Sit Down Old Man

The Blue Bag Rag recently reported on a dialogue between former councilman and mayor, Dennis Shortal and a representative of TSW, hired by city bureaucrats to do their job regarding zoning code rewrites. Shortal gave a history lesson as it seems that the history behind this city has either been forgotten or is simply being ignored. Smart money is on the latter. He was met with a rebuke: "much has changed since 2020, and Dunwoody's zoning is outdated with leftovers from its time as part of unincorporated DeKalb County."

Wow. So much bullshit in so few words.

Turns out that Dunwoody is over fifteen years old, not five. What else does this hired gun not know? Well, that would include "not everything in pre-existing zoning is bad just because it is the same as DeKalb County," but you can be sure this shill was told to use that justification, Or how about this: zoning codes do not come with a five year expiration date, but maybe TSW will be back around in 4-5 years to rake in more money on the next re-write. Have you got that Dark Side Of The Moon ear-worm yet?

Shortal was spot-on, but neglected an important fact. No matter what folks were sold on fifteen years ago, when that referendum passed they handed the keys to the kingdom over to unelected bureaucrats. And these bureaucrats operate in their own best interest and the interest of developers. And that's why we're getting a zoning rewrite and you can rest assured it will benefit lots of folks, but not the citizens OF Dunwoody. 

There Will Be...

...apartments!

If you rat-hole on social media you may have noticed folks complaining on local fora either about their current apartment or the difficulty of finding one that doesn't suck. Rents are going up, far beyond any other component of the cost of living, and quality of life is going down. Things remain unrepaired for months, even years. Management is unresponsive if not downright rude, and that assumes they can even be found. 

And the answer to this dilemma is? Well if you ask any developer, and the city bureaucrats only too happy to lend them an ear, that would be build more apartments. Not build better apartments, build more. Building better apartments might cut the cycle of planned dilapidation turning off the revenue stream of building more, new apartments while the older ones fester and decay. Where's the profit in that? 

There is one thing worthy of note in the online descriptions of the downward spiral and that is the use of the word ghetto, as in ghetto people. This was in very negative reference to a complex to avoid. It wasn't surprising that the word was used, it probably is very accurate, but that there where no ad hominem  attacks. In this world were so many are just waiting to express outrage and condemnation this passed without notice. Maybe everyone knows these were ghettos-in-the-making from the day they broke ground.

Preview The NEW Dunwoody Village

Want to see what the bureaucrats (and their developer overlords) have in store for Dunwoody Village? Of course you do! And it is so, so easy. Just take Ashford Dunwoody south from Mount Vernon, past the House of Sauron, down to Hammond and take a right. At Perimeter Center Parkway turn right and be sure not to miss our Lords of Darkness's current dumpster fire: High Street. Well, someone is high. Continue north on Perimeter Center Parkway to the intersection with Perimeter Center West and stop at the traffic light. Even if it is green, because there ain't no traffic enforcement in Dunwoody. No look straight ahead and you see what folks-who-don't-live-here want to inflict on the village. Up and to the right you'll see one floor of retail, but only along ONE side, and six, count 'em SIX, floors of apartments. Look closely and you'll see how they have thousands of parking spaces cleverly hidden behind the facade. Cool, huh? Don't you want some of that butting up to your house? Of course you do!

But wait! There's more.

This retail plus APARTMENTS is replicated throughout just as it will be in their Dunwoody Village. And did you notice that tall, rather phallic building towering over the others (quite an accomplishment given most of those other buildings are seven and eight stories high)? Yep. That's coming to their Village as well. Probably two. Why flip you off with just one hand when you can use both? Right?

And now you know where your next several years' tax increases are going. Straight to some very well connected developers' bottom line.

Like Shingles...

You had a disease, thought you got over it but the virus was dormant, just waiting to come back. Stronger and more painful. 

Last go-round of Viral Developer Syndrome that popped up on Roberts ended with application withdrawal in 2019. That was for ten units. And it was just a brief remission. Now they (greedy developers) are back, with a demand for fifteen clutter homes and claiming a detention pond is a green space feature rather than the mosquito habitat we all know them to be. Normally this would just be another WTF moment with rumors of insider deals. But this is different.

This time the Developer's Authority is in on it. Openly. A partner on the project, Robert Miller, is a board member for the Developer's Authority. If any apologist holdout needed any evidence that city hall is of, by and for developer's, this is it.

