re-approving Dunwoody. And regardless of whether we get the single issue zealot or the thoughtful moderate we will likely be represented in the State Senate by a Republican that sits comfortably to the right of center.
Fran is viewed by many, especially Fran, as the heir-apparent to fill Dan's seat. Unfortunately, word did not make it to James Sibold, who opposes Brother Fran in the Republican Primary. The Dunwoody Fan magazine has spared no ink in defense of sometimes columnist, who's overbearing zeal to balkanize our little part of DeKalb receives unending praise. Meanwhile Sibold is depicted as either not supporting the cityhood movement, or as one to be counted amongst those advising consideration and caution. Mentioning his name alongside that of "Shrill Jill" Chambers is clearly intended to rouse the rabble, though truth be told, Shrill Jill proved once again that it isn't what you say, but how you say it.
So the local media have painted a scene wherein a vote for Fran is a vote for Dunwoody, and a vote for James is a vote against. This characterization is nothing short of re-referendum on cityhood. But this time around there are some differences.
Unlike the first time, citizens have access to information and the city has a track record, whilst in the first go round the Citizens for Dunwoody conveniently neglected to publish task force reports before the vote. And though this is not an election year with the kind of voter draw one gets from personalities like Obama, Hillary and Palin, at least it will not be scheduled solely to manipulate the outcome.
Dunwoody fans like to point out that over eighty percent of those who voted (on July 15th in a presidential election year) favored cityhood. They neglect to point out that even with intense prosthelytizing they could barely entice forty percent of registered voters to the polls, so they only garnered a third of the registered voters' approval. Of course a high turnout wasn't the goal, else the referendum would have been coincident with the primary or better still the general election. The goal was to motivate most if not all of those in favor of cityhood with emotional pleas and frenzied hype to vote early and often. While a very high percentage of these voters did visit the polls, it is unlikely their numbers have swelled since the city was formed. As it turns out, there is an increasing level of buyer's remorse in Dunwoody.
Nonetheless, barring nightmare scenarios (like a candidate coming out in favor of late term abortion) we should enjoy a Republican primary synonymous with re-approving Dunwoody. And regardless of whether we get the single issue zealot or the thoughtful moderate we will likely be represented in the State Senate by a Republican that sits comfortably to the right of center.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Arts Redefined
Dunwoody, with its premier Arts Festival was not content to put on just another flea market style parking lot carnival of an arts festival. Yes there was a tent city that would be the envy of René Garcia Préval (we leave petty comments about tents not conforming to the Williamsburg overlay to those bloggers who can never find a good thing to say). There were indeed vendors hawking artery clogging blood sludge fare. And of course there were booths with art-student-oils, stained glass, knick knacks, and yard art, that had the council been paying attention would soon be as welcome in Dunwoody as back yard chickens.
But there was much, much more. Though the Dunwoody Arts Festival shared a common starting point with its more established artsy neighbors, Dunwoody has higher ambitions -- no less that redefining parking lot art.
And that they did. Looking at the now rather common examples of stained glass the Dunwoody visionaries saw what they were convinced must be only the beginning of home related artistry. They embraced the struggling movement of "Home Renovation as Art" by inviting home "designers" and their "remodelers" to demonstrate the artistry behind "hand blown budgets" with well crafted "slip schedules".
A closely related, but distinct category of art was put on public display (well sort of) by a local artist specializing in RetroFoam. Dunwoody has, in one dramatic exposition, made accessible an art form that heretofore was appreciated only by the most discerning eye. Often mistaken for a performance art due to the aesthetics of injection hole placement, "wall foam" is actually a response to the recent trend of "found art"-- for this is Hidden Art. The work itself, comprised solely of foam inside a home wall, is intentionally created outside the view of the artist and presents a holistic connection between artist, art and the patron. This ethereal relationship is somehow made tangible by the full engagement of the mind's eye.
But there was true performance art on display, and what a display it was, for it was performance art in its oldest, and some say darkest, form--banking! An art considered by many to one of the most formal, often held in venues commonly associated with chained pens and bullet proof glass, banking took on a gritty, street-wise edge when performed under the sidewalk "little top". Passersby were regaled with the elegant pas de deux of high fees and fine print.
As stimulating and raw as "Banking as Street Art" was, it retained a certain orchestrated Cirque de Soleil quality, missing the informality of improv and thereby creating an artistic void that demanded to be filled. And the Dunwoody Art Community was determined to shake off an unfair characterization as an ultra conservative, intellectually restrained and aesthetically challenged arts backwater by presenting a burly, if not actually burlesque, display of "College Hunks Hauling Junk". The "Hunks" put on a series of bawdy plays in the shadow of their very own circus wagon garishly dominating the intersection of Chamblee Dunwoody and Mount Vernon. Oddly, alcohol was not involved.
