Soft Pine Cones

It is widely known that down here in the Southland we love our guns. What may be less widely recognized is how much we love our dogs. Of course this leads to a small problem, often quite a few small problems, referred to in polite company as "soft pine cones".  When folks come to visit it is just plain good manners to give them a head's up on where they might run across one of these soft pine cones. Especially if they bring rugrats that insist on "playing" in the yard. 

As you are probably aware DeKalb County and the entire metro area has more than it's share of political soft pine cones. Fortunately we have a local warning system as well. 

Jeff Dickerson. 

Where ever you find Jeff D. you're gonna find a whole heapin' mess of soft pine cones. Whenever he's the spokesperson for a cause or an organization you certainly do not want get caught downwind and if at all possible you want put as much distance, real and political, between yourself and his pile du jour. If he happens to be on your payroll, you're in some profoundly deep doo-doo, but you probably know that already.  And when he goes all arrogant cranking the volume on his screamin' ninny up to eleven then literally and figuratively it is all over but the shouting. 

So if you want to go out and play in your political backyard, look around first and if you see Jeff D. you just might want to stay home.

Urgent Care Needed

Really?

Now that all the TSPLOST whining has degenerated into whimpering it seems reasonable to ask a simple question:

What made this a crisis?

Anyone who's lived in the metro region for more than five years knows a few things. Traffic here is pretty bad. You're one wreck away from an extra hour tacked on to a thirty minute commute. Most folks "ain't from around here" and where they're from they send their worst first. MARTA sucks. Always has, always will. Local politicians are as corrupt as they come and are second only to their greedy business cronies. Hartsfield[1] serves as proof that power corrupts and that with adequate cashflow even corruption can appear to work. Sometimes.

What we don't know is how a chronic condition, one we had learned to live with, one that had gone into a very limited remission suddenly became critical. Why 2012? Why not 2006, ten years after the Olympics when the shine had gone all patina? Why not Y2K? If you believe the loudmouth who was pumping the TSPLOST nothing has been done on GA400 and I-285 since 1972, so why not the mid-eighties?

The answer is simple and unsurprising. The Feds are cutting back on the money they will dole out to Atlanta to prop up the Georgia DOT and other local interests. And we've become addicted to Fed Funding. Intentionally. And it's not like we have used these funds wisely. We've sqandered it to keep gasoline taxes artificially low, avoid applying impact fees to address the costs associated with development and hand out tax abatements like candy. That kind of hedonistic, drug addled thinking has put us in such a precarious position that the tiniest reduction in Fed Funds pushes us from chronic but manageable to critical, near death.




[1] @TOD we've not tacked on the "Jackson" as we're not sure whether that is about Jesse, Maynard, or Michael.

TSPLOST: Pure Genius

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them."
-- Albert Einstein

Don't give the people who created Atlanta's problems more of your money. They will make the problems worse and are intellectually unequipped to make anything better.

TSPLOST: It's About Trust

We already know it isn't about traffic, it isn't about congestion relief and it isn't about the right way to do the right thing.

It is all about trust.

Do you, as a voter, trust the folks who are pushing for approval? Do you trust the folks who will collect the tax? Do you trust the folks who will take that money and "use" it? Do you trust the folks that will "oversee" these operations?

Do you trust that any of the money you will be asked to pay will do any good?

TSPLOST: Just Plain Silly

TSPLOST is a sales tax and one would like to think that would be it. Plain and simple. Tax on every sale. You buy something -- you pay the penny. But nothing created by the losers who cooked up this plan can be anything but cocked up.

While this sales tax does apply to milk, bread and aspirin, it does have at least one notable exemption. Gasoline!

So we have before us an initiative alleged to address all our traffic woes and the one group not asked to pay their fair share are drivers.

Folks, you simply cannot make this up. No sir, something this silly requires the unholy alliance of greedy developers and self-serving businesses whose hands are firmly wedged up the arses of sock puppet politicians.