And what of the Seven Dwarfs? Smart money says they'll rubber-stamp anything put before them and given the fix is in the only remaining question is "when does construction start?"

Rights Banned In Dunwoody

At least if you own residential property.

It all has to do with an odd-shaped 2.6 acre bit of property on Roberts, backing up to Fairfield condos and across from the new Austin Elementary site. There are some, not clear exactly who, but some, who want special treatment for this property allowing what would otherwise be high density housing, perhaps re-zoning to R50. Of course, being a HOA-on-steroids more than a local control, limited government city, Council wants to dictate what the property owner should/will/must do. With their property. At their expense. While this higher density would, perforce, dump more vehicles on a crowded thru-way, the city seems OK with that, having turned a blind eye to the triplex operating just up from Novo Cucina.

No less than the mayor himself takes umbrage at the property owner's rights suggesting if the hobnail boots of the city are not planted firmly on their throats these owners are "going to get five houses in there by right. And they're going to build what they want to build, and I don't think that's something that we want whatsoever." Who "we" kemosabe? You mean the property owner might actually build five homes on 2.6 acres? Unprecendented! NOT! One need only go to nearby Magnolia Walk where you'll find nine similarly spaced clutter-homes.

But this is Dunwoody and no way is anyone going to exercise their property rights in this town. Not while this mayor is large and in charge. 

Don't Ask...

...and SHE won't tell.

You may have noticed this sign near the Village:

Three Units In One House

Looks like an apartment building--a triplex. But what does the Zoning say?

Well, the records say this is residential, single family. Wonder what the city says? Wonder if we'll ever know given the "Don't Tell" philosophy that reigns supreme?

And The Answer Is...

NO! [Update: the sign was absent by Wednesday but the remainder of the diatribe still applies...]

It's Baaaack!

Zoning Doesn't Matter.

This is truly ponderific.

Are Zoning classifications and ordinances inherently unenforceable? Are they in fact designed to apply only to new construction thereby hewing true to the Founding Fathers' intent to ban NEW apartments? Do they further only apply to the Perimeter district? Or perhaps they also apply in the neighborhoods of the Mayor and those on Council. For the rest, not so much?

At the risk of suggesting Honesty Is The Best Policy, perhaps Council should update Zoning Ordinances to reflect the reality they have created and now maintain in daVille. Some McMansions come equipped with a quite nice in-law apartment in the basement--why can't they rent that out? What if you're not blessed with a six thousand square foot Bill Grant mini-estate? Well, why not "Rooms For Let?" A regular boarding house, reminiscent of The Greatest Generation. How quaint, just like the village Farmhouse.

Our Lords and Ladies of City Hall should give serious consideration to a comprehensive examination of our Codes and Ordinances and strike all that they cannot or will not enforce. To do anything less breeds [even greater] contempt for whatever shreds of authority and respect City Hall has been left with. Ditch the single family zoning designation--clearly not working--and to be honest, what else can a debt-ridden, underemployed, well-degreed millennial afford except a basement walkout? And Dunwoody is all about attracting millennials except when they're lip flapping about what great place this is to grow old and die. Then there is the home-based business. Residential Only should be hot on the heels of Single Family on the way out the door. Agriculture? Why not? Poultry...apiaries...vermiculture... Bring. It. On.

And these changes are possible. We do have an election and there are some contested races. This Zoning Thingy was a big deal when folks were pushing hard for a new city. Some of there very same folks now hold elected city office and what have they really done? Perhaps, where possible, it is time for an upgrade. 

Does Zoning Really Matter?

First, you have to give the bloke props for persistence. And he does have some respect, at least for his own property--"no pets."

Respect for zoning seems to be a distant and elusive concept.

But is it really [all] their fault?

Maybe not. Ordinances in daVille are "enforce on complaint" which does little to foster a culture of respect for the rules of the burg. But there is more. This is the same property that parked a barn right up against the back property line well within the setback buffer just outside a neighbor's garage. *

The City's response?

After-the-fact approval of the zoning violation.

Is operating multi-family rentals just a continuation of the same thinking? Are there connections in play? Is this yet another business the Mayor gladly welcomes to daVille? Or is it just one of the many commitments that were made to justify the founding of this City that remains unmet and ignored? Or is this what you get when your approach to code enforcement is "grease only the squeakiest wheel?"

