Thursday, July 22, 2021

Guest Post: Calinky In The Kitchen

Once again we have our favorite Calinky in the kitchen, this time with, of all things: quiche. As always the spicy language has been moderated so as not to offend the more sensitive palates. Without further ado. 

A Calinky, especially a low-country Calinky will eat darn near anything. But not that surrender-monkey speciality, quiche. That ain't even a real word let alone real food. Another thing about Calinkies, even low-country Calinkies, is we got to grow veggies. And the older we get the more we got to do it and the more we end up litterin' the larder. Stuff just piles up. One thing you got to grow is squash. No one knows why 'cuz it is the most appropriately named veggie in the garden. Maybe the whole world. Squash. Hard to cook so it doesn't look exactly how it sounds. 

But there is one way. Bake it into an egg pie. Now credit where due: this egg pie is inspired by the lovely young doctor who took us to that Eddie Izzard concert in the before times. I didn't have no grocery store pie crusts so I had to make do with my own but since I got one of them ee-murshun blenders that comes with a pigmy food processor I didn't have to fork the butter into the flour. So my messy-plates for the crust was just a cup and a quarter of flour, a stick of butter, a half teaspoon each of salt and sugar and about a quarter cup of real cold water. 

The butter and water gotta be real cold. Heck, you cain't even cube up the butter unless it is pretty near frozen and it don't hurt none to freeze it after you get it chopped up. Ya gotta put the flour, sugar and salt in first and run the machine to mix it all up. 

Then you add the butter and run it 'til the butter bits are small pea sized. After that you add the water and grind on it until you get a dough that holds together. Make sure you don't take it so far the butter bits completely disappear. If you do there ain't no fixin' it and you gotta start over. 

Now the easiest way to work the dough is to dump it onto a sheet of Sara's wrap and then you can roll up the edges, push down with your knuckles and bring the dough together. Run it with the rolling pin to make sure it is all together and fills the plastic. Dough done. EZPZ. 



Hopefully you did this real quick and the dough is still cold but you still gotta put it in the fridge for a while to keep that butter cool. Don't make much sense but when you take it out you have to let it sit a few minutes to keep it from splittin' all around the edges. Roll it 'til you're sure it'll fit the pie pan.

Get it into the pie pan, make sure it is in the pan all way 'round. If you don't know how to use the rollin' pin to get a crust in a pan your momma didn't raise you right and there ain't no fixin' that either. 

Depending on the pan you can use the rollin' pin to trim off the excess. 

I use the trimmin's to make cookie cutter stars cuz I don't want to throw out that much dough. 

The filling's got two parts and a few ingredients. 

First is the veggie we're trying to get rid of in the first place. This is just sliced thin either with a knife or a vegetable peeler. Your choice. These strips are placed on edge from the outside spiraling in to the center. Mix and match squash with zucchini and eggplant if you got 'em. For the liquid chicken mix that makes this an egg pie you're gonna need eggs, cheese, fresh thyme and maybe a little cream or half and half. Put all this in a bowl and mix. 

You pour this over the veggies already in the pie, adorn with the stars and you're about ready to bake.

This thing has to bake in a pre-heated 375 degree oven for about 20-25 minutes and you'd be wise to keep an eye on it after the 20 minute mark. Other than that, cook it until it is done. 

That's an egg pie and you cain't hardly tell there's squash in there. Now you might be thinkin' the yellow color comes from the squash. Think agin. That yellow comes from the egg yolks cuz these are backyard chickens and that's what you get from backyard chickens. The best thing is that even when you slice it you still cain't tell there is squash in there. The best way to eat squash is when you don't know you're eating squash.