TSPLOST: Get Your Story Straight

Unless you've been Rip Van Winkled you cannot help but notice the $8Million carpet bombing of media adverts in support of TSPLOST. These suffer not only from the overall flexibility of the message -- "It's about congestion...no, no...it's about trains...no, no...it really IS about development" -- but more importantly the messages are self contradictory.

In one advert we're told "The Yankees are comin! The Yankees are comin!" and that it is inevitable that the region's population will grow by "X" million over a mere "Y" years. It's like a cancer that just won't go into remission no matter how hard we don't try. They're coming and they can't be stopped. Therefore, and here's the hook, we just MUST pass this sales tax to handle the onslaught!

But in a competing advert we're told something quite different. We're told that Charlotte, Dallas, Houston, Jacksonville, and a host of other third tier American cities[1] are going to clean our clocks and steal away any hope we have of continued growth. THIS is presented as the uncontestable reason we MUST pass this sales tax -- if we don't then growth will pass us by!

REALLY??!!!???? Puhleeze. Get your story straight. These garbled, contradictory messages have us wondering not WHICH of these two fools are experts on the issue, but whether the TSPLOST-ers have any expertise at all.

Seems like the pro-taxers are hellbent on getting this thing pushed through and will prostitute themselves in the most obscene ways to make it happen. But just because they're tax whores doesn't mean the voters are all DFCs.

---

[1]Yes, you must set aside the prevaricating politicians' pontifications about Atlanta being an "international city" in which case we should be competing with the likes of Tokyo, Paris, London, Bejing, Sidney, ... and not "Ship Dit, Alabama". Golly how the truth doth out.

TSPLOST: Untying the Nots

As the TSPLOST vote nears we know more about TSPLOST, particularly what TSPLOST is NOT about.

TSPLOST is NOT about Atlanta traffic, NOT about improving Atlanta traffic and definitely NOT about congestion relief.

TSPLOST is NOT about a world class public transit system, NOT about adequate arterials and definitely NOT about bypasses to address unnecessary thru traffic.

TSPLOST is NOT about redress to years of infrastructure neglect born of short sighted politicians, greedy developers and whoring businesses.

TSPLOST is NOT about improving your quality of life and NOT about making Atlanta a better place to live.

And finally, TSPLOST is absolutely without a doubt NOT about you.

TSPLOST: All Show and No Go

Recent reporting in the AJC has revealed the true reasons behind this TSPLOST movement and it certainly is not about traffic in and around Atlanta. 

A site relocation consultant is quoted as saying "who wants to be in an area where you don't do anything about this sort of issue?" Exactly what issue? Given the state of the local economy, especially the jobless rate, traffic is not as bad as the boom years. So this "issue" is largely made up by the Tax and Transit forces behind TSPLOST.

A Georgia bureaucrat makes the big reveal. "If TSPLOST doesn't pass [...] it's going to limit growth for Georgia." Another Atlanta dignitary decries the alleged competitive disadvantage: "They'll continue selling against us, but they'll compound that message by saying that our community can't get its act together." Spot on there. If we had ever had our "act together" we'd not have kicked this can so far down the road.

So it is really all about PR and "messaging". We simply must let it be known that Atlantan's will do anything, make any sacrifice--even a regressive tax on every resident--to keep businesses coming, because a slow in growth would expose the decades old ponzi scheme we've been running.

Golly how the truth will out.

Trust

Trust is earned, not bought.

This appears beyond the understanding of Georgia's Governor who on the eave of the TSPLOST vote has announced a "date certain" for eliminating the Georgia 400 tolls. Naturally this "date certain" is so far in the future that the good Guv might easily backslide on this commitment just as he has in the past.

His campaign platform included a pledge to hold down taxes and eliminate the Ga 400 toll which had been reinstated during the run-up to the election. Had he sincerely wished to earn our trust he would have abolished the 400 tolls in his first week in office, allocating other funds to retire the bonds. Instead he now uses this political side show to mask his support for another new tax, a regressive tax, after coming under fire for failing on his "no taxes" pre-election commitment.  Based on what we've seen from this administration the voters in Georgia passed up the opportunity for  trustworthy, credible governance when we took a pass on Karen Handel.