When we teach people that rules are hardly even a suggestion we should not be surprised when they conclude that the only rule is there are no rules.




* To be fair, the owner does have the right to put an accessory building on the property and the non-compliant location made the barn least visible from the adjacent homeowner's deck. 

Good Renters Are Hard To Find

You would think that an advert right on Chamblee Dunwoody Road would bring in a lot of renters so you'd not see this sign often or for long.

You might also think it would attract the attention of someone at City Hall, perhaps someone in code enforcement. You would be wrong. Since this is not the first time this basement rental has appeared on the market there must be some special part of our zoning or a special dispensation from Smart City Hall.

City "Inspectors" Target Fairfield

A key tool in Dunwoody's anti-apartment apartheid efforts is strict code enforcement with special rules that apply to multi-family residences which the city defines as apartments and condominiums though in practice it seems to apply only to attached dwellings. Or perhaps there are no detached condominium communities in Dunwoody as there are in other locations.

This all started on April 12, 2010 when Council implemented the "Multi-Family Code Compliance Program" which requires both interior and exterior inspections of multi-family residential complexes. Consider for example a ramshackle condo like the Fairfield unit shown below.

Local news outlets have independently interviewed the Mayor and the City Manager both of whom confirm that all apartments and condominiums in the city are subject to the inspection program regardless of age of the complex or form of ownership.

So if it hasn't happened already city agents will soon be knocking on doors in Fairfield demanding entry to search the premises for "Code Compliance." No warrant necessary. All the while there could be any number of Code Compliance infractions right across the street at Magnolia Walk and this city cares not a whit as these detached clutter homes are separated by several feet. Two places within a short dog walk of one another but one is subjected to forced "inspections" and the other could have raw sewerage leaking into the basement without a care in the Wold.

Normally you would think that the City would "overlook" their responsibility to force inspections on homes as nice (and clearly well cared for) as those in Fairfield. And normally they would but the looming federal lawsuit that accuses the City of using code enforcement to harass undesirable apartments will have lawyers paying close attention to even the appearance that these codes are enforced in a less than even handed manner. It would not be surprising to find that lawyers advancing that case have made open records requests regarding the time and results of inspections of the Fairfield Condos as well as other communities throughout Dunwoody. Or maybe the City could help by putting a color-coded star on the front of each unit they inspect so the public will know what we have in our community. Isn't that what governments like these do?

Clearly City Hall believes this is a small price to ask of such a small number of our second class citizens if it means that Dunwoody can address the problem of apartments in our otherwise fair City.

Bank Operates In The Hole

There has been some confusion surrounding the siting of the Chase bank at the corner of Dunwoody Village Parkway and Chamblee Dunwoody Road in the heart of the Village. Some say it is situated "in a hole" and if one is standing on the sidewalk near the city-mandated, never-used park bench, the building does indeed sit below sidewalk level.

The problem is that folks have it all backwards. Literally. When you are looking from the CDR sidewalk you are actually looking at the back of the building. The picture below is of the actual front of the bank. Notice the porch, signage and those little things blocking the view...they are called "automobiles". These are often used by what business folk call "customers" in order to get to and from the place of business.

It is all the rage for governments to legislate how and where a business is allowed to put its own building on its own property. Dunwoody is neither unique nor unusual, but they have kicked it up a notch down to the Village requiring bike racks, park benches and lighting in addition to the signature "beige and brick" and the more commonly mandated sidewalk.  Whilst all the greenies are fawning over the "artists renditions" of folks perambulating up and down the sidewalks, some taking a brief respite on the bench and generally having a good ole time, businesses have been laboring diligently to make this nonsense workable.

And they did.

They were forced to situate the building near the "frontage road" (Chamblee Dunwoody) with parking "in the back". And to make this work they simply turned the building around so that from a functional point of view it is the back that faces Chamblee Dunwoody Road. The functional front is "in the back" where all the cars are parked. While they did dress up the functional back, don't be too surprised if the doors stay locked if only for security reasons. Still not convinced? Well, where is wheel-chair access located? Do you usually put handicap access as far as possible from the front door?

You can legislate all you want in an attempt to coerce your own brand of silliness, but businesses are going to do what they must in order to remain in business. Some folks maintain that the City should not have allowed this bank to be built in a hole, but the fact of the matter is that is exactly what the City insisted be done.

