This is a conversation overheard between a visiting ole farte Calinky and his nephew who lives in Dunwoody. As is often the case, the language is salty and no effort has been made to change that. Get over it or go somewhere else.
Boy, let me tell you, drivers around here suck.
OK, what is it this time?
Well, remember you told me to take that back road, the one that changes names three times, to get over to Cobb county? And how I should go to the light to turn left instead of taking that short road that cuts off the corner, you know, the one Google tells me to take? I did it your way and damn near got killed when some Porsche pulls out in front of me, coming outa that road you told ME not to take.
You must not have crashed, or that would have been the first thing out of your mouth. What happened? Did you have to blow your horn? Does that clown car even have a horn?
Yes, it has a horn and no, I didn't blow it. There wasn't enough time for that. I mean, this car pulled right out in front of me. And no way the driver didn't see me. I was past the hill and I always run with my driving lights on and you know how bright those are. Just pulled right on out.
And what is it with Porsche, anyways? They used to make good cars. Drivers cars. Now they make these whatever-UVs. And when they're white, they're just generic, and you can hardly tell they're a Porsche, except this place seems eat up with 'em.
Yeah, and Teslas.
Don't get those things. Who wants to drive a car with an IUD tacked on the back? Maybe it's the ladies' version of a penis wrap.
OK. OK. Enough. What did you do? Slam down on those new brakes of yours?
No. Seriously that car pulled out when I was nearly right on it. No time for brakes. This called for evasive action. You know how there's a street opposite where that Porsche pulled out?
Auden Trail. Did you turn right?
Been tellin' ya...not enough time. But I did use that extra pavement to get on the right side of that Porsche, made the skinny pedal kiss the carpet and scooted past. Thank gawd for that Brit Six. And I know you're blessed with a bumper crop of shitty drivers, but this was the worst I've ever seen. How'd it get so bad?
No cops. I mean we have cops. On the payroll, but not on the streets, so everyone knows they can drive without any regard for any laws. Speeding? Fine. No turn on red? Says who? Stop sign? Yield sign? Ignore them all. Red lights? Run at will. No cops. No tickets. So they've conditioned drivers around here to disregard any rules and drive like their own worst self.
Well, that driver definitely earned a "Student Driver" sticker. And what's up with those? This place is eat up with Porsches, Teslas and those silly stickers. Why don't they just send 'em to drivers' ed? You ain't gonna see those stickers back home.
Why not?
Well, when folks started puttin' 'em on their cars, cops started pullin' 'em over. See, the cops figured if you're gonna try on-the-road training, they were gonna offer a lesson on 'what it feels like to get pulled' and 'how to talk to a cop.' Then they offer refresher courses. Turns out these drivers were either fast learners or they figured out those stickers slowed ya down. Now we're back to 'baby on board' signs. That's it.
Anyway...I didn't hit the Porsche, but I am looking forward to gettin' home.
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