Dunwoody Joins War On Drugs

Though the official announcement has been delayed due to difficulty in arranging the proper photo-ops, it is all but certain that Dunwoody will be engaging in The War On Drugs. Dunwoody's three-star chief has proposed a Narcotics Task Force and will anoint an officer to join The War.

Now, you're probably thinking "how can just one officer make a meaningful contribution to America's already successful War On Drugs? Isn't this just wasting our money on some egotistical grab for glory?" Well you just aren't thinking about this the right way. Of course one officer won't make a dent in the production, distribution, sale or consumption of illegal drugs. But one officer is more than enough to haul in assets confiscated by those who really do make meaningful contributions to The War.

And that is what this is really all about---grabbing as much as we can of other people's money while contributing as little as possible. If we could make the Narcotics Task Force Officer a part time position we probably would.

Still, you may be worried this will lead to draconian enforcement of victimless crimes in Dunwoody, that you need to be more careful, perhaps even moving some of your smoking off the deck and back indoors. Well, that may just be normal, harmless paranoia, or...if the tit we give up for all that tat is allowing real LEOs into the city to enforce drug laws, you just might want to make sure that's real grass growing in your yard and not some weed.

Of course no one at City Hall would speak on the record, but a strange combination of French Roast and a deficiency in the potty training of others was quite revealing. As so often happens, French Roast can run through you like a Parisian fleeing the Nazis and is accompanied by a persistent demand intolerant of denial or delay. While this is annoyingly time consuming, in this case it created a serendipitous opportunity to be privy to the inner workings of our fair city...

...shortly after the restroom door opened it  was obvious two others had entered...

"Can you believe that loser expected official comment on what we're doing with the Narco force?"

"Can't these folks get it through their heads? They're only needed for taxes, fines and votes and we only need a little over half the damn votes. So, how is it coming with Narco? You got someone lined up?"

"Yeah.  She starts next week."

"SHE? Whattaya mean SHE? Don't we have enough of them already?"

"Dude, this one's a real looker. Plus, it isn't like she really has to do anything."

"Yeah, right. I bet she'll be doing plenty. Just keep it quiet and no matter what don't let her touch the thermostat. I hate it when they keep playing with the damn thermostat. And I don't care how good she is at what she's not really doing, she needs to hit the ground running on this Narco thing. We've got a river of money flowing 'round 285 and we need to tap into it. Now!"

"Damn right. And we need to start pickin' up some sweet rides like those guys at DeKalb---and I call dibs on the first Escalade."

"Done. With a ride like that you can pick up a box lunch anywhere in the ATL---that's where you need to be gettin' your doing done."

At this point they started giggling. For the record, grown men giggling in a restroom is almost too much to bear. Fortunately one headed to the sink and the other apparently went straight for the door.

"Hey, didn't your ole man teach you to wash up after doin' business?"

"Didn't yours teach you not to piss on your hands?"

Apparently no one taught them there is only one kind of business you should be doing in a public restroom.

So dear reader, there you have it. With the Toll Trolls, and now the Narcs, one thing is for certain: when you deal with this City Hall, you'll want to wash up.

Water Schmater, It's an Intellectual Drought

Suppose the legends are true and throughout the ages aliens have been visiting earth in search of intelligent life. Surely they would be amazed that thousands of years ago mankind harnessed power to bend his environment to his will. Perhaps our greatest achievement are the systems devised for storing, purifying and transporting potable water. From the days of the Screw of Archimedes and the Roman aquaducts, to the hey-day of Europe's canals, to modern times where we have harnessed water for power, fortified it, refined its purity, and delivered it to every home, we have increased our control over this most important component of our environment. In no small way, the ready availability of pure, potable water has improved our health and extended our lives. Surely this would impress even the most advanced intergalactic traveler.