Perhaps feeling that the "Hunks" might have pushed the envelope just a bit too far in one direction, the Dunwoody Arts Community showed a softer, but in fact no less edgy, foray into the performance arts with "Merry Maids". Spreading their own brand of pink, the Merry Maids added a warm undertone to the staid "Dunwoody Beige", reminding young and old alike just why these Maids made merry.
So there you have it. Not since the 1996 Olympics were declared almost the best ever have people in Dunwoody, and all across Georgia, had something to be this proud of.
But there was much, much more. Though the Dunwoody Arts Festival shared a common starting point with its more established artsy neighbors, Dunwoody has higher ambitions -- no less that redefining parking lot art.
And that they did. Looking at the now rather common examples of stained glass the Dunwoody visionaries saw what they were convinced must be only the beginning of home related artistry. They embraced the struggling movement of "Home Renovation as Art" by inviting home "designers" and their "remodelers" to demonstrate the artistry behind "hand blown budgets" with well crafted "slip schedules".
A closely related, but distinct category of art was put on public display (well sort of) by a local artist specializing in RetroFoam. Dunwoody has, in one dramatic exposition, made accessible an art form that heretofore was appreciated only by the most discerning eye. Often mistaken for a performance art due to the aesthetics of injection hole placement, "wall foam" is actually a response to the recent trend of "found art"-- for this is Hidden Art. The work itself, comprised solely of foam inside a home wall, is intentionally created outside the view of the artist and presents a holistic connection between artist, art and the patron. This ethereal relationship is somehow made tangible by the full engagement of the mind's eye.
But there was true performance art on display, and what a display it was, for it was performance art in its oldest, and some say darkest, form--banking! An art considered by many to one of the most formal, often held in venues commonly associated with chained pens and bullet proof glass, banking took on a gritty, street-wise edge when performed under the sidewalk "little top". Passersby were regaled with the elegant pas de deux of high fees and fine print.
As stimulating and raw as "Banking as Street Art" was, it retained a certain orchestrated Cirque de Soleil quality, missing the informality of improv and thereby creating an artistic void that demanded to be filled. And the Dunwoody Art Community was determined to shake off an unfair characterization as an ultra conservative, intellectually restrained and aesthetically challenged arts backwater by presenting a burly, if not actually burlesque, display of "College Hunks Hauling Junk". The "Hunks" put on a series of bawdy plays in the shadow of their very own circus wagon garishly dominating the intersection of Chamblee Dunwoody and Mount Vernon. Oddly, alcohol was not involved.
Perhaps feeling that the "Hunks" might have pushed the envelope just a bit too far in one direction, the Dunwoody Arts Community showed a softer, but in fact no less edgy, foray into the performance arts with "Merry Maids". Spreading their own brand of pink, the Merry Maids added a warm undertone to the staid "Dunwoody Beige", reminding young and old alike just why these Maids made merry.
So there you have it. Not since the 1996 Olympics were declared almost the best ever have people in Dunwoody, and all across Georgia, had something to be this proud of.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
X Marks the Spot
Many children's stories include treasure maps with a large "X" indicating the location of what is always described as the world's greatest treasure. Apparently this is true in the world of grownups as well.
Perhaps you've noticed the MARTA buses with a large Red X painted on the side. Or, perhaps your car is in the shop offering the opportunity to visit a rail station where some of the train cars have similar markings. Perhaps you've wondered what that is all about.
Well, dear readers, the recent Toyota recalls have opened up many opportunities to chat unofficially with MARTA officials at the Lindberg train platform. During a recent conversation the issue of the Red X came up.
So, what's with all the Red X's?
pissfritter away the money that should be spent on new buses, train cars and rail lines? Why not just spend some of the CapEx on smaller, more efficient buses? Then you can improve services whilst decreasing operating expenses.
Perhaps you've noticed the MARTA buses with a large Red X painted on the side. Or, perhaps your car is in the shop offering the opportunity to visit a rail station where some of the train cars have similar markings. Perhaps you've wondered what that is all about.
Well, dear readers, the recent Toyota recalls have opened up many opportunities to chat unofficially with MARTA officials at the Lindberg train platform. During a recent conversation the issue of the Red X came up.
So, what's with all the Red X's?
"It's all part of a PR campaign. See we want more money. "Why?
"So we can spend it, duh! We want state funding for operations and capital expenses and this is all part of the plan to get it."How will Red X's do that?
