Thursday, December 30, 2010

Fan Rag Evicted

Rumor has it that a publishing misstep on the part of the Dunwoody Fan Magazine may result in their eviction from the City of Dunwoody. This all stems from a recent insert to the rag, a glossy covered Dunwoody "guidebook", probably intended to grace the lobbies of hotels and businesses in the area. But for one small problem: the table of contents sports two blatant mistakes: "Featuress" and "Dunwoodt".  For avid readers of the Dunwoody Fan Magazine, "Feature" is a rather stout word, capable of standing in plurality with a single "s", and "Dunwoody" actually ends with a "y", not a "t" and not even a five point star, though the satanic allusion to a pentagram resonates.

In the absence of the recently unveiled "We're so smart. You're so not." branding campaign, this otherwise rather ordinary and all too common Fan Rag Faux Pas would pass unnoticed. But not now. Not with the entire world focusing attention on the "Genius City" of Dunwoody, breathlessly waiting for our city leaders to reveal the Grand Unification Theory. This will not pass without world notice and certainly has not eluded the folks at Smart City Hall.

A spokesman for the Bloated Yet Expanding City Attorney's Office, who cannot be named because he doesn't exist, explained the City's position:

"The City of Dunwoody finds this to be an unconscionable act of stupidity. It is wanton. It is reckless. And [pause for effect] it is unacceptable."

"This is a Smart City. In fact, THE Smart City. We all know it. We all say it. Yes, we've set the bar high, but we feel this is necessary to uphold the new tradition we've created. This blunder is incompatible with that tradition and we, as a City, must take direct and immediate action. We have therefore taken steps to ensure this offender moves out of Dunwoody."

When it was suggested this was but two words out of thousands and perhaps this was a bit of an over-reaction, the apparition continued:

"Look. Most of the content was obtained from other sources. All the Fan Mag had to do was pull it together, slap on a Table of Contents, Copy Edit and PROOF READ, and get the things printed. You ask professional journalists to do this because they are supposed to be competent, but now we know. This is a Smart City, always has been, but to keep it Smart we sometimes must ensure that those not able or willing to meet our standards find a place more suited to their kind. We're going to help them get started on that search."

Another commenter questioned the possible impact this could have on the Fan Rag's status as the City's Official Organ.

"Organ, Schmorgan. It's all on the table. Can you imagine the liability if a business or citizen posts a legal notice, but these goofballs drop it on the floor? Who's going to take the hit for that? There is not a court in this land where incompetence is a viable defense. So yes, now that there is competition we will examine all options."

So there you have it, dear readers, the latest gossip in the Smartest City. Stay tuned as the drama unfolds. Will the Fan Rag pull up and leave, or will they enjoy a forced exit? And will Dunwoody stand by its wavering, flaccid excuse for an Organ or will we man-up and embrace the new, virile option? Only time will tell.