Indeed these are truly impressive accomplishments. But then these intergalactic IQ evaluators would see what we do with this valuable resource. All too many of us simply dump most of the water delivered to our homes on the ground. This is not accidental, nor the result of some hard-to-find leak, nor is it negligence on our parts. Au contraire, we have actually built systems to methodically and automatically dump purified, fortified drinking water on the ground. Anyone in Dunwoody has seen these obscene tributes to stupidity spewing pure drinking water on the ground regardless of drought or deluge.

By these actions alone the intergalactic measure of our Societal IQ would place us somewhere between amino acids and Boston Ferns. So the search for intelligent life in the universe continues. Just not around here.

Stopping Speeders In Dunwoody

Dunwoody is filled with folks who "ain't from around here" who simply cannot resist telling us how to do things they way they are done where ever it is that they come from. Then we get the folks who travel, who claim to have a world view and can't wait to show us how far from real civilization our pedestrian little lives are. It is always better somewhere else.

But...

Every now and then someone in a far-off land really does have a unique, a new, dare we say even a better idea. In this case it comes from Denmark (not the place with the tulips---that's Holland and they're called "Dutch", and yes it makes your head hurt) and it deals with a problem near and dear to our hearts: speeding. Or rather, how to prevent, or at least reduce, speeding.




This Danish Technique shows great promise both in addressing the speeding issue as well as alleviating some of the negative aspects of traffic congestion. Of course there are problems, not the least of which is the need to import adequate talent. Then there is the Itty Bitty Titty Committee to contend with as they are sure to get their panties in a wad. But as Dunwoody has demonstrated time and again in its first year of operation, where there is a will there is a way.

This is a solution many in Dunwoody would gladly embrace.

Scholastic Aptitude Test

Now why do you suppose they call it that?

If you listen, even briefly, to any member of the Georgia Public School Apologists (GPSA, a local branch of the national Public School Apologists, headquartered in Lake Wobegon) you would conclude this test is generally worthless, but particularly deficient in its namesake purpose. They claim to have much to back up their assertions of SAT deficiency.

First, they observe that many students just don't test well. Now they are careful to avoid the fact that many of these students test well enough in the classroom to be awarded A's, and they offer no explanation as to why Georgia is blessed with such an abundance of students who don't test well.

Then they like to point out that all high school students in Georgia take the SAT which is not the case in other states. Fair enough, if they were to factor in Georgia's abysmal dropout rate recognizing that these dropouts don't take the SAT. But they're not going to mention the dropout rate because they are card-carrying members of GPSA, and the dropout rate makes the schools look even worse.

Finally, they point us towards colleges and universities that no longer use the SAT for admissions, with the implication that this endorses their view that the test is flawed to the point of being worthless. This ignores the possibility that colleges are responding to the horrible failure of public schools by admitting freshman classes that are a confederacy of dunces---because that's what the public schools give them. They don't need SAT scores to confirm these students have no place in college and if they persist in using the SAT they place their institution in danger of maintaining records suggesting they have intentionally lowered standards to fill out class rolls. Which is exactly what they are doing.

What they, the GPSA, don't realize is what this hollow propaganda reveals about them. Imagine this. Suppose Georgia ranked in the top five rather than the bottom five on SAT scores. Would these apologists be equally vocal in condemning the SAT then, or would these results somehow make it into the never ending chorus of "How Great We Art"? We all know the answer and it shows these people are moral and intellectual windsocks. What parents need to realize is that a vast majority of these people, these self serving apologists, are teaching in and running Georgia's public schools, and that it is to these people that they have entrusted their children's education.

Does Blogging Make Successful Politicians?

First, let's get the semantics out of the way. This is not about statesmanship, moral integrity or character. It is simply about political success--getting elected, then getting re-elected. Nothing more.

That said...

Much has been made (largely in the self-indulgent blogosphere) about a certain Dunwoody city councilman and his blogging activity. There have been some suggestions that his political success is caused by his successful blogging and that other bloggers might follow in his keystrokes.