"Well, the Red X means that's a bus or a train car that we will take out of service. That does two things. First, ITP, it riles up the riders. You'll see 'em storming the statehouse, marchin' arm in arm, singin' "We shall over-COME!" That will be grand political theater. "So, that will blow over...
"Maybe, but then there is the impact OTP. See all those conservative suburbanites who "pay more than they play" will see a bunch of empty buses with a big red X and think, "Finally! Somebody at MARTA came to their senses and we won't have all those empty buses barreling through our neighborhoods spewing fumes. At last they're using some of our money wisely". Once they perceive "we get it" then we've got them! They'll start thinking we are responsible stewards of the money they owe us and then we can crack open that "Capital Expenditures Only" lockbox and spend CapEx on operations. Before you know it all those buses, and more, will be back on the streets."Won't that just
"That's exactly what's wrong with the general public. You seem to think this is somehow about efficient operation and top notch service."At this point the unofficial official was interrupted by an announcement: "We are experiencing delays in our Northbound rail service".
"As I was saying...CapEx get's you nothing, it's all about OpEx. OpEx means more headcount. More headcount means a manager has a bigger budget..."Which means the manager gets a bigger paycheck...
"...and a bigger bonus."You get bonuses?
"You BETCHA! Big ones. The kind only public servants can get. And let me tell you, we don't want to lose them either. "So if you spend all the money set aside for capital expenses on operating expenses what happens when you need new buses and cars, or you need to extend rail service?
"That's the beauty of this plan. Once we drain the CapEx funds we'll start pulling buses and trains out of service because they are too old and broken down. The the State will have to buy us new buses and cars to avoid a complete shutdown."And since you've already spent every penny you have...
"...that's right. We still get our bonuses."After the piercing screech of ill-maintained brakes deafened the crowd, this gleeful unofficial official boarded his train, a fitting end to this painful conversation.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Most Prolific Writer
By far the most prolific writer, even before the Whirled Wild Web, remains Anonymous. And there are some folks that take issue with that.
A recent AJC editorial posits that anonymous posts and comments have no place in "legitimate journalism". Legitimate journalism is readily identified by phrases like "unnamed sources" or "remaining anonymous because he was not authorized to speak on the record" or "unidentified sources". That's where the irony gets knee deep. This editorialist cited a case where a judge may have disclosed information on a case that, well, that judge just shouldn't ought to have. That's right. Legitimate journalists are the only ones allowed to divulge information, especially when it is sensitive. But it gets better. Because this is the electronic age no one can really prove that the judge actually made the offending comments, or even that the judge's computer was used. The only thing that may be certain is that the judge's internet account was used.
Then it gets local. A Dunwoody blogger, who shall remain nameless, thought he might encourage greater and more lively debate by allowing anonymous comments. Indeed. This change also did what it generally does, which is remove any inhibitions some folks might otherwise have against vitriol. That anonymous posting degrades the quality of conversation is well demonstrated in local school and police blogs (where anonymity is rationalized as necessary to prevent retribution from the man). Anonymous rants on these blogs have rendered them virtually useless, totally predictable and incredibly monotonous. But there are large number of comments on any given post.
So this Dunwoody blogger gets blasted by a local blog-o-phile, we'll call him "Roger Luddite", who has a consistent non-stop rant about folks "hiding behind anonymous" and using "fake names". He seems to think that the value of the comment is directly related to whether the poster uses his "real name", a pseudonym or simply remains anonymous even though the "real name" is the only one that cannot be verified. (As Thaddeus Osborne Dabell once remarked: "it isn't the name that matters, it's the initials".) Now Mister Luddite considers himself quite the mover and shaker and presumes that everyone in Dunwoody knows him, knows he really exists and assumes we actually give a rodent's rectum that he does and what he says. But in his rather narrow world, if you're posting on the internet, then by god, you should use your "real" name or your comments just don't count. But in taking such a strident view, he prevents open discourse by implying that given a "real" name he might launch an ad hominem attack to advance his own opinion, especially since he already engages in ad hominem in absentia.
Of course this ignores a few key realities. First, since the days of 1200baudbps modems and bulletin boards, folks have been using "handles" when posting online, much like folks did and still do on CB radio. It is, and has been, the way these bulletin boards, and now the web, work.
And, if you follow Mister Luddite's logic, what must we think of "Poor Richard" or "George Sand", and other great intellects forced by circumstance--often an ignorant and bigoted populace--to use pseudonyms? Are their works somehow diminished by the fact that the "real" author's name remained hidden or has the world been a better place because important ideas were offered to the public? Is a good idea, or a sound and legitimate criticism, any less worthy because the mind behind the words chooses to remain unknown? Conversely, is there any value, positive or negative, in knowing that it was indeed Mister Luddite who said something?