And let's be very clear. If you take Ga 400 downtown you had better have some change in your pocket, because the toll is still in effect. And based on this politician's ability to hew true to his own promises the smart money says it will be in effect forever.

TSPLOST: You Lose

Since unlike Atlantans most of us will get back many fewer dollars than we will pay in TSPLOST taxes it seems like we would be better off just paying to fix our own problems instead of buying choo-choos and playgrounds for the little boys and girls in the A-T-L.

When TSPLOST Wins, Atlanta Wins

And you lose.

See, the City of Atlanta is the only constituent of its region that will see more money flow in than its residents and visitors will pay out. This is particularly egregious insult to the rest of the region when one considers the amount of sales tax collected in the City of Atlanta that comes from folks who live elsewhere. Atlanta is all take and little give.

So if you are a resident of Atlanta proper, you win big on the TSPLOST lotto. If you don't, well, now you know how THEY can afford trolleys and beltline projects.

TSPLOST: A VERY Hard Sell

This isn't (just) about the incessant barrage of nonsensical Pro-TSPLOST ads on TV. The folks behind this tax and spend boondoggle are so desperate they've added an promotional advertisement right on the ballot.

Now if J. Q. Public went to the polls sporting a "No TSPLOST" tee shirt or button, he (or she) would be hauled off for violating the ad-free zone. But these fools get their ad on the ballot. Now to be fair ballot issue language has always had a favorable, manipulative and even deceptive tone, but this is way over the top, literally and figuratively.

Do you ever wonder why these folks are so desperate?

TSPLOST: Not About Transportation

If you don't already know this, you really must be bereft of what little sense god gave a pigeon to s(h)it on a statue, but the TSPLOST is about "transportation" in name only.

And now it is official.

In a recent commentary in the Dunwoody Reporter a local (wannabe?) politician declares it an investment "in our childrens'(sic) future".

He posits that a "no" vote declares us incapable of "attracting industries supporting higher paying jobs". OK, big boy, HIGHER than what? Than the illegal, lo siento, "undocumented" worker changing toilet paper in the hotel? Wow.

Are we really sure that high paying jobs rely on ground transport more than low paying jobs? REALLY??!! Telecommute, perhaps? Seriously, do that many high-wage "industries" really require a ground based transportation infrastructure? And if so, perhaps these simply are no longer appropriate for this region. The inn is full.

But it continues: "a 'yes' vote means we will be competitive to take on any region, anywhere". Now that's just unadulterated balderdash. Compete on exactly which playing field and by what rules? Are we in a competition to build more roads than LA or sprawl wider than Mexico City? Create more stacked and twisty intersections? More cul de sacs? Well, maybe the last one.

See, this is not and has never been about transportation, congestion or you getting more time with your family. We're not untying any knots here and we're not getting anything to improve our quality of life. It is about our addiction to growth and satisfying our ugly, destructive habit. And like any other druggie we'll commit heinous criminal acts to feed our demons. This tax is just one of many.

But this is more than just a habit and on this point the politico is correct. We have mortgaged everything...our present, our future and yes, our children's future...on ever escalating growth. Not just growth, but growth of growth without regard to the base for that growth or the consequences of that growth. This is the ultimate in unsustainability (witness the housing bubble) but in desperation the powers that wannabe in this region wannabe on their growth binge just a little bit longer.

Then they're cashing out and retiring to St. Simons.

Call To The Altar

Then there were those Baptisms—that's when someone wants to be converted by joining the Church and get religion. So they have to be Baptized. Dig this—I remember one Sunday the Church had a great big guy they had to Baptize. So these Deacons all standing in this river—in water up to their waist in their white robes. They had Baptized several women and a few men—saved their Souls. When in walks a great big burly sinner who came down the line. So—these Deacons whom were very strong themselves, they grabbed hold of this cat and said to him as they ducked him down into the water, as they let him they asked him—"Brother 'do you believe?" The guy didn't say anything—just looked at them. So they ducked him down into that river again, only they held him down there a few minutes longer. So when the Deacons looked in the guy's eye and said to him—"Do you believe?" This guy finally answered—he said "Yes—I believe you Son of Bitches trying to drown me."