As with all cases where correlation is taken as causality, there are links between the two, often strong links. Before blogging was cool, let alone the thing, this particular blogger had been active in his neighborhood, personally engaging the county on a variety of topics. At the early stages of his political career, the blog was a convenient way to keep friends and neighbors informed and publish important government documents--much like a newsletter. Often the postings carried a bit of watchdog tone, advertising events and actions that some in government might prefer kept quiet. So, much like the pamphlet publishers during the formation of our country, the activist-blogger is more a part of the Fourth Estate than the establishment. Any transition between these two requires a significant paradigm shift and in this case it was the formation of the City of Dunwoody. And that shift is over.

After election to the city council this activist-blogger's career took on the characteristics one expects of an elected official and the content of the blog turned a bit more inward towards the city and became noticeably more congratulatory with criticism reserved for the dark forces of DeKalb County and the occasional billboard vendor. This represents a difficult transition from an outside agent of change to a establishment insider that few among us can make. This particular blogger skillfully navigated this dangerous political and blogging passage.

The point is the blog did not make the politician--the politician made the blog. To suggest otherwise is akin to suggesting that someone with Tourette Syndrome would make a great public speaker simply because you can't shut them up.

School Season Officially Opens

Ladies and Gentlemen! Start your engines!

The removal of the Redfield cross walk practice dummy signals the official start of open season on students and other pedestrians crossing Chamblee Dunwoody Road. As early as this season has started it will still be difficult if not impossible to best last years winner so get started now.

Dunwoody and Entrepreneurship

Startup companies can be extremely exciting places to work. They are often defined by one key, often radical, innovation and an entire team commits to an almost cultish effort to convert an idea into reality. As one might guess, it takes a special type to work in this environment. It takes someone even more special to manage these people and start these companies. And, as almost everyone in the VC community knows, these are almost never the kind of people who can successfully run a company once it is started.

So it is with cities.

Dunwoody's first post-formation elections are upon us and it is time to find candidates that can run a city. We need candidates who can define themselves in the new semantic of an established city with grown up responsibilities and accountabilities instead of the terms and capabilities of a home owners' association, no matter how effective it was in helping create the city. We need candidates free of even the appearance of unseemly associations and activities--no matter how much everyone likes them or their ice cream. We need to move forward and we need the right people for the job.

The danger one sees in retaining entrepreneurs beyond the startup phase is that their early success becomes justification for self-righteous actions that are wholly inappropriate and counter-productive once that phase is complete. The characteristics, personalities--the very people that were necessary to form the organization are those that will destroy it. The citizens of Dunwoody are facing just that danger.

Back to School: Be Aware

Suppose you are making decisions affecting the largest investment of your life. You are sitting across the table from the representative of a major institution who you hope will answer your questions and address your concerns. It is explained that your worries are unfounded, things will be all right, that in fact, things are all right. Much better than you imagine. This representative is cordial and navigates a sea of confusing jargon with aplomb just short of a dismissive "not to worry, we do this all the time, it always works out in the end". You leave feeling the representative was helpful, was sincerely on your side and all really is well.

But reality rears its ugly head and you cannot deny that you were had. That what you thought was a good thing, what you were told was a good thing, simply was not. You were duped.

Later you learn this representative was motivated much more by the agenda set by his organization and administered by his bosses than a more altruistic, good-faith effort to work on the client's behalf as you had originally felt. Truth be told, if the representative were allowed to tell the truth, there are many problems with the organization, its operations and services, and how it treats employees and clients. Stories of waste and mismanagement. Of a self-serving bureaucracy that has abandoned its original mission. But you will never hear this. It would cost the representative his job.

This is pretty much how the current mortgage/housing/economic crisis unfolded. People were misled and yes, that means they followed. The natural backlash to someone with a $40K income thinking they should get a $250K loan is to conclude no one could be that stupid, no loan originator could be that slick and quite frankly the stupid borrower should suffer. One cannot deny the borrowers' responsibility, but one cannot deny the lenders' either.