At the end of the day, if you cannot filter the sound comments, the profound analysis and the informed opinion from the increasing noise on the internet, regardless of the name on the tagline, then maybe you're not as smart as you think you are.
A recent AJC editorial posits that anonymous posts and comments have no place in "legitimate journalism". Legitimate journalism is readily identified by phrases like "unnamed sources" or "remaining anonymous because he was not authorized to speak on the record" or "unidentified sources". That's where the irony gets knee deep. This editorialist cited a case where a judge may have disclosed information on a case that, well, that judge just shouldn't ought to have. That's right. Legitimate journalists are the only ones allowed to divulge information, especially when it is sensitive. But it gets better. Because this is the electronic age no one can really prove that the judge actually made the offending comments, or even that the judge's computer was used. The only thing that may be certain is that the judge's internet account was used.
Then it gets local. A Dunwoody blogger, who shall remain nameless, thought he might encourage greater and more lively debate by allowing anonymous comments. Indeed. This change also did what it generally does, which is remove any inhibitions some folks might otherwise have against vitriol. That anonymous posting degrades the quality of conversation is well demonstrated in local school and police blogs (where anonymity is rationalized as necessary to prevent retribution from the man). Anonymous rants on these blogs have rendered them virtually useless, totally predictable and incredibly monotonous. But there are large number of comments on any given post.
So this Dunwoody blogger gets blasted by a local blog-o-phile, we'll call him "Roger Luddite", who has a consistent non-stop rant about folks "hiding behind anonymous" and using "fake names". He seems to think that the value of the comment is directly related to whether the poster uses his "real name", a pseudonym or simply remains anonymous even though the "real name" is the only one that cannot be verified. (As Thaddeus Osborne Dabell once remarked: "it isn't the name that matters, it's the initials".) Now Mister Luddite considers himself quite the mover and shaker and presumes that everyone in Dunwoody knows him, knows he really exists and assumes we actually give a rodent's rectum that he does and what he says. But in his rather narrow world, if you're posting on the internet, then by god, you should use your "real" name or your comments just don't count. But in taking such a strident view, he prevents open discourse by implying that given a "real" name he might launch an ad hominem attack to advance his own opinion, especially since he already engages in ad hominem in absentia.
Of course this ignores a few key realities. First, since the days of 1200
And, if you follow Mister Luddite's logic, what must we think of "Poor Richard" or "George Sand", and other great intellects forced by circumstance--often an ignorant and bigoted populace--to use pseudonyms? Are their works somehow diminished by the fact that the "real" author's name remained hidden or has the world been a better place because important ideas were offered to the public? Is a good idea, or a sound and legitimate criticism, any less worthy because the mind behind the words chooses to remain unknown? Conversely, is there any value, positive or negative, in knowing that it was indeed Mister Luddite who said something?
At the end of the day, if you cannot filter the sound comments, the profound analysis and the informed opinion from the increasing noise on the internet, regardless of the name on the tagline, then maybe you're not as smart as you think you are.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
No Problem
First Law of Problem Solving
This effect was made public in a recent post on a local blog (a post that is rather difficult to find). In this post, the author excerpted an article that espoused how wonderful Dunwoody Village is for the over 55 crowd, with its accessibility, wide sidewalks, great restaurants, live-work-play, etc. The article even provided a convenient web link: www.dunwoody.org. Now let's be clear, it was the original article author who mistakenly stated that this wonderful, walkable, live-work-play "village" well suited to the blue-hairs was actually located in Dunwoody, GA.
The issue is that someone allegedly familiar with Dunwoody Village, in Dunwoody GA, would confuse our village with the one described in the article. Wide sidewalks alone should be a clue to anyone who has ever walked around the village. And just where is someone "living" in the village. Yes, there is that fellow camping out in the truck camper behind the Chevron, but the bag lady is long gone and there aren't any residences in the village proper. Instead of a walkable village center we have a tribute to asphalt: Dunwoody Village PARKWAY. A rather bizarre four lane divided highway that is hardly a quarter mile long. And yes, the 25MPH speed limit is never enforced, but it has too many hills and curves for a proper drag strip, and we don't have a Shoney's to provide the proper before and after race party atmosphere. With Brewster's closed we cannot even conjure a proper "parking lot carnival" backdrop.
"So what?", you're thinking, "most blogs are all made up anyway...surely this one is." And generally, you would be correct. Most of this blog is made up. But what if someone did read the aforementioned article and conclude "this sounds just like Dunwoody Village by the farmhouse"? What if this person were in a position to actually identify and solve problems within our city? Is this the kind of "power of observation" that would support effective problem solving? Probably not.
