Thursday, May 29, 2014

The French Connection

By now you've probably heard that we is gonna be gittin' ourselves one gawdalmightygorgeous tree fort on down to the Brook Run. And just how did we git so lucky? Well Daisy Mae, it's a sweet deal that just fell right outa da sky like that thar coke bottle in that silly movie you dragged me to.

Did this deal just fall from heaven? Is it a sweet deal or a sweetheart deal? Well it turns out there really is a French Connection and in this case the drug is money. And what would this fair city NOT do for a bit of coin, eh?

Seems there is a company out there with most operations in France (as in YOU-ROPE, France as shown in their very own brochure) which is now expanding to...wait for it...Georgia!!!!


How absolutely fortuitous for us! Who knew that the French were visiting our fair city's web site searching for the odd RFP or RFI leading to this wonderful, splendiferous pas de deux? NO ONE! And you want to know why? Because there NEVER WAS AN RFP, that's why. And there never was any group of citizens who ever requested these kinds of services. This came from somewhere else.

Apparently folks as far away as France know the otherwise secret phone number and email address of Ms. Dunwoody Staff who is the gatekeeper to all Unsolicited Opportunities (occasion non sollicit├ęs) for as we all know solicitation is illegal in this fair city.

In all fairness (and seriousness) these arboreal obstacle courses may be wonderful things. One can only imagine how beautiful they are in the alpine locations chosen in France. But what makes this whole affair as odious as the backside of a truffle-sniffing pig is how it came about and how it will be operated not to mention what it really says about Dunwoody.

Do you really think the Directing Managers of some French company did some market research and decided that Georgia and the Atlanta 'burbs in particular was the absolute best spot on the planet to establish a beachhead for global expansion? Or...is it more likely that some Georgia politicians got hooked up with these executives in a meeting brokered by the French Consulate and these new besties shared a ballon de vin rouge and then cooked up a plan (in all their best interests) to bring this French Delight to our little burgs? Want to bet these were state level politicians who have not so subtle ties to wannabees at the more local level?

But it is pretty putrid at the local level as well. Transparent? Not unless you have X-Ray vision. Who exactly is "Staff"? You'll never know so unless you like being deflected or lied to, don't ask. Clearly there is a black market network where those few who parlez-vous know exactly how to get their business into Dunwoody, what they'll pay and what they'll get in return. How much tit for what kind of tat.

And the company's behaviour is a bit odd as well. They have taken down the brochures on their US sites (the ones with the map of locations in France) replacing the link with a "Coming Soon" notice. Why do you suppose they did that? Did someone drop a dime and suggest they do a little "tree-top-flying?"

Then there is the money. Not just the now unavoidable fact that Dunwoody has shown to the world that it will spread 'em wide at the drop of a coin but the (ab)use of "fee based services" hiding behind public-private-partnerships (three pee uh-oh).

What are these fees really for?

Looking at the projected price of admission one has to wonder (and some have) who exactly can afford this? But if you pull this thread the whole mystery unravels, because the next question you have to ask is who exactly cannot afford this? It's less about who we're letting in than who we're keeping out and that would be families and kids who aren't from around here--you know, from South DeKalb or even those nearby undesirables living in apartments at PIB. Fellow citizens of Dunwoody.

This isn't about the ill-conceived privatization of a fundamental City benefit/service, this is about using economics to enforce segregation of those benefits effectively denying access to those we find unworthy. Wonder how egalitarian our French allies think that is?

When this economic segregation works (and it always has) at least we can go to Brook Run and watch kids swinging from the trees, chattering and squealing and not overhear any Dunwoody Soccer Moms telling off-colour jokes about how those kids look like monkeys.

And since it's all about the kiddies that's OK, right? Laissez les bons temps roulez!
Hey sister! Go sister
soul sister
go sister

Hey sister! Go sister
soul sister
go sister.

He met Marmalade down in Old New Orleans
Struttin' her stuff on the street
She say
Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?
Getcha getcha ya ya da da
getcha getcha ya ya here
Mocha chocolata ya ya creole Lady Marmalade.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up
The boy drank all that magnolia wine
Upon her black satin sheet where he started to freak
Getcha getcha ya ya da da
getcha getcha ya ya here
. . .
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? . . .

Touchin' her skin feelin' silky smooth
colour of cafe au lait
Made the savage beast inside roar until it cried
More - more - more

Now he's back home doin' nine to five
livin' his grey flannel life
But when he turns off to sleep
old mem'ries creep
More - more - more
Getcha getcha ya ya da da
getcha getcha ya ya here
. . .
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

Oui, il me fera plaisir. Combien?