Satchmo
Louis Armstrong

Down to the Wholly Sanctified Church of the Congestion Congregation the Righteous Reverend T. S. Plost is holdin a gawd fearin Revival. There's gonna be a heapin helpin o singin and praisin alongside a few good doses of hellfire and damnation. Lawd a mercy.

For this is a great call to the altar, the likes of which we ain't never gonna see again in a decade or more. Maybe even less. And this is more that just a sweltering summer savin of souls--the Reverend gonna be drivin out demons. Puttin the fear of gawd into the devil hisself. Those caught up in the moment will feel the power of his call and will deliver themselves up at that altar with a joyful noise.

Testify.

Those possessed of evil will be dragged by his Deacons to the presence of our Most Righteous Reverend who with the power of the Lord herself flowin through his every vein will lay on hands and drive that devil out, casting him into a dark place far from that promised land where all good things flow without end. After regaining consciousness these newly vacated vessels will be filled with his glory, forevermore protecting them from the evil that threatened their everlastin life. Or at least til the next revival. Without fail and without delay these freshly baptized believers shall go forth into the community spreading the gospel according to our Righteous Reverend T. S. Plost.

Ernest Angley would be proud.

Articles of Faith

It all came from the Old Sanctified Churches. I can remember—way back in the old days in New Orleans, La—my home town. And I was a little boy around ten years old. My mother used to take me to Church with her, and the Reverend (Preacher that is) used to lead off one of those good ol good hymns. And before you realized it—the whole congregation would be wailing—singing like mad and sound so beautiful. I being a little boy that would "Dig" everything and everybody, I'd have myself a ball in Church, especially when those Sisters would get so carried away while "Rev" (the preacher) would be right in the middle of his sermon. Man those Church Sisters would begin shouting so—until their petticoats would fall off. Of course one of the Deacons would rush over and grab her—hold her in his arms and fan her until she'd come to.

Satchmo
Louis Armstrong

There's a special kind of faith running through the Atlanta region. It's called "The Faith" and you need to be gettin you some and you better be keeping it. But lord knows, it ain't easy. See, you must have The Faith to keep The Faith and you must get The Faith to have The Faith. And whilst that may sound simple, just where will you go to get The Faith? Happily--nay, joyously--it is being passed out by none other than the Most Righteous Reverend T. S. Plost of the Wholly Sanctified Church of the Congestion Congregation, Atlanta Regional Bishopric.

And The Faith will change your life. In a good way. Just ask the Righteous Reverend--he'll tell you. Or better yet drop in on any service, hear the man speak and let the spirit move you, because that is the only one and true way to get The Faith. You got to get it in you and to get it in you you better be gettin on down to The Church and hearin for yourself. Listen to how the power of The Faith will restore your family and cure your ill health. How, when The Faith is strong in you the pains you have long endured will be washed from your daily travail like red clay from white carpet. How your visions of streets of gold will be fulfilled and how these heavenly streets will transport you to a better place--a better life. Your every need, your every want will be fulfilled and you will see a heaven you can only enter, an everlasting life you can only enjoy, when The Faith is in you.

As you're listening and learning of the healing power of The Faith pay close attention for when that Most Righteous Reverend whispers from the pulpit that you must "render unto Caesar those things which are Caesar's" you should respond with no more than a whispered "amen".  But when he raises his voice to heaven declaring that you must "render unto the Church, THIS Church, those things that are God's"--and God knows he means your money--you should raise your voice in prayerful acknowledgement of His Righteousness. And no mere "amen brother" will suffice as the choir in nodding approval will be singing the amen chorus. The Congregational response can be no less that shouts of "Hallelujah!" But be not tempted to speak in Tongues as that is reserved for the call to the altar though standing is allowed as it facilitates removal of wallets for the plate that is about to pass.