Our beloved parkway is an excellent example. Were someone in authority to actually notice they would recognize several problems. There are four lanes, plus turn lanes, where two would easily suffice. There are no sidewalks whatsoever, let alone wide ones. There are no safe pedestrian crossings. All of these (and more) could be remedied. And this is just one small patch o' pavement in Dunwoody.
So we have a real, fundamental problem. We have a Mayor and City Council so blinded by self adulation that they cannot effectively serve the public. Given there is a problem, there must be a solution, and it is simple: it is job of every voter in Dunwoody to elect a Mayor and Council that can see and fix the obvious problems we have in our city.
Where there is no solution, there is no problem.Second Law of Problem Solving
If you have a solution, you own the problem.Then there's politics. Politicians get elected by claiming they will solve problems others can or will not. Often they claim to be able to see problems others cannot even recognize. But what happens when an elected official elects not to see problems obvious to almost anyone else? Does the lack of acknowledgment which prevents any solution mean there really is no problem? Or do we have another, more serious problem?
This effect was made public in a recent post on a local blog (a post that is rather difficult to find). In this post, the author excerpted an article that espoused how wonderful Dunwoody Village is for the over 55 crowd, with its accessibility, wide sidewalks, great restaurants, live-work-play, etc. The article even provided a convenient web link: www.dunwoody.org. Now let's be clear, it was the original article author who mistakenly stated that this wonderful, walkable, live-work-play "village" well suited to the blue-hairs was actually located in Dunwoody, GA.
The issue is that someone allegedly familiar with Dunwoody Village, in Dunwoody GA, would confuse our village with the one described in the article. Wide sidewalks alone should be a clue to anyone who has ever walked around the village. And just where is someone "living" in the village. Yes, there is that fellow camping out in the truck camper behind the Chevron, but the bag lady is long gone and there aren't any residences in the village proper. Instead of a walkable village center we have a tribute to asphalt: Dunwoody Village PARKWAY. A rather bizarre four lane divided highway that is hardly a quarter mile long. And yes, the 25MPH speed limit is never enforced, but it has too many hills and curves for a proper drag strip, and we don't have a Shoney's to provide the proper before and after race party atmosphere. With Brewster's closed we cannot even conjure a proper "parking lot carnival" backdrop.
"So what?", you're thinking, "most blogs are all made up anyway...surely this one is." And generally, you would be correct. Most of this blog is made up. But what if someone did read the aforementioned article and conclude "this sounds just like Dunwoody Village by the farmhouse"? What if this person were in a position to actually identify and solve problems within our city? Is this the kind of "power of observation" that would support effective problem solving? Probably not.
Our beloved parkway is an excellent example. Were someone in authority to actually notice they would recognize several problems. There are four lanes, plus turn lanes, where two would easily suffice. There are no sidewalks whatsoever, let alone wide ones. There are no safe pedestrian crossings. All of these (and more) could be remedied. And this is just one small patch o' pavement in Dunwoody.
So we have a real, fundamental problem. We have a Mayor and City Council so blinded by self adulation that they cannot effectively serve the public. Given there is a problem, there must be a solution, and it is simple: it is job of every voter in Dunwoody to elect a Mayor and Council that can see and fix the obvious problems we have in our city.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Dumb Terror
Reacting to the recent spate of terroristic activity in Dunwoody, our PD is pulling an officer from his routine patrols and sending him halfway around the world to protect and serve from afar. If you think this is just another City Junket, one that would never happen if not covered by other people's money, or that we would not make this investment in our own safety, or worse yet, you think there are no terrorists targeting Dunwoody, then think again.
The danger is clear. And it is here.
This was revealed during a visit to a local asian restaurant, a family run operation that may well be a front for an ancient terrorist organization. The owner, a wiry old man, revealed some truths obviously known to our PD, but hidden from the population at large.
So there you have it. The Phalen Dong, clearly a well-armed terrorist organization, is in our midst. Dunwoody is at great risk, and under the circumstances sending our Police Force to a foreign country may just be the smartest thing this city is capable of.
The danger is clear. And it is here.
This was revealed during a visit to a local asian restaurant, a family run operation that may well be a front for an ancient terrorist organization. The owner, a wiry old man, revealed some truths obviously known to our PD, but hidden from the population at large.
"I am leader of Phalen Dong."So? We don't care, we're looking for Holder of Dinner Menu. We're here to eat.
