Guest Post: Teary Mizzou

This is yet-another-food post, from the same ole Calinky but this time a Calinky abroad. Italy to be specific. This is a twist on an Italian classic as interpreted by a teetotaling backslidin' Baptist. 

You cannot make this up.

Ya know the gun run to Eye-Tall-ee and did we have fun. Picked up some of the finest WWII firearms and the stories are all true. These guns have never been fired and only dropped once. And priced to sell. Ya find me an M1 Garand in that shape and it'll cost a hunderd times what these'll set ya back. 

It shoulda been a quick in-n-out but yer cousin Aaron, why my sister named that fool Aaron is beyond me, but Aaron wanted to soak up some culture like it's biscuits and gravy or somethin'. Someone married to his first cousin once removed could certainly use some or somethin' or anythin' but he's the only one of us who looked through that peephole in the door on top that hill in Rome who was disappointed. I guess after walkin' around the You Feezy looking at naked paintings and statues of men showin' off their shortcomings he musta thought he was gonna see somethin' other than a garden and the Vatican dome. That boy ain't right. 

I did tell you that them Eye-Tall-ee-ans talk funny, right? They pronounce every vowel. Every. Stinkin'. Vowel. Makes 'em hard to understand even when they're talking Amurican. Like that restaurant in Rome. Elle Effe ain't "ell eff" like it is here. Nope, it is "ell-AY eff-AY." Why they gotta say all that? Ya should hear 'em talk food. It's almost like they're makin' fun of ya. Or themselves. 

Anyway, all that week we in the Tuscan big house watchin' grapes grow we kept hearing about "teary Mizzou." I don't know why they call it Tuscany cuz there ain't no elephants anywhere though they kept talkin' about someone called "Hannibal." Some kinda elephant rancher and not the Hannibal I'd heard of. Anyhow I expected to see a lot of Cryin' Tigers cuz they got a whoopin' from the Tide. Nope. No tigers. No oliphants. Turns out this is some kinda dessert, like a coffee cream pie. And the folks at the big house showed me how to make it and that's what I'm gonna ya. Pay attention. 

This is all the shit ya gotta have. 

First ya gotta make coffee with that silly little coffee pot. Don't take long. Don't make much. But man is it strong. Add some sugar and ya wanna let that cool 'fore using. 

Now I did switch this up as them ain't chicken eggs, they's duck eggs, well three of 'em are. Why? Cuz I had some. Now normally ya'd use chicken eggs, but I had three duck eggs and used the whites outa a chicken egg. The yolks are all duck and duck eggs are damn near all yolk. As you know or are about to find out, duck whites hold on tight to that yolk and we gonna have to scrape it off with the back of a knife and ya notice it is whiter than chicken. But here ya go.

Three Yolks And Four Whites

Add in some sugar. Now I'm usin' some of that fancy Demerara stuff 'cuz I wanna make this vegetarian, well if yer one of them dairy-egg vegetarians. Fun fact, most o' that plain white sugar ain't vegan. It's processed with somethin' called "bone char" that is exactly what it sounds like. Ya gotta wonder why.

Power up that hand mixer 'til you get something like this.

Dump in both them Eye-Tall-EE-un cream cheeses and keep on beatin'. 

Switch to that whisk and attack them whites. Ya wanna stiff peak but ya know better than to over whip, don't ya. Sorta like dealing with yer kids. 

Dump the whites in the cheesy yolks.

Add a couple dollops of cream and fold together. Lots of foldin' but not too much. See?

Get everything ready to put this bad boy together.

Dip the "lady fingers" into the coffee. Not too long. Just long enough. Let 'em sit a bit to soak up the coffee. 

Layer of fillin'. Layer of fingers.

Two more layers and a final layer of fillin'. Then to chillin.

Dust, real good, with cacao. Now I'm usin' cacao, not cocoa, cuz cacao ain't processed nearly as much as cocoa and it ain't never dutched. Now some folks say cacao is bitter but with all that sugar and cream cheese, bitter might just be what this thing needs. 

Then serve it up.

It's a mess. A cool mess, but a good mess.

Now some folks do things a little different. Some folks add booze. Not sure what kind but they do. Other folks, probably those using cocoa, sprinkle each layer in the pie. Try it if ya like but I'm doin' what I've been taught. At least a few times.