But what does this have to do with back to school? Well it turns out this isn't about ninja loans and the economic meltdown. It's about the education meltdown. If we are to believe the postings on a local blog, the representative turns out to be "teachers" and the organization is public schools. Now there is some reason to question the veracity as well as the significance of comments made behind the cloak of anonymity and various nom de blog, but let's accept it for now and see where logic takes us.

But first the facts. This blog is ostensibly for watching, as in watchdog, the local school system, but has become a safe haven for an unquantifiable number of "insiders" almost all of whom comment anonymously. When called to task on the anonymity (as we are about to see, it is an issue) the reaction is generally along the lines of "give those in the system a safe place to say what they think needs saying" or "If you want teachers and parents to post, they need to be able to do so withour[sic] fear of retribution" or open encouragement with "feel free to post ...anonymously...[the] administration needs to hear the details only you can provide but have no place for you to provide it where you can feel safe from repercussions". This can carry the mind so many directions (e.g., what if you wanted teachers and parents to actually do something rather than just vent?), but the task at hand is to glean what this says to engaged parents about the public schools and their front-line representatives.

First, one has to believe public schools are an oppressive bureaucracy resulting in a stygian work environment for educators. Why? Because that is what these statements speak to: bring up a problem, suggest a solution, expect retribution. Everyone knows the public education combine is rife with guild socialism, almost to the point of feudalism, but this speaks to a system that is so oppressive that even tenure provides no protection.

It also tells us much about the front-line educators, their priorities, their convictions and their character. They may see much wrong with the system, strategically and tactically, and may have suggestions for improvement, for changes that would benefit their charges. But the paycheck is more important. In every situation they know what they have to say and how to say it. Effectively. They are sock puppets and the hand thrust up their woolly little arses commands them to speak the approved edu-babble for the greater good of the system.

So what can you, the parent do as you sit across the desk from your child's teacher?

You must be skeptical and you must parse every sentence. Edu-babble is reknowned for its sonorous, poetic qualities as well as its almost complete lack of useful information. Question. Keep it simple--force answers to stay on-topic. Come prepared for the topic at hand. Squash diversionary tactics. e.g., the teacher suggests you see the counselor, the counselor routes you to a principal who wants to know why you--it is now your problem--couldn't resolve this with the teacher. Drag each diverter to the next suggested destination, call them in immediately or get them on the phone--no exceptions, no excuses. You will either get answers quickly, or end up in a meeting with a principal, a couple of assistant principals, a counselor or two and the teacher.

And never forget: it is our schools, your child and their future.

Dunwoody Gets Toll Road

Dunwoody scores another first! We are the first Georgia city to convert an existing road into a tollway. Following the principle established with franchise fees (I.E., having citizens pay again for something they've already paid for), the Dunwoody Police Department has converted top end I-285 into a toll road.

The chief has established a Revenue Enhancement Division(RED) chartered with the goal of extracting money from non-residents in a dual effort to "bring in significant dollars" while minimizing political backlash. While no one in an official capacity would comment on the record, word on the street is that members of the RED squad are called the Toll 'Trolls.

And Trolls they are.

Anyone venturing outside Dunwoody has probably encountered one of many bewildered if not angry interlopers caught in the DPD web of success. The conversation generally goes like this: "What's up with Dunwoody, eh? I can drive twenty over the limit on Chamblee Dunwoody or Roberts--in a school zone fercrissakes--but I'm just keeping up with traffic on 285 and I get pulled. Are they nuts?"

Unsubstantiated reports indicate that an inordinate number of those paying the Toll 'Trolls are Cobblodites. While they are widely known to be the worst drivers on the planet, some even say the county sticker is redundant, in many cases they have not been observed doing anything out of the ordinary. It may just be that their reputation as horrible drivers suggests they are accustomed to receiving citations thereby making them easy targets. No one at the DPD would either confirm or deny the practice geopolitical profiling, but one individual was overheard joking "we don't profile that way".