"You will care. Phalen Dong...ancient society, formed during Mang Dynasty, to destroy Men of Great Stupidity and strike terror into the hearts of the Merely Dumb."You mean the "Ming Dynasty"?
"No, Ignorant One. Mang Dynasty. Mang Man of Great Stupidity, whose misdeeds inspired Phalen Dong who then ended Mang's reign after thirty days. Phalen Dong prevailed, but many remain who celebrate the Month of Mang, so Phalen Dong ever vigilant, always ready to arise."Fine. So what can that possibly have to do with the price of Moo Shu Pork in Dunwoody?
"Where need is great we appear. Followers of Mang gain strength in Dunwoody. The Merely Dumb align their forces--become Men of Great Stupidity--then the Phalen Dong must rise again. Stupidity will be destroyed and a dark fog of fear will surround the Dumb."At this point the old man was interrupted by the sounds of breaking china emanating from the kitchen. He disappeared into the back and amidst the old man's piercing screams a bus-boy shot out, chased by the Flying Pan of Phalen Dong which left a small but prolific scalp wound on the poor boy as it raced past him towards the door.
So there you have it. The Phalen Dong, clearly a well-armed terrorist organization, is in our midst. Dunwoody is at great risk, and under the circumstances sending our Police Force to a foreign country may just be the smartest thing this city is capable of.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Dunwoody Lands Freaknik
In a competition between several southern cities, Dunwoody has been chosen to host this year's "Freaknik" celebration. Speaking with two folks at the Convention and Visitors Bureau of Dunwoody, Sally Feurth and Mark Addol, emotions were running high and there was electricity in the air.
Understanding the magnitude of this event, the City Council has taken up some key initiatives.
The first, and most innovative, is City-supplied "free" vouchers for tanning salons. This will encourage the largely melanin-challenged population of Dunwoody to proactively "darken-up" to become more welcoming (and one hopes, less frightening) to our guests as we roll out the red carpet. What makes these vouchers "free", particularly to the City, is the addition of a small "fee" to every resident's power bill thereby ensuring that tanning services are available to all. Hopefully this includes those who might not otherwise tan. On a related note, local hair salons are slammed with requests for perms so make your appointment now.
They have also formed aToady Citizen's Committee to plan and coordinate the various events and related activities.
First on this Committee's list is a parade, for after all what is Freaknik but a large, multi-day parade? The Committee plans to kick off the festivities with an official parade which means City Officials get to ride around in really nice cars. They have reached out to Queen Latifa, their first choice, to be Grand Marshal, but she declined, saying "Freaknik in Dunwoody? Are you EFFin' crazy?" The Committee's second choice, Cynthia McKinney, has gladly accepted remarking that "what I miss most being in Cali are the Dunwoody parades. I'm thrilled, absolutely thrilled." In addition, Vernon Jones is expected to be a keynote speaker at several events and head judge of the Rick James contest.
To say that Hiz Honor is jiggy with it when it comes to Freaknik is quite the understatement. Rumor has it that he not only intends to enter, but win the Rick James contest. Visitors to City Hall have reportedly heard strains of "Super Freak" and shouts of "I'm Rick James, Beeeich" coming from the men's room. He, or someone strikingly similar, has also been seen about town taking advantage of the City's Tanning Program.
Miz Honor seems less enthusiastic about Hiz participation, perhaps fearing that some might suspect he has been practicing at home. And she is right to be concerned after that recent fuss with the ZBA, which was presented as an issue solely for Miz, not Hiz, leading some to conclude they maintained separate domiciles. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ever the loyal supporter, Miz Honor has reportedly said "I don't think he has a good chance to win, I think he's all but guaranteed the Blue Ribbon."
We shall see, for unlike his earlier anointing, there are rumors of formidable competition. Sources close to Fran Millar aren't prepared to make a public announcement but neither will they deny he is considering entering the fray. Dan Weber's closest associates on the other hand have made it clear that the Senator has no intention of entering the Rick James Contest or any similar event. At this time. But the likely front-runner is Dunwoody's long-time favorite, Jill Chambers. She already has the voice down pat.
And what would any Dunwoody event be without church involvement--without fully engaging our tax-exempt mega-churches? Nothing, that's what. And true to form, the United Baptist Bank of Dunwoody is riding the Soul Train to Freaknik.
Dr. Richard Head, Music Minister, sees this as "a great opportunity to pump up the music offerings for our congregation", while Delburt "Del" Doe, Social Activities Director, is planning a Grand Marshal "Roast and Revival" for opening night and these two are working very closely together to make this event a success.
Of course, safety throughout Dunwoody is a top consideration, no less so to those in our police department than anyone else. While no one with the police would speak on the record, a unnamed passerby was more than eager to speak on their behalf.