All Up In Your Business

The City of Dunwoody is preparing to go scatter-brained on us again taking up an issue that will  make the "Chicken Coup" look like an argument about the relative merits of Gerber over Blackwood. The issue at hand is whether to change existing ordinance to allow limited customer contact in residential areas for home-based businesses. The anti-business crowd is offering up unsubstantiated anecdotal "evidence" of the evils of these businesses while others, some who run home-based businesses, suggest this is an intentionally hysterical miss-characterization of modern SOHO business.

While there's enough silliness in our Smart City to make this really interesting there are some areas of common ground. Residential is residential, not retail and certainly not industrial. No signs, and especially no neon signs no matter how noble that gas. No heavy machinery, nor mining, nor noxious fumes. You cannot expect to run a creosote plant in your basement. So, to be clear: NO LEMONADE STANDS in any neighborhood. No slurp without a SLUP.

But then it gets really silly. The anti-business crowd uses the "N-word". No, not THAT N-word, the OTHER N-word. NUISANCE. They assert these businesses will all be nuisances. Cars coming and going. And stopping, perhaps to stay, perhaps for a day. And the deliveries. OMG! This will not be Christmas in July. They're talking deliveries week in, week out, maybe two, three times a week. Nuisance. Each and every one.

But with online shopping home deliveries are the new norm. And can friends or relatives not visit? Can you not host your brother AND your parents, each with separate cars or must they stay in a nearby hotel? What about for just a day? OK, maybe longer? On the nuisance scale how is that any different or if not different, lesser, than a potential customer dropping by to sign their tax returns? Both are rather seasonal aren't they? And what if this "customer" is also a friend and you gossip a bit over a coffee? Does the five minutes of "business" taint the entire encounter? What if you both attend DUMC? Does that make it better?

Or suppose you are hosting the weekly bridge night. Six other couples, probably THREE cars. Is this more or less of a nuisance than that customer stopping by at 10AM? Is the city going to shut the game down because there are three cars parked on the street? Or only if you host it every week? Or, no, because this isn't business (if you believe that you've not played bridge).

Then there is the other, heretofore unmentioned classification: office. Residential isn't office. Or is it? Anybody out there telecommute? Show of hands. Good. Now just the "smart" folks. Amazing isn't? Look at all the folks in Dunwoody who telecommute. Especially all the smart ones. Where do you suppose they sit whilst telecommuting? Oh, right, that would be what is in the vernacular a "Home Office". But telecommuting is not really "a business in Dunwoody" or the City would be demanding payment of the occupation tax on the percentage of top line revenue based on the employee contribution and percentage of home-based work, wouldn't they?

And it is telecommuting that offers a perfectly legal solution to the problem some seek to solve by going off the grid, though they will find that running their business without a license won't work. While this City may not have the wherewithall to publish radar sign data, rest assured they will get the Georgia Secretary of State's records and track your ass down. And "don't ask, don't tell" relies on a City policy of "Enforce Upon Complaint", which while this is defacto City Chicken policy, it is an incredibly bad policy and is probably unreliable as well.

So you may not be able to set up "corporate headquarters" in your home office, but you could telecommute. All you have to do is move your business to a "suite". You know, like the ones at PostNet. Just make sure it is not in THIS city. You'll want to "re-locate" to a nearby area, say, perhaps, Gwinnett county. Close. Lower taxes. Less hassle. And you get to tell City Hall to PUFO because you're no longer running a home-based business in Dunwoody. Just ask the Secretary of State for the mailing address of the corporation. That puts you off their radar because you are working for company located in unincorporated Gwinnett and you telecommute. A lot.

Oh, and if a "business associate" happens to stop by for a Cup o' Joe, well that was just a pleasant chat now wasn't it?

Dunwoody 2.0

At the end of the day, Dunwoody 1.0 as well as 1.1, the failed "Bug Fix" release, will go down as the "Spend All We Have, Then Borrow More" version of the city. The silent majority, the sixty five percent who either did not vote or voted against cityhood have awakened, and by rejecting the parks bonds clearly indicated the days of Dunwoody's pre-existing power structure "flitting others' perfume" is over. But the Spend-Alls did not leave without getting in a few sucker punches.