Proposals to enhance revenue and reduce costs by entering into IGAs with neighboring communities so that Dunwoody receives direct payment from other municipalities are in the works. This would reduce the need for the 'Trolls, which will remain in place until the IGAs are finalized. There is another effort to investigate the availability of stimulus funds for the toll collections. Other federal grants have already been investigated but these required that the city provide some level of matching funds thereby reducing the net benefit. Off the record the city has made it clear that "this must be one hundred and ten percent other people's money."

In any event, the effort to obtain revenue from those residing outside Dunwoody is a success that is only going to get better.

Georgia Has a Best Town In It...

...Lord have mercy on us all!

Annual best places to live rankings were published this summer and while no Georgia city made the US News and World Report top 10, Peachtree City snagged the number eight spot on the CNN Money Magazine rankings. Dunwoody was nowhere to be found.

Why is that?

As US News explains in their methodology page, crime statistics play a significant part. Seems like a good idea to live in a place with low crime, even if you're a criminal (less competition). If we compare Peachtree City and Dunwoody we find that Dunwoody not only has more violent and property crime than Peachtree City but that it is more than double the national average.

Some have posited that Dunwoody stats are inflated because they are reported as part of DeKalb's stats and when these are disaggregated the true, and more flattering, image of Dunwoody will emerge. This puts folks who ardently support both Dunwoody and the Dunwoody PD (and its likely expansion) in a tight spot. You simply cannot tout Dunwoody as a wonderful place to live, evoking pastoral images of Mayberry and Rockwellian vignettes of a calmer, safer time filled with Lemonade Days and Fourth of July Parades, and then turn around and justify a 40+ member police force with no traffic enforcement division (and yet consuming over 40% of our budget) by claiming crime in Dunwoody makes this necessary. You also cannot ignore the recent daytime burglaries.

When this contradiction was pointed out to a popular local blogger he immediately pulled a post touting his belief that Dunwoody was somehow slighted, that not making the list was DeKalb's fault, that Dunwoody was and would be proven better. This retraction was sad recognition of an obvious political dilema with an equally obvious solution: support the PD over PR even if that means supporting the PD over reality. We have transitioned to a chauvanistic Deutschland, Deutschland über alles from the pollyannish Mayberry, RFD that got us a city in the first place.

But just where does that lead? We have what many say is an already bloated police department that others contend is understaffed even at these levels--after all there are those daytime burglaries. Still others, especially those told there is no traffic enforcement division, see executive and management incompetence.

One thing is certain, the police force will not shrink, and its growth will always be justified as a public safety necessity. It is the only way to sell it. Unfortunately this promotion of Dunwoody as a high crime area, or even as an island of calm where safety is maintained by constant patrols of an armed militia, does nothing to improve Dunwoody's stature as a great place to live.

So if we must have prophylactic patrols, let them be traffic enforcement. Surely flashing blue lights at a traffic stop will do more to advertise a benign police presence than sulking black and whites. After all the goal should be to make our community safer, even from speeders and let criminals know this is not a good place to set up shop. This can be done without sending the message that Dunwoody is dangerous crime pit.

Imagine how the current "crime drives staff expansion" PR campaign affects property values. Suppose you are relocating from a nice quiet town in another state and you are looking at houses in Dunwoody. As the real estate agent drives you around, you can't help but notice the police. They're everywhere. All over the mall. Cruising the neighborhoods. Dunwoody PD. DeKalb PD. MARTA. Mall cops. Folks, cops don't prevent crime, they respond to crime, going to where the crime leads them.

There must be something we can do and there is. If you believe the stats are inflated, the PD too large and mismanaged, then take action. Elections are coming up. Let your voice be heard. If you believe crime is bad and getting worse, protect yourself. Don't become another statistic. And dear reader, you can always do both.