But this event does not come without dissent. The Itty Bitty Titty Committee is not at all happy with the tanning plan. Barbara Beacoup, Committee Chair, contends that "extensive tanning blurs the line between skin and areola, making the existing ordinance virtually unenforceable." She believes it is "bad enough that people are doing this on their own, but it is unconscionable for the City to pay for this." Vera Vadeveist, a Committee co-founder takes serious issue with some attendees. "Many of the young ladies we expect to attend Freaknik are not only, what is their term, bootylicious, but are equally well equipped on top. This is simply not consistent with what our members want to see in Dunwoody."
The Lemonade Days Committee voiced some initial concern that Freaknik would be scheduled too close to their own event. Freaknik organizers offered a convincing argument the Freaknik crowd generally did not like citrus and probably would not return for Lemonade Days even if it were conveniently scheduled, greatly allaying the Committee's fears.
As expected there was also some complaints from the losing cities who suggested that the competition might not have been totally on the up and up. A quick call to the City Attorney's Office degenerated into an hour of IVR hell resulting in a canned statement: "The City of Dunwoody cannot comment on any pending or current litigation, complaints or negative comments except to say that any negative assertions leveled at this City are patently absurd. All of them, bar none are unactionable." So there you have it. If you were looking to patent absurdity, Dunwoody beat you to it.
It is hard to say just how well Freaknik In Dunwoody, The 2010 Edition, will play out but it is almost certain to be unlike any other event since the referendum.
"This is quite a coup--we were up against some impressive offerings", remarked Sally. "We had stiff competition from Hanging Tree, Mississippi, Strange Fruit, Alabama and had it not been for the Governor's recent troubles I'm sure we would have some formidable opponents from South Carolina, with that flag and all."
"That's right, Sally", added Mark in a rather condescending tone, "but hands down, the legacy favorite had to have been Lynchburg, Virginia. They've got it all. The name. The heritage. And, as good as Dunwoody may be, they've got Williamsburg refined to an art--after all they are IN Virginia."
"But we knocked them off their throne, didn't we? And I think if you do your research you will find that in some quarters Dunwoody carries every bit as much cachet as Lynchburg."Apparently Sally took the marketing initiative and would have nothing to do with sitting quietly in the shadows. At this point, she couldn't be stopped.
"See, we have not only a long, distinguished history to fall back on but we have very recent accomplishments--feather's in our cap--not the least of which is our recent victories in our campaigns against DeKalb. We also quite proud of our heritage preservation efforts. We have farms and while these are not quite plantations, they really capture the essence of the plantation, don't you think? Really, we do get the same effect. And, if I'm not bragging too much, we have more than our fair share of ``woodsheds'', which I'm sure favorably impressed the selection committee."Quite an accomplishment indeed. But what about events? What about city-wide preparations for this monumental event? Sure, Dunwoody has the roads, complete with the stop-not-go traffic a mainstay of the unofficial parade at the very heart of every successful Freaknik, but Freaknik is much more than a cruise-in. Much, much more.
Understanding the magnitude of this event, the City Council has taken up some key initiatives.
The first, and most innovative, is City-supplied "free" vouchers for tanning salons. This will encourage the largely melanin-challenged population of Dunwoody to proactively "darken-up" to become more welcoming (and one hopes, less frightening) to our guests as we roll out the red carpet. What makes these vouchers "free", particularly to the City, is the addition of a small "fee" to every resident's power bill thereby ensuring that tanning services are available to all. Hopefully this includes those who might not otherwise tan. On a related note, local hair salons are slammed with requests for perms so make your appointment now.
They have also formed a
First on this Committee's list is a parade, for after all what is Freaknik but a large, multi-day parade? The Committee plans to kick off the festivities with an official parade which means City Officials get to ride around in really nice cars. They have reached out to Queen Latifa, their first choice, to be Grand Marshal, but she declined, saying "Freaknik in Dunwoody? Are you EFFin' crazy?" The Committee's second choice, Cynthia McKinney, has gladly accepted remarking that "what I miss most being in Cali are the Dunwoody parades. I'm thrilled, absolutely thrilled." In addition, Vernon Jones is expected to be a keynote speaker at several events and head judge of the Rick James contest.
To say that Hiz Honor is jiggy with it when it comes to Freaknik is quite the understatement. Rumor has it that he not only intends to enter, but win the Rick James contest. Visitors to City Hall have reportedly heard strains of "Super Freak" and shouts of "I'm Rick James, Beeeich" coming from the men's room. He, or someone strikingly similar, has also been seen about town taking advantage of the City's Tanning Program.