We were treated to a protracted pas de deux around the apparently pre-arranged purchase of an empty office building, owned by the same party that anticipated quite the windfall from the parks bonds. Believing these to be two separate, completely disjoint, arms-length negotiations is more than even Polly Ann can handle. The second rabbit punch was the approval the CVB budget including their move into the most expensive office space in Dunwoody--the Ravinia. So now we own vacant office space and rather than move the CVB there, to the benefit of all, well, the Spend-All Team preferred to piss away more money.

And those in the community worried about a return to the ways of D-1.0 must be vigilant. Some of the Spend-All Team remain and those new to office have not been tested by the temptation of spending Other People's Money. The city has also proven to be not quite as smart as they would like us to believe. Case in point: the plan to create Parks Under the Power Lines. Problem is, the wizards at city hall either didn't realize or didn't care that this was private property. Owned by city residents. Who, not surprisingly, did know and did care.

From the very beginning, D-2.0 will be challenged to show a degree of wisdom and foresight that eluded their predecessor. D-2.0 must take up the challenge of rewriting our zoning. As noted elsewhere there is much silliness in the existing documents, as authored by D-1.0, and an equal portion of care must be applied to handling this effort lest the impact of that inferior team be felt for years to come. It may turn out that the effort should be postponed indefinitely, but if pursued due consideration should be given to discarding the existing documents.

If D-2.0 is to succeed, it might look to the DeKalb Schools for guidance. Really. After finally changing guard, the new superintendent is making significant staff changes to address the culture that created the problems she inherited. Low hanging fruit includes "Friends and Family", those overpaid staffers who hold a position because of who they know, rather than what they know or what they can do. Dunwoody 2.0 should follow suite and purge City Hall of F&F staffers.

Park It

Please quit with the "we need more green space" blather. It is unadulterated crap. And we probably don't even need the baseball fields we have let alone any more so let's just cut to the chase.

The Mr. Hyde side of the City seems consumed by lust over other people's money and getting their chance to spend it. A city councilman was quoted in the AJC referring not only to the pre-committed purchase but others as well saying, "With $27 million left [...] we can go shopping." Wow! Did someone elect a pre-pubescent teenage girl to city council and does she think she's at the mall with daddy's credit card?

Our version of Dr. Jekyll in the land grab debate argues this is a buyer's market, and we should act before the situation changes though it doesn't look like it will for some time. Acting soon doesn't mean you cannot or should not negotiate a better price nor does it mean that every bit of property is a good buy. And Bill Grant, who knows a thing or two about buying up Dunwoody property, has suggested that as the "only buyer" Dunwoody could negotiate a better price and shouldn't rush into anything. While he does have a vested interest in the availability of undeveloped property in Dunwoody, he also has a point. 

But timing the market is not the real issue at hand. A high ranking city official was once quoted by one of his friends as saying "We formed the city too late. Too many apartments are already here." Well, maybe, and maybe not.

Clearly the Pipe Farm purchase was to prevent the completion of an already in-progress apartment complex. The Shallowford Hospital property is most appropriate for high density housing rather than upscale dining, technology incubators, Rodeo Drive retail, or even parks. But god and voting taxpayers willing, Dunwoody will take that off the market as well.

Now is a perfect time to put it to a vote. Homeowners, even in Dunwoody, cannot quickly turn their property and certainly not at the price they want. Imagine if they could. Wouldn't any sane homeowner sell, move out and up, to an area where prices have not held up, and get a bigger, newer home and better schools? Since they cannot or will not move, paying to build a moat, albeit a green space moat, is suddenly an attractive alternative, even given you would be instituting a tax that will never go away and eliminating other sources of revenue.

So the referendum for purchasing property presents a simple question to folks in Dunwoody:

"How much will you pay to keep those other people out"?

Three Million Dollars!

You will be thrilled to learn that the City of Dunwoody is considering slashing the budget line item for the Donaldson-Chestnut farm from $2,945,000.00 to $1,500,000.00.

We've really dodged a bullet there.

Seriously folks, three million dollars! Of course, since this would be borrowed money, by the time we, the taxpayers finish paying down the bond, it will be six million dollars.

For that amount of money we should be able to move that farmhouse, THE farmhouse, the Spruill Center House, all the outbuildings and that faux thoroughbred horse farm fence over to Brook Run. We could even throw in that railroad Station House formerly housing the Chamber of Commerce. If we do that we should go dig up that rail car wheel buried over on Spalding as proof there really was a railway here.

Or better yet, move it all to the "Pipe Farm" on the south side, creating a "Historic Village of Dunwoody" as a gateway to the city. Plumbing is in, roads are there, though some can be removed. Just needs the buildings moved in and some landscaping. And what better place for a community garden?

Then we can sell off the Spruill and Donaldson properties to developers and get these back on the tax rolls. Surely developers would drool over prime real estate in the Perimeter Mall area, though DeKalb might want to build a school there. And we simply must enlist our Most Favored Developer to throw down some million dollar clutter homes on the Donaldson property creating a nice chunk of change on the income side of the City ledger. A real estate office, no, a bank would look quite nice where the Station House sits. That area needs more banks. The Farmhouse land would make a great round-about. Perhaps we can move the Dunwoody Obelisk from the churchyard on Roberts to a micro park in the center of the circle.

We need to "Start Getting Smart*" about our finances. Surely these options are better than flitting three million dollars of taxpayer money on someone's nostalgic trip down "Farmhouse Lane" in a city that bans urban poultry.

Dunwoody Organ Out of Tune

It is not surprising that it took a violin teacher to point this out.

In the event you are new to Dunwoody there have been fewer issues more contentious than individuals providing private music lessons in their homes. You might also be unaware that musicians are generally what we mere mortals consider "perfectionists". They have to be. See, if you blow five percent of the notes in a thousand note piece you'll get boo-ed off the stage, and rightly so. In any other area of endeavor ninety five percent correct is considered a solid A.

What we've seen recently is these two worlds colliding.

The teacher, wanting to do the right thing and do it the right way, followed the procedure for obtaining a Special Land Use Permit (SLUP) for her home business. She did everything required, including posting notice in the Official Dunwoody Organ.

That's where things fell apart--based on performance to date, Dunwoody would be awarded a Gentleman's 'C' far from an eighty, let alone a ninety five. And it is by the City's own admission that the Official Organ is declared inadequate as this particular petition requires a county-wide notice. Sadly this tired old parlor pump organ we picked up from a deceased relative is not only out of tune it seems to be missing entire registers.

And what should happen now? Well, one frustrated citizen just got an object lesson in "layers of government" and we have learned once again that folks down at Smart City Hall didn't even read ordinances they wrote and voted into law.  There is one thing we can be certain of--that the City Organist will not replace the Official Organ.  Instead look for him to rewrite the score so we can continue to limp along with the decrepit old instrument of yesteryear. And everyone in the recital hall will applaud. They must all be deaf.

Alison's Restaurant

Anyone visiting the Shops of Dunwoody will surely notice one business set apart from the others--Alison's Restaurant. In a shopping center littered with neon "Open" signs--even our local haberdasher has one--Alison's is notably absent. Why? Glad you asked.

Seems the "Smart People" on our "Smart City" Council have deemed neon signs offensive to their sensibilities and henceforth there shall be no new neon signs even though by the looks of it the previous policy must have required neon signs. And with their unwavering "fidelity to all things past" still intact, existing neon signs are "grandfathered" so only new businesses are at a competitive disadvantage.

If you're one of those who agree with their position regarding ticky-tacky neon you probably view this is an unfortunate consequence of an effort to upgrade the classiness of the area. Until you dig further.

As Ms. Alison herself observed in a recent encounter she could "stand out front in a chicken suit waving a placard" but she cannot have the same "Open" sign as her neighbors. Because that would be tacky. And should she embark on the chicken waving tactic she should be forewarned that she cannot use any balloons, as that is tres ta-KAY. Unless of course you happen to be her landlord, in which case you could stand outside the now closed Mudcatz in a clown outfit with balloons by the bunch. Because...that's not tacky?

Normally this is where a TOD post ends, with an entreaty to patronize Alison's as an act of courage, to join with other patriotic Dunwoodians in defiance of the draconian dictators running our oppressive government. And indeed you should, but as it happens that is not the only reason. It turns out Alison's is an excellent addition to our local dining options.

