You know, it starts out great. You've done all the right things; said all the right things. You're on the same page with family, career, kids and finances. But somehow, somewhere it all goes wrong. You're no longer on the same page. You're not even reading from the same book. You know where you are, but you're not exactly sure how you got there.
Until you are.
After the initial shock, most divorcees find that one of the biggest sources of fatal conflict is money. Having it. Spending it. Saving it. And heaven forbid, borrowing it. And you did discuss this. You came to an understanding, an agreement. Inevitably this agreement is to be prudent, to spend money, yes, but to spend it wisely. And with a common understanding of what, exactly, wisely means. And this is what you do.
Until you don't.
Something happens. Usually one finds that the commitment to prudence escapes them. Maybe the neighbors got a new car and jealousy set in. Maybe deferred gratification isn't your thing. Or, just living within your own means means you won't live with the things you want, things you feel will make your life better, without any way of knowing if there is an ounce of truth to that. But you've made a commitment, a vow, and you will keep it.
Until you won't.
At first, you're sneaky. You're clever and hide your indiscretions. You may even enlist others into your deceptions, but deceive you do.
Until you're caught.
At this point the damage is done. The wound is mortal, the relationship is over. It just takes time, often too much time, for both to acknowledge it. To bury the remains of a relationship that upon reflection was dead when it started, when one, or both, said they would do something that goes against their nature. Things that deep down, you knew you could not, you would not, do.
And you didn't.
So this is where we are. It started with promises of financial restraint. Taking care of our needs and watching out for our greeds. To establish clear priorities, to not deviate, remaining undistracted by outside influences. To remain immune to envy, to jealousy. All the promises you made, so many years ago, you've broken. You've used outside money, one-time funds, to incur ongoing, recurring liabilities with no clue how you're going to pay the bills when the windfall runs out. Do you just pray for another windfall? Certainly you will deceive, you will lie.
And you have.
We discover, in the Blue Bag Rag, that "staff have been instructed to not use terms like 'reserves' and 'structural deficit'" in a clear effort to deceive the public. This comes as no surprise from someone who has condoned falsifying police reports, but this deception breaks a fundamental trust. A promise made at the beginning of the relationship. Because of your infidelity, and your constant deceptions, you have created an untenable situation. You have killed what could have been an enduring relationship, perhaps intentionally, certainly without a care. It is time to revisit the charter, not to amend the contents, but to tear it up. You have already destroyed all it ever represented. You're asking for a divorce.
And that's what you deserve.
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