Miz Honor seems less enthusiastic about Hiz participation, perhaps fearing that some might suspect he has been practicing at home. And she is right to be concerned after that recent fuss with the ZBA, which was presented as an issue solely for Miz, not Hiz, leading some to conclude they maintained separate domiciles. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ever the loyal supporter, Miz Honor has reportedly said "I don't think he has a good chance to win, I think he's all but guaranteed the Blue Ribbon."
We shall see, for unlike his earlier anointing, there are rumors of formidable competition. Sources close to Fran Millar aren't prepared to make a public announcement but neither will they deny he is considering entering the fray. Dan Weber's closest associates on the other hand have made it clear that the Senator has no intention of entering the Rick James Contest or any similar event. At this time. But the likely front-runner is Dunwoody's long-time favorite, Jill Chambers. She already has the voice down pat.
And what would any Dunwoody event be without church involvement--without fully engaging our tax-exempt mega-churches? Nothing, that's what. And true to form, the United Baptist Bank of Dunwoody is riding the Soul Train to Freaknik.
Dr. Richard Head, Music Minister, sees this as "a great opportunity to pump up the music offerings for our congregation", while Delburt "Del" Doe, Social Activities Director, is planning a Grand Marshal "Roast and Revival" for opening night and these two are working very closely together to make this event a success.
Dr. Head seemed quite excited about a casual music event bridging traditional and contemporary genres. "We'll have an open mike night for Negro Spirituals..."
"...can you say that?", a slightly embarrassed Doe quizzicalled.
"you mean Negro?..."
"...yes...can you really say Negro?"
"well, I did, and we are OTP..."
"...then I guess you can."
"as I was saying", Dr. Head continued in a slightly, well, pissy tone, "we're hosting open mike and in respect for our visitors and contestants we're asking all congregants to don unadorned albs and since this event is under a tent, head covers are inappropriate. Nonetheless it should be quite the sight from the stage."
While Dr. Head took a much needed breath, Mr. Doe, all a-buzz, continued "And what a site it will be. We'll will have a huge tent with a large white cross adorned with red neon lighting directly behind the elevated altar..."
"What a Friend We Have In Jesus"
"and a water feature reminiscent of the River Jordan..."
"Down in the River to Pray"At this point, the conversation became uncomfortably like a lover's spat, but let it be known by all that UBBoD will be putting on quite a show.
Of course, safety throughout Dunwoody is a top consideration, no less so to those in our police department than anyone else. While no one with the police would speak on the record, a unnamed passerby was more than eager to speak on their behalf.
"The Dunwoody PD will be in charge of ticket sales with their main service center on the south side where the majority of attendees are expected to arrive."Oh, are they supporting pre-sales, perhaps through Ticket Master?
"Well, it isn't exactly that kind of ticket, and the final cost is yet to be established. However the Dunwoody PD will be offering complementary ``DWB'' citations, but framing is extra."Nice touch that. Framing. Who would have imagined?
"And while it should go without saying, we will keep with tradition, and shut down all official activities by sundown."At this point this mysterious passerby got into a large black sedan with government plates and sped away.
But this event does not come without dissent. The Itty Bitty Titty Committee is not at all happy with the tanning plan. Barbara Beacoup, Committee Chair, contends that "extensive tanning blurs the line between skin and areola, making the existing ordinance virtually unenforceable." She believes it is "bad enough that people are doing this on their own, but it is unconscionable for the City to pay for this." Vera Vadeveist, a Committee co-founder takes serious issue with some attendees. "Many of the young ladies we expect to attend Freaknik are not only, what is their term, bootylicious, but are equally well equipped on top. This is simply not consistent with what our members want to see in Dunwoody."
The Lemonade Days Committee voiced some initial concern that Freaknik would be scheduled too close to their own event. Freaknik organizers offered a convincing argument the Freaknik crowd generally did not like citrus and probably would not return for Lemonade Days even if it were conveniently scheduled, greatly allaying the Committee's fears.
As expected there was also some complaints from the losing cities who suggested that the competition might not have been totally on the up and up. A quick call to the City Attorney's Office degenerated into an hour of IVR hell resulting in a canned statement: "The City of Dunwoody cannot comment on any pending or current litigation, complaints or negative comments except to say that any negative assertions leveled at this City are patently absurd. All of them, bar none are unactionable." So there you have it. If you were looking to patent absurdity, Dunwoody beat you to it.
It is hard to say just how well Freaknik In Dunwoody, The 2010 Edition, will play out but it is almost certain to be unlike any other event since the referendum.
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