Obviously Alison's is new, not just to our community but inside as well. They have completely refurbished the interior retaining only the basic layout of the previous establishment. The cuisine is Mediterranean-Italian, the menu extensive, the prices on the moderate side and the food on the plate excellent. The atmosphere immediately impresses as upscale with linens, stainless and china. The fresh decor uses muted tones with faux stucco to subtly hint at the mediterranean cuisine, but not clumsily done as is all too common. The lighting and music are consistent with the romance of "An Affair to Remember"--sconces with a mid-century look and a playlist including Billie Holliday, Sinatra and straight ahead jazz. The main dining room is spacious, a good mix of booths and tables, and unlike another local option these booths are well suited to persons of, shall we say, a "certain gravitas". The main dining room is augmented by an outside patio to the front and opens to a narrow area at back with the bar on one side and seating against the opposite wall.

The bar is full service and the wine list offers a good selection, and while it is no challenge to D'Vine's, no restaurant should even attempt to be. The food, at least in one visit (consider this a critical amuse bouche rather than a multi-visit full-toque review), was well above average and a bargain for the price. The menu may not be as experimental or trendy as others, but few can match Alison's execution.

Their calamari is of the "onion ring" variety which would not be remarkable except that it was properly fried which based on other local offerings is not as easy as one would imagine. But what really takes this appetizer to the next level is the marinara sauce which is far better than offered anywhere else in Dunwoody. Then there is the crab cake: lump white meat, sweet and succulent and unburdened by any unnecessary ingredients. A generous portion is elegantly served surrounded by a butter sauce streaked with hot sauce, allowing the diner to dial in just right amount of heat to complement the buttery sweetness of the crab.

The Steak Alambre features marinated skirt steak that is flavorful, but not dominant. The onions are perfectly caramelized, and the bell pepper is cooked al dente, something that seems to elude even the most seasoned cooks. The Lobster Ravioli, a signature dish, was properly portioned and as with all other dishes excellently prepared. This dish boasts a vodka cream sauce and as good as the lobster is, this sauce was to die for. That in one meal, the kitchen can knock three sauces right out of the park, tells you that someone at Alison's really knows what they're doing.

The topper was an ample pair of sensuous Buttery Nipples that tantalize the tongue and sate the most ardent of cravings. There is truly no better way to round out the night.

Rural Assault Continues

In recent weeks the "Wendell Douglas" crowd has ramped up their terrorist attacks against suburban sensibilities. Rebounding from a stinging loss during the "Chicken Coup" they have regrouped and are now engaging in a Land-Sea-Air Assault: backyard aqua-culture, suburban "over-farming" and apiaries.

Yes indeed, right here in DeKalb County, of which, to date, Dunwoody is still a part, we have folks raising catfish and talipia in backyards. Lord knows you're one leak away from a smelly mess, and those bird-eating waterfowl leave little bombs on neighbors' cars as they flee with their bounty.

Yet another eco-terrorist has radicalized the suburban garden by eliminating his lawn in favor of vegetables. Say it isn't so! Can there be any greater insult to a "Yard of the Month" obsessed community? But DeKalb County, in a rare display of support for anything Dunwoody, has put a stop to this vegan anarchist, levying fines for this gent's clearly illegal operation and his arrogant disregard for the rule of law. Protection from the illegal fish farm cannot be far behind.

Farther afield, we have a self-indulgent beekeeper who has virtually destroyed his neighbor's quality of life. They are no longer even able to enjoy an adult beverage by their pool! Again, that county's Code Enforcers came to the community's rescue, forcing out the bees by cleverly branding them "livestock".City Council take note.

While many would like to avoid the necessary controversy surrounding a potential replay of the "Chicken Wars", Dunwoodians cannot be complacent. These looming quality of life endangerments will have greater impact on our daily lives than any road resurfacing, sidewalk or traffic calming problems. We must act and act now! As a first step towards ensuring the integrity of our neighborhoods the City must show citizens that they mean business--the bees at the Dunwoody Nature Center must go! Then and only then can we take swift legislative action to ensure our community does not suffer from an invasion of fish, vegetables and bees.

Reading the Chicken Entrails

There is much we mere subjects of City Hall can glean from the Great Chicken Debate going on in Warren's World. The superficial topic at hand is whether or not we, the Serfs of Dunwoody, should be allowed more than three live chickens per household as is allowed under current city law.

The debate ostensibly centers around whether the limit should be increased or if this trend towards sustainable poultry will have Dunwoody smelling like a farm instead of just having the image of one on all our signage.

On the "pro" side are council members who lean a bit towards individual freedom and property rights, and who also seem aware of the extensive information and products supporting urban (not just suburban, but URBAN) chicken and egg production for home consumption.

The "con" supporters base their argument on childhood experiences from which they've gleaned that chickens stink and make noise. This isn't the best of arguments but let's give these retired chicken ranchers a good hear.

First we'll ignore the import of the "urban" observation made previously. Then we'll accept the fact that chickens create some stink and hens do indeed cluck. We'll ignore those little nuggets of fertilizer left by the neighbor's dog and we'll consider song birds, well, sonorous. But let's not ignore the fact that everyone in Dunwoody doesn't live in a condo, or a McMansion or a clutter-home. Some folks have yards. Some folks have big yards, some even bigger than their house. Who knew? It would seem obvious to allow those with lots above a certain, reasonable size, say 1/3 acre, a bit of say so regarding their own property and constrain smaller lots to the current restriction with exceptions by way of SLUPs.

Given such a simple solution that protects the individual freedom and property rights on both sides of the issue, on might conclude this is about something other than chickens.  Perhaps what we're seeing is much more important than backyard eggs.

We've been presented with a clear separation between those who support individual rights and those acting like frustrated refugees from a powerless home owners association who can now ram their rules down our throats. Perhaps if some of these folks had mucked out a few stables instead of feeding chickens we would have fewer horse-shit ordinances.

Dunwoody Diversity

Let's be honest here, Dunwoody cannot really be characterized as a champion of diversity. Not before cityhood, and certainly not since--just look at the demographic makeup of the city council. Or city administration. Or the police force. Or...

So when folks in Dunwoody talk about diversity, they're talking age diversity--they're talking old farts. Specifically themselves. Actually, they're talking about themselves in the future tense, denial being what it is and all. And these discussions usually boil down to "Assisted Living" facilities.

One view of these is that they are a deceitful way to introduce high density into a suburban setting. And we all know what high density means. Bad Things[tm].

Another view, that of the aging Dunwoodian who did not adequately prepare for retirement at St. Simons, is they are wonderful things allowing life long Dunwoodians (approximately 3.2% of the current population) to remain Dunwoodians until their timely demise. They tout the wonderful addition old farts make to the community. After all, were it not for the blue hairs, who would attend council and zoning meetings? And who would give us those fifteen minutes of quiet time in queue at the post office drop off? These folks not only keep Wednesday grocery shopping cheap, they often fill the audience at local plays, and offer many opportunities for high schools students to pad resume's with "community service" activities. It's like having little self-storage facilities chock full of grandparents.

So what about the non-demented elderly? Has anybody bothered to ask them? You know who they are: the ones who can choose where to live rather than those moved close to a guilt-ridden child who "needs them nearby to take care of them" (translate: wheel 'em out on holidays so the kids have quality time with gramps which is probably about all the quality time gramps can handle).

Probably not, because anyone who has lived in the 'burbs for any length of time comes to understand this universal truth: suburbs are places dedicated to the worship of children. Every old fart out there knows this and most will gladly share the insight.

This is the way it should be, which is convenient since it's the way it is. And just because suburbs are great places to raise kids doesn't make them ideal for your golden years. Au contraire.


After all, who, who doesn't already have to, wants to put up with soccer moms? Nobody, especially not old farts. Not when they clog streets in their SUVs schlepping the buggers to school. Not when they're at "Ladies Night Out" fawning over some local bartender's exaggerated British accent, tempting him with cleavage that probably violates a city ordinance. And certainly not when they drag their little demons out to restaurants way past their bedtimes when all you want to do is enjoy one of the few nice evenings out left in your allotment.

Then there is the incessant public whining about schools--like they really matter. And the taxes fer crissakes. Why would anyone on a fixed income want to pay the outrageous taxes these incredibly dysfunctional schools demand? And we won't even discuss what having schools littering the city does to concealed carry. Then we have laws and ordinances designed to protect children from themselves and even the remote possibility of exposure to anything deemed "mature". The kind of things that keep old farts' memories alive.

Why would any adult without school age children put up with all this? The answer is: they wouldn't. At least if they can afford not to.

So do we, as a city, want to create public policy that expands this "age diversity" or should we stay true to the mission, the reality of suburban living? Truth be told, what we really want is enough old fart warehousing to support the needs of a demographic that started a family late and now finds itself wedged between raising children and "caring" for the elders. We have enough of that already.