And you should know that in the Church of Congestion, as in any other church, The Faith cannot be bought. It can only be rented. Therefore in keeping The Faith you must ensure that each time you attend, you attend with cash. In increasing amounts. For whilst The Faith, often substituting for knowledge and wisdom, is competitively priced it is subject to inflation and unannounced price increases. And be not dismayed if your offering ranks among the least for unlike Reverend Ike who once said "Change makes your minister nervous in the service" our Most Righteous Reverend T. S. Plost welcomes with equal enthusiasm the widow's pence, your pocket change as well as foldin money. His Deacons are more than happy to roll all those coins into the billions of dollars needed to start his ministry.

And never forget the first article of The Faith: your mission is to keep The Faith. Let the dear Reverend take care of your money.

Set My MARTA Free!

Here is a radical idea that has been floating around section 8 housing for a quite a few years now:

make MARTA train and bus services totally free to anyone. 

Turns out the idea has some merit if tackled properly.

Given we're about to engage in a TSPLOST Train Wreck that primarily serves a few already rich developers perhaps establishing a comprehensive region wide "No Fare" public transportation system may not be so silly after all. Is it really any sillier than the "Train to Lovejoy", a revival of the archaic concept of streetcars or the Atlanta beltline project?

This warrants some serious consideration.

Suppose travelers to Atlanta could get off a plane, pick up their bags and hop right on the train without buying a breeze card, without the "how do you swipe this card" delay, and without negotiating baggage through those goofy swinging gates. That would set Atlanta ahead and above all major passenger hubs in the world in both convenience and service.

To make this work several important things must happen.

The State must step up to the plate with a funding mechanism that leverages regional assets to build out a world class system. After all, this is the same region that is being lobbied to mindlessly vote for the TSPLOST for a patchwork of studies that will lead nowhere but to more taxes. Grow up--get real. It's time for the legislature to put some "big boy" pants on and state for the record that Atlanta regional transportation is important to the entire state. Just like the port at Savannah or an auto plant in west Georgia.

MARTA must go away. And GRTA. And the Cobb and the Gwinnett and the Clayton bus systems.

Expanding MARTA's role will not work as MARTA suffers from a well-deserved, region-wide negative brand image. When authorizing MARTA, the state wisely restricted the budget to a fifty-fifty split between operations and capital expenditures, suspecting that MARTA would become pretty much what it is today. Since then MARTA has played fast and loose with the rules (e.g., selling capital equipment and leasing it back) to divert funds to operations justifying the original wariness of the State.

It is also viewed, again with reasonable justification, as a jobs program for a particular demographic and we are not likely to see a top MARTA official that does not meet that profile.

This has had an expected and very tangible impact on service. While MARTA may attract the best available from an artificially small selection, they do not seek the best overall talent. This has created a sense of entitlement amongst the employees who, knowing they will not be fired, see no reason to make on-time service Job One. Or Job NONE for that matter. It has become so bad that it is no longer unusual for the first train leaving the North Springs station to leave late! And MARTA is not alone--over the years we have witnessed the (mis)management of the Atlanta Airport which operates under the same model. We won't even start with the school systems.

We must have a single, region wide agency responsible for all transportation in the area. There must be a single throat to choke, a single agency to manage, a single agency to be held accountable. And "all transportation"  includes the 800 lb gorilla, the Atlanta Airport, as well as other, often overlooked airports like PDK (which is the second busiest in the state). This agency must also be responsible for all surface transportation in the region. If there are to be tolls, if the existing tolls are to continue, it would be the responsibility of this agency to establish and maintain these systems. If "the gulch" is to ever be used as a multi-modal transportation hub, this agency will make it happen. If "Rubber Rail" with dedicated lanes comes to the area, it will be directly because of the efforts of this agency. 

Finally, this agency must represent and respect the needs of the entire region, not just one area and not just a select few. The balkanization that characterizes and paralyzes the Atlanta metro area must be torn down. Transparency and fiduciary responsibility must be foundational. Service must be paramount. There is no reason to believe that our transportation systems cannot be run as efficiently as those in Japan or Europe. There is